Messenger Theatre Company presents Season Three of The Dragoning
Episode Nine: I’m a Nice Dragon
(The first few notes of the piano sound nice and theatre-y but then they start to deconstruct, a bit like a music box going awry. Strings come in. Men droning. Are they monks?)
EMILY:
Messenger Theatre Company presents
Season Three of The Dragoning
(lots of voices saying The Dragoning. The beat drops. There are some distorted strings or cries in rhythm.)
EMILY:
Episode Nine – I’m a Nice Dragon
Delia, Justin and Dylan Sgt Ana Rengel
(The music sputters out.)
*
(sound of dragon roar. Sound of backstage hustle and bustle)
DELIA
You two. My goodness.
They’re shooting you while they shoot us but before we get everything started, I just wanted to come out and give you a pre-show thanks that isn’t for the cameras.
Oh – sure – how could they resist the opportunity to get some candid footage of us? But I don’t see any audio and we haven’t officially started yet.
I just wanted you to know that we have choreographed a number just for the two of you – and we have the option of pulling you up on stage at the end for it. I wouldn’t do it without checking with you first.
Oh good. Thank you. I’m pretty sure the TV people are going to go crazy for it – but we still wouldn’t do it without your consent. That’s another reason I’m very glad to get a moment with you.
And listen – I’m just – so tickled to have you both back here. It’s such a weird world now and it’s hard to know who to trust. I mean – weirdly, I’m a lot less concerned about trust now that I know that if I make a mistake, my safety, at least, will not be compromised. It’s just a whole other ball game when no one’s likely to attack you. I mean, especially now that I’m sort of out as a dragon, you know?
Now that I know people know I could eat them if they make a wrong move? I get a lot more respect. Do you find that, Ashley?
I mean. I don’t think I knew what respect felt like before. I’ve been admired, lusted after and ogled – but now I’ve listened to, deferred to, even catered to sometimes. It’s wild.
I’m having a great time, to tell you the truth. It feels amazing to dance up here on this stage, soak in all the attention I could ever want and then walk home late at night, by myself, without a care in the world.
One of my favorite things to do is to offer to walk men home. They’ll be like, “How do I know you’re not a dragon?” and I’ll be like, “Oh, I am a dragon.” And then they run. It’s a real hoot. Particularly since I would genuinely be happy to walk them home. I sort of enjoy the protector role. But very few of them can accept it. I don’t know how they don’t know I’m safe. I mean, I’m a nice girl! Why don’t they give me the benefit of the doubt? I mean, sure, I’m a dragon but I’m a NICE dragon. I don’t go out on these streets stalking for prey. I like men. I just want to help them out!
I have so many late night adventures now! I go out exploring. I get midnight breakfasts. I’ve become the flaneur I’ve always longed to be.
Oh, it’s this great concept that started in Paris in the 19th century where men would just wander around enjoying the culture, taking walks, just watching the world go by. I feel like I’ve become who I always wanted to be.
Oh yeah – the police were in here, just doing a safety check – like you two were the dang president. One of them even had one of those ear pieces like the secret service wears. What are they so afraid of here? I mean – we have a dressing room full of dragons; It seems to me you’d be safer here than almost anywhere on earth.
Oh what? Ugh. Yeah – we’ve had a few of that type try and come in – their eyes all wide and hungry. They never pass the vibe check up front.
I mean, they’re the type that cannot hide their feelings. They out themselves immediately. And they for sure cannot deal with us.
But they’re after you two. I see.
I mean – I don’t think the TV people want to get footage of us eating anyone or setting them on fire. It feels like that might spoil their story arc – even if it would get them some publicity in the short term. And really, I’d prefer not to have any of my dragon misbehaviors documented. I just feel like – at some point – the laws are going to catch up with the current moment and I think it is very unlikely they will work in our favor.
I mean – I can’t imagine judges will look kindly on us having eaten someone because he made an untoward remark. That’s not usually how justice systems work. They don’t weigh your thousands of years of oppression and think a nasty comment is worthy of a death sentence. And my human self agrees. But my dragon does not care.
