Messenger Theatre Company presents Season Three of The Dragoning
Episode Five: Dragon Burlesque
(The first few notes of the piano sound nice and theatre-y but then they start to deconstruct, a bit like a music box going awry. Strings come in. Men droning. Are they monks?)
EMILY:
Messenger Theatre Company presents
Season Three of The Dragoning
(lots of voices saying The Dragoning. The beat drops. There are some distorted strings or cries in rhythm.)
EMILY:
Episode Five – Dragon Burlesque
Delia, Sgt Ana Rengel, Harrison, Dylan
(The music sputters out.)
*
(sound of dragon roar. Sound of an audience applauding, backstage door closing.)
DELIA
Thank you so both so much for coming. I can’t tell you how much it meant to look out and see your friendly faces in the audience.
Oh, thank you so much. That’s so kind of you to say.
Well – to tell you the truth, it’s been kind of a weird run. We’re doing something so unlike anything anyone has ever done before. And I know everyone says that but I think it may be true for us.
I mean, to dragon on cue is unprecedented.
Really, Ashley? You, too?
I mean, you know, most of the training goes the other way, learning how to NOT dragon out when we don’t want to.
Right! They’re related. One helps the other.
I mean, a lot of people are giving us guff for doing it for entertainment purposes. But we’re entertainers, what do people expect us to do? Not use our unique abilities?
I mean, if we can make this work, we could take it around the world. We’ve already had some offers. I mean, almost everybody wants us to do it behind dragon proof glass – but hey, if they’re paying, I’m dancing behind glass, no problem.
Well, yeah, the main problem is that the audience for burlesque tends to skew male. It’s a mix, of course – but it can tend to include a handful of dragon triggering dudes. We’ve had to try and protect for it – because none of us want to have our acts ruined by a premature dragon transition. It’s a great way to ruin our costumes, our make-up, or to cause expensive damage to the stage and the lighting.
we’ve hired some women who aren’t dragons to sit at the entrance in sexy skimpy outfits and if they catch even a whiff of bad behavior, they’ll flag those guys and our bouncer will send them to the “VIP” lounge where they won’t see a show but they also won’t ruin a show or put everybody at risk.
It takes a lot of organization to put on a dragon burlesque show, let me tell you.
Well, thank you. We think it’s worth it too.
That’s wild you would say that because we’ve definitely had some scientists in here, talking about how evolution might roll through the arts first. That we are the innovators, making new forms.
I mean, I’m certainly flattered by it. It feels good! And you know, I like the idea of maybe having my name or picture or both in the performance history books. That would be just about the coolest.
Oh, and we have a whole fleet of photographers in here every night. They’re all chasing the (so far) elusive shot of one of us IN transition. They all just manage to miss it every time. I’m guessing it’s some primordial fear response that prevents them from seeing us in that in between state. But we’re, like, on a quest, too – to be seen as women and dragon at once.
I mean, the advantage of burlesque is that when we transition we’ve already removed our clothes so we don’t ruin our costumes when we change. It’s very practical. If we’d tried this dressed, we’d need an enormous costume budget, what with all the strain we’d put those clothes through.
There’s a real advantage to getting naked and then getting dragony.
You know – that’s definitely something I’ve noticed, Ashley – by having a scheduled dragoning for myself, I don’t tend to dragon out so much out in the world. I seem to have more patience with douchebags out there.
I guess it’s the release? Like, just feeling free in dragon state once a day, every day on stage means I don’t have the rage stored up when someone pulls some bullshit behavior. I just don’t have the energy to eat them. And they’re certainly not worth setting them on fire. It’s like – I don’t know, I feel full so I don’t have to eat. Sorry Brent, is this TMI?
I don’t know if it’s being surrounded by so many other dragons – and dragons who are all performers no less but I just have less and less of a filter these days. You should hear us in the dressing room. Oh my goodness. Well, actually, no one should hear us in the dressing room. I’m not sure anyone would hire us again if they did. But you know what I mean – just, we’re freer than ever.
