Season Three - Episode 10 - Leaders Don't Carry Keys (FM)

Messenger Theatre Company presents Season Three of The Dragoning

Episode Ten: Leaders Don’t Carry Keys

(The first few notes of the piano sound nice and theatre-y but then they start to deconstruct, a bit like a music box going awry. Strings come in. Men droning. Are they monks?)

EMILY:

Messenger Theatre Company presents

Season Three of The Dragoning

(lots of voices saying The Dragoning. The beat drops. There are some distorted strings or cries in rhythm.)

EMILY:

Episode Ten – Leaders Don’t Carry Keys

FM

(The music sputters out.)

*

(sound of dragon roar. Sound of door opening on some pumped up music and cheering men)

FM

 Brent! So glad you could make it. Sorry about the ambush in the men’s room. We didn’t specify how to get our invitation to you and our little buddy, Axe, made an odd choice. But it got you here and we’re glad of that, aren’t we, guys?

(much assent from the crowd) )

What can we get you to drink? I got a pretty special bottle of scotch I’d love to share with a real gentleman such as yourself.

No? Cigar?

You sure? These ones are from Cuba. Supposed to be the best. Handrolled on the thighs of the beauties of the island.

I kid. Of course they don’t roll them on their thighs – it would ruin the paper.

Nothing I can get you? Jasper