I guess I’m just saying it’s good they did a sweep because I would rather not eat anyone.
I am sorry those guys are after you two, though. That’s terrible.
No, yeah, they told us that they’re looking for contrast here. So we’re going to give them our best liberated and free selves.
Oh, yeah, you too.
I mean, in a way, it doesn’t matter what any of us do – I’m pretty sure your presence here will do enough of the work of showing “liberated and free”. So I’d say just watch the show, enjoy it any way you like. We’ll pull you up for a little bonus dance and that’ll do it, I think.
No, no, the crew is all women so it’s actually been amazing.
Ah. It looks like they’re ready to start. I’m going to head in – then they’ll kick off by having you come through our doors, I think.
You two break a leg, too.
You may be the audience but it is really your show.
Merde.
In bocca al lupo.
Cheers.
*
Sound of a dragon roar. Sound of a toilet flushing in the men’s room
Justin
Well well we meet again.
Justin actually. They call me Axe. It’s funny because I remember your name.
Well – the men’s room is the only place we’re really safe anymore, isn’t it? You’re always with a dragon or some other woman who might turn dragon. The only place a guy can have a safe conversation is here.
It’s not an ambush. I just wanted to talk.
Sure – we hoped you’d come here. It is the closest restaurant to those dragon dancers. It was a likely contender. And they have those fancy cocktails – we figured you two might go for that.
Don’t worry – there’s no one else is here. It’s just me. And I’m worried.
It is kind of a flaw most of the officers they have on protection duty for you are women. They can’t come in here. This is our space. For us.
Nah, man. I don’t mean you any harm. We just wanted to get you a message. Maybe get you to come down for a meeting. You can bring your police escorts if you want.
Nah, man. I don’t think anyone thinks you’re going to join our cause. We’re not going to convert you. You’re a goner I’m pretty sure. No, we just want to share our perspective with you.
Just – come have a chat with Fat Man and Little Boy. That’s all. What harm could a chat do?
Oh sure they’re keeping tabs on you. Sure. But there are a lot of people keeping tabs on you, I think. Tab, tab, tab.
Why so paranoid, Brent? Is sleeping with a dragon making you a little jumpy? I know I couldn’t relax with a dragon next to me. Is she going to eat me in my sleep or what? I don’t know how you do it.
You don’t think she’s going to eat you – but how do you know for sure? You can’t. She could eat you at any moment.
Nah, man. Nah. Not for me.
No – what I want is for them to have never existed. I want them to just fade away back into JUST WOMEN – no dragons.
Like the old days when girls were just girls and they’d laugh at your jokes even when they weren’t that funny. I haven’t had a girl laugh at my jokes since The Dragoning took off. I miss it, man.
Oh, I’ve got a buddy who tried explain it to me. He said, “When you’re the one in charge, all your jokes are funny and everything you say is insightful.” And we all used to be the CEOS of life, you know. We were wise and hilarious. But those dragons took that away from us. It’s not so much that they’ve created chaos and destruction – it’s that they’ve taken away our sense of ourselves as winners. I don’t like feeling like a loser, Brent. I don’t want to be on the back foot, ever. I want to be the king that I am, you know. I won’t let a bunch of chicks take that away from me.
I’m fighting it all the way. I won’t let the tide keep turning like this. I just won’t. I’m a winner Brent. A winner.
Right – well – card has all the info on it for the meeting with Fat Man and Little Boy. We know you’re going to share it with your police escorts – they’re invited, too. I mean, everyone is welcome to come learn about the Wave.
Oh, the Wave is what’s going to turn the scourge around, Brent. The wave is going to change everything. It will turn back the clocks, it will return things to normal. And we’re all a part of it, Brent. You, me, your police escorts. It’s the movement we’re all working toward.
Oh, sure, I bet your time is getting tight. Your girls are going to be wondering where you are. Don’t worry, Brent. You’ll soon be free. We’re going to set you free. The Wave will set you free.
Don’t forget to wash your hands.