Yeah. It’s nice! And sometimes I wonder if this was what it felt like to be a man.
Like, just never really worrying about what you say – just saying whatever’s on your mind.
Sorry, Brent. Is that rude? I don’t feel like I know the line anymore.
Well – I’m glad you’re not offended. I know a lot of men are. It’s just so wild because I used to care about that and I just don’t anymore. Like, if you’d said you WERE offended, Brent, I’d apologize or whatever but I wouldn’t be too worried about it. It’s such a strange sensation.
I guess this is what it’s like to have power.
Oh, I love it.
I mean, as a dancer, Ashley, I imagine you felt this, too, we’re used to being told what to do. We’re used to being the expression of someone else’s power. We are the instruments in the orchestra, not the conductor and not even the players – just the instruments. And now I’m both instrument and conductor.
It’s amazing.
No, at first it made me uncomfortable. It’s true. Having people be afraid of me made me feel so weird. Like – hey, I’m a sweetheart! But now I love it. I love that people double check with me about stuff. They want to make sure I’m comfortable or whatever. It is a dream. A dream I didn’t even know that I had.
No, Ashley – you’re welcome to join us any time you want! You’d be such a box office draw, I’m sure you wouldn’t even have to take your clothes off, you could just come and dance in whatever you want. Sweatpants, if you like!
Well, our door is always open to you. Just know that.
You guys are welcome back anytime Any any time. Thank you so much for coming you two. Really. Come back!
*
Sound of a dragon roar. Sound of the police station
Sergeant Ana Rengel
Thanks for getting in touch, Brent. You are like a magnet for these types, huh? They are irresistibly drawn to you like a moth to a freaking flame.
Can’t say I’ve heard of anyone calling it the scourge before. Probably they’re using it to weed out the dragon sympathizers. I’m surprised they tried it on you – you are an obvious sympathizer.
Ah right – but also a big prize if they convert you. Right, right.
Well, Brent. I find myself a little bit stumped. Should we send you in to do some recon with two guys who’ve named themselves after the most horrific bombs in history or do we keep you as far away from these yahoos as we can get you.
Because the thing of it is – I don’t trust those guys not to kidnap you and hold you for ransom.
I’m sorry to be so blunt but it just seems the most likely outcome with guys like that. They may think they can “convert” you but they’re much more likely to want to use you in whatever way they can.
I mean, I didn’t do time in the terrorism trenches for nothing. I recognize tactics when I see them. These are some dangerous red pill yahoos if you ask me.
I’ve talked myself out of it, Brent. We absolutely cannot send you in there. I got a feeling in my gut. They’re going to ask you some question that is a give away and when you answer like a normal human person, they’re going to grab you and stash you in a basement. Then they’re going to ask Ashley to come get you which she will be smart enough not to do, as there’s no reason to have both of you locked up in their basement and then they’re going to ask us to exchange all the doxing asshole yahoos we have in custody for you. And maybe we’d do it, maybe we wouldn’t, I don’t know. But frankly I don’t want to risk it.
I mean, no, of course, we wouldn’t send you in there without being super wired up. But why? To learn more about these slack jawed murderous yokels? We know what they’re about. We may not know their current slang but I feel like we’ve got a handle on them. Could it be helpful to learn what they might be planning? Absolutely. What might they be planning?
Their last horrible idea was to hire a dragonslayer. And it’s only due to a fairly complicated operation that we averted it. Are these the same guys? I don’t think so. We collected most of that last batch. But somehow or another they are finding each other. And they are surely dangerous. Are they on the threshold of an action? I have to hope no. I think we have to keep an eye on them somehow but as much as I hate to admit it, I think you might be too valuable to us to risk.