*
Sound of a dragon roar. Sound of a film crew setting up a shoot. Crowd. Music. And beep, beep, beep…
DYLAN
Brent! Buddy! I have missed you! What’s been going on? I’m so happy to see you, I can’t even say. It’s wrapping up – all the plans are coming together. And then they’ll start airing this business and I am pretty excited. I’ve never been on TV before, Brent! And I always wanted to. I didn’t say it to anyone but I really did. I’d dream about it.
Oh, I imagined myself on a talk show, explaining some unusual talent or something.
No, I don’t have any unusual talents, unfortunately, and everything I tried to pick up pretty much fell apart. But now they tell me I might be able to do a little promotional tour once this starts airing. They’ll want me to go out on some late night show host’s couch and talk about my experience with all this.
Yeah, I guess my special talent will be going to talk about dragons and dragon hate groups on talk shows. You wanna come with? We could do it as a team. You’re really good at it.
They told me to watch your clips - so I could learn from you. And I’ve been studying those clips, man. Studying. At the feet of the master, you know.
Do you have any tips?
Oh, really? Do you think she’d help me?
Me. A good investment. Brent. Are you serious?
What’s her name again?
Oh. Okay Amanda. Nice. So I’ll call her and she’ll coach me a little bit?
No, no. Of course, if she’s up for taking me on. Sure. Yeah.
It’s been really crazy. I have to say. Just bonkers.
I have had to do a lot of pretending. But I guess, what I’ve been realizing is that most of my life I’ve had to do a similar kind of pretending, you know.
Just – like – pretending to be tougher than I am, more of a MAN, I guess. Like, laughing at these guys horrible jokes is not so dissimilar to all the times I laughed at other jokes the guys made.
You know – stuff about women or gays or anyone. It’s a familiar muscle. Which, you know, Brent, doesn’t make me feel great about myself. I wish I were the kind of guy who couldn’t help himself helping other people, defending other people, standing up for other people – but I’ve always been a laugh along with the crowd guy. I’m just grateful that that’s allowed me to do this weirdo gig.
I mean, this is way better than driving a tour bus, you know what I mean? Way better.
I got a lot of ideas, sure. And maybe I’m going to get enough resources to do something about them. Or maybe, Brent, stuff will just come to me. Can you imagine? All this hustling I’ve done – and this gig just came to me. Because of you!
Right – okay!
What they want me to do here, Brent, is to prepare you a little bit for what you’re walking into. You should be reasonably safe – you have police escorts, after all. Though, I’ll remind you, there are a lot of police in this group – so if things start to get dangerous, I’d suggest not waiting for anyone else to handle it and getting the hell out.
Oh I’ll be right with you in getting out. I don’t want a dramatic reveal of my real allegiance. I’m getting the hell out if it starts to get squirrelly in there.
Right. Okay. So – Fatman and Little Boy are planning on talking with you. I don’t really know what about. My guess is it’s going to be the usual “Come join the kings of Dragon City, take your power back” sort of stuff. They’ll probably offer you stuff a lot of people might find hard to refuse.
I’m guessing – money, fame, adulation, whatever they can think of.
But of course, there will be a price.
I’m sure they’ll frame it as they just want to talk to her – but I’m telling you, Brent, they do not just want to talk to her. They want to establish dominance over her. I don’t know what that will mean exactly. I don’t think they intend to kill her – just show themselves with power over her somehow. But whatever they have in mind would not be nice, that much I know. I’d just want to make sure these jerkwads don’t get anywhere near her.
We’re on the same team, my man. I’ve been nodding and smiling about some disgusting stuff because I want to make sure nothing happens to you two. And listen, my hope is that arrests are made before Ashley could be in any danger – but I know you know how desperate these guys are. They feel they’ve been dethroned and like any king story, they will stop at nothing to get their crowns back.
I mean, me? I never had a crown and I don’t think I’d want one. But these guys felt they were alphas before and they’re and mad at being demoted.
And, you know, before, Brent – before, I might have fallen in line with guys like this – tried to get in good with them, tried to become like them or something? But one of the PAs was telling me that this whole alpha thing they’re into isn’t even real.