Now don’t get a big head about it. I’m not blowing smoke. You’re a right place right time asset. And we can’t afford to lose you. But how are we going to keep tabs on these chuckleheads without sending you in? I think we’re going to have to start recruiting more men to the Friends of the Dragons. That is not going to be the job for me, let me tell you. I mean I can vet them but recruit? Hey you’re a man. Do you know some men that we could bring in? Ones who aren’t dragon hating psychos?
How do you feel about maybe being a sort of liaison for this undercover work?
I mean, it’s not a job. This organization is largely unfunded. You’re going to have to kick off that TV career if you’re looking for dollars.
Say what?
Oh, yeah, I suppose filming might be possible. You’d have to get the TV guys to not reveal any of the footage until after but – but….I don’t see any problem in exposing these bozos on two fronts.
I mean – the TV people can pay for stuff we couldn’t. That’s useful. And exposing a bunch of chuckleheads while ALSO showing that not all men in Dragon City are chuckleheads.
Seems like a pretty decent idea. How are chuckleheads supposed to learn to not be chuckleheads if they never see anything but chuckleheads?
They want dragons on TV? Really? That seems risky.
Right – so this could be dragon themed without the risk. I get it.
Well – I’m not saying no. I want to keep my dragons safe and I will do a lot to keep these kinds of chuckleheads from doing any damage.
Yeah, yeah. Talk to the TV people. Start thinking about who you could send in – if you know someone. Yeah.
Yeah – and thanks, Brent. I’m glad you came to me with this crazy stuff. I can’t say I don’t experience a little cognitive dissonance around it but I’m glad you’re on our team.
*
Sound of a dragon roar. Sound of the TV studio conference room
Harrison
Wait, wait, let me understand what you’re saying to me. You’re saying there’s an operation to expose a den of dragon haters – a secret spy operation that you’re a part of and you are proposing we film it as a reality show.
Brent. You’re a genius.
No, no, of course. We can keep something under wraps.
But why would this secret dragon protectorate be willing to have us involved?
Oh sure. I understand money.
Do we have the players in place already?
Brent, you got us all set up. We’ll get you your travel show yet. I love it.
Now – what’s your involvement?
Yeah, yeah. We cut to you in meetings with the mole or whatever.
And will we see dragons?
Oh, you’re such a tease. Will we or won’t we? Dragons always on the horizon. Well, I’m not worried about it. We can always just shoehorn some Dragon B roll if we need to. This is what we have writers and editors for.
I love it. I really do. Send me your agent – what’s her name again?
Oh, Amanda. Yeah. Me and Amanda will get together and pitch it upstairs.
No, baby, you’re the talent. We don’t need you for that.
Brent – I am getting the feeling.
Oh, when I can see a show becoming a hit and all the magazines are putting our show on the cover cause people can’t stop talking about it. It’s chills, baby. Chills.
Who’s going in? It’s not you, I know.
And is this idea you have nice to look at?
Maybe we should send in an actor? Or a model – give the girls someone to swoon over.
Yeah, I’d be suspicious of him too, come to think of it.
You never worked in TV before, Brent?
You’ve got a face for it. The camera loves you, the girls love you and the men want to be your friend. I am seeing beautiful things. And I’m starting to understand why you want to do a travel show. I’m seeing the appeal.
What is that? Peace on earth or some shit? People will go crazy for it.
What’s the hot spot everyone’s into now?
It was Reykjavik for a hot minute a few years ago. Remember that?
Oh you did?
Oh sure – a lot of parties I’d imagine.
Oh Brent, you are thinking big and I love it. Yes! We decide what the list spot should be and then you go there, “discover” it and then the story becomes how the Dragon boy revitalized the economy of Myanmar or whatever.
What? I travel. I mean. Not to Myanmar. But, you know, places my travel agent suggests.
I’m thinking we take bids from countries that need a boost. Anyway – that’s the next one. We got to focus on this spy drama first – save the day for dozens of innocent women who happen to be dragons.
It’s not like lifestyles of the Rich and Dragon – it’s not dragon sitcoms or anything, it’s a classic turnaround because the dragons could be the victims here and you’re gonna save them from the incels. Upside down, inside out. TV gold. Also – there’s suspense. I am all in.
Yeah, yeah. Get Amanda in here and we’ll sort out all the players with her. What do we got? The mole. And the sergeant. And of course we can’t get the incels in at the jump. We can’t give the game away.
Oh, I wouldn’t worry about that. People like them always agree to let us air them.
they never even consider that they might look like fools. They’ll get mad at us once it airs – but before? Guys like that almost never say no.
I am very excited about this Brent. Very excited.
Let me let you go so you can set things up with your agent. You’ll hear from my assistant very soon.
Sound of a dragon roar. Sound of phone dialing
DYLAN
I can’t believe you called, man. I cannot believe it. I don’t even remember giving you my number.
Oh, wow. That’s like spy shit. Very cool.
Really? This is about actual spy shit? Brent. You are making my dreams come true. Should I go in the bus to talk about it or something? Turn the radio on in case someone’s listening. Oh man, this is really something.
Wait – you’re recording? This? Now? Hello Cleveland! Love me tender, love me true.
Sorry. Sorry. I’m a big ham. My sister used to say if you put me between two slices of bread and threw on some cheese, I’d be a ham and cheese sandwich. Okay. Okay. Seriously, though. What is this spy business we’re talking about? I’m up for it whatever it is.
I guess you know me pretty well, my friend. Lay it on me.
Okay.
Interesting.
Oh boy.
They shouldn’t go after dragons like that. They may be scary and everything but everybody’s got a right to live, I say.
Okay.
Sure.
I see. They want to keep tabs on what those guys are doing.
Makes sense to me.
Oh right. So I go in and pretend I’m like them.
Right. Okay. I tell them you told me about it and I got the info off you. But you don’t know I’m coming.
Why do we not want them to know you know I’m coming?
Ohhhh. Right. They already think you’re a traitor so I gotta distance myself from you so they don’t think I’m on your side. I got it. I got it.
So what do I gotta do?
Okay. Just show up? I can do that. Okay. Right. And then tell the Friends of the Dragons what kind of stuff happens. Sounds easy enough.
Is it dangerous, though?
I can handle it. I can handle it. A little danger is good for me. Let’s me know I’m alive!
I can keep a secret, Brent, no problem. And I’ll tell you something – I know it seems like I can’t shut up but I know when to keep my trap shut. You took the Dragon tour right? Did you hear me pipe up even once?
No. That’s the time to lock it up and drive. And for spy shit, that’s a lock it up and drive situation. I mean, you should hear some of the stuff people say on that bus! And I don’t say NOTHIN. I know what’s good for me.
Do I think, what? That I can play along with the dragon haters? What do you think? Of course I can. I mean I used to hang out over at Colm’s. Of course I can.
Listen. I don’t want to be weird and over enthusiastic or anything but I sort of feel like I’ve been waiting my whole life for a gig like this. You know when something just feels like fate? I mean – I’m sure it’s not cool to be too excited to go in and do some spy shit. If it doesn’t happen, I understand – but it does feel like, you know.
I won’t let you down.
(Dragoning theme credit music begins. Strings. Bells. It’s a little creepy but also fun. Like mischievous creatures sneaking around after midnight.)
EMILY:
The Dragoning is created by Messenger Theatre Company and written by Emily Rainbow Davis
The Dragoning Theme was composed by Scott Ethier
Sound design by Matt Powell
Show art by Shannon Harvey
Produced by Kayshana Johnson
This episode featured Jacki Jing as Delia, Vickie Tanner as Sergeant Ana Rengel, Aaron Sinn as Harrison and Jeff LaGreca as Dylan.
Messenger Theatre Company is a not-for-profit organization and we are entirely reliant on your support.
Thank you in advance for making our next project possible.
Stay safe out there everyone. And watch out for dragons.
(Music resolves.)