Oh, well, it’s, like, based on an idea about wolves that has nothing to do with how wolves actually behave. The idea that some guy got wrong years ago was that wolf packs were led by one strong, dominant wolf. And he called that wolf the alpha. But I guess he was looking at wolves in captivity? And they behave a lot differently than wolves in the wild.
Yeah, wolves in the wild are very cooperative. There is no alpha. It’s just incredible team work where they look after one another to make sure no one gets left behind. Apparently, they have one wolf at the front of the pack – and another at the back who makes sure the most vulnerable members are protected. They’re leading from behind.
I want to be that kind of wolf, man. I want to look out for people, you know? Wolves.
Yeah alphas are just a fiction. Or, really, technically traumatized wolves in captivity. Which tracks, I guess.
Oh the PA? Yeah – I’ve got a little crush on her, truth be told. Don’t tell her, guys, okay?
Yeah. I was thinking of asking her out when this is all over. Again – guys – keep it under your hats!
Yeah, she might be a dragon. Anyone might be. You know – I’m willing to take the risk. I mean you’re a great role model for this, Brent. Like – if you can do it - maybe the rest of us can find a way.
I mean – anyone in this crew could be a dragon. They try and screen for it but you can’t. And you can’t, like ask right out. So – we really have to assume there’s a risk. And at this point, it’s no different than just walking down the street. I know not to be an idiot. And I know enough to keep a low level of fear going at all times. I keep the crew well fed, if there are, in fact, any dragons among them.
The crew inside the clubhouse is all dudes. That’s for everyone’s safety. The guys in there are very triggering for dragons and nobody wants to blow our cover that way.
It does feel different depending on the crew.
Like – it’s weird – but sometimes with the men’s crew, I feel kind of challenged? Like, they’re looking at me through that lens, waiting for me to fuck up or step up or I don’t know. Just – it’s not neutral somehow.
Sure – it could just be projection – and also the room we’re always in, you know. Those guys are definitely not neutral.
This crew here – and I’m sorry to be talking about you like you’re not here, guys – gals – but that’s what they’ve trained me to do now – but just generally, I feel like they’re not really that concerned about me or what I do.
No – no – in a good way! Like – I can do whatever and they’ll shoot whatever no matter whether they like it or not.
I don’t know. I’m just a little more at ease with this group. Which is funny given that they are much more likely to include someone who could set me on fire.
No- I’m sure part of it is that these are seasoned professionals who’ve finally gotten better shots because of the dragoning. .
Oh ha ha! Yeah shots! They’re getting good shots – with this camera.
Yeah – but I mean, like, opportunities. And I can relate to that, you know. You know I was always looking for opportunities and I didn’t get a lot of them, you know – so I can relate. I can relate to that hunger, that fight. So weirdly, we have more in common, I think.
Yeah, I’ve turned around about seven times. But now? Now I feel like – this whole upside-down world has done me a favor. Like, at first, I was aligned with the fear, you know? Just the – kind of separatist feeling of bonding together with the other men, getting on my team, shoring up our defense. But it got a little boring, you know? Just hashing out the same grievances over and over again. Like a song you play so many times you start to wear out the tape.
I don’t know. It’s like – when I stopped re-hashing all the righteous indignation I felt about suddenly being afraid, I found this whole other way of doing things on the other side. And here I am – on TV. Or I will be. And these nice ladies tell me I’m gonna be a star.
(The beep of a walkie talkie)
Oh. Yeah. I guess we better get over there. Just remember, buddy, whatever you see me say or do – I’m with you. If you run, I run too.
(Dragoning theme credit music begins. Strings. Bells. It’s a little creepy but also fun. Like mischievous creatures sneaking around after midnight.)
EMILY:
The Dragoning is created by Messenger Theatre Company and written by Emily Rainbow Davis
The Dragoning Theme was composed by Scott Ethier
Sound design by Matt Powell
Show art by Shannon Harvey
Produced by Kayshana Johnson
This episode featured Jacki Jing as Delia, Andrew Winson as Justin and Jeff LaGreca as Dylan.
Messenger Theatre Company is a not-for-profit organization and we are entirely reliant on your support.
Thank you in advance for making our next project possible.
Stay safe out there everyone. And watch out for dragons.
(Music resolves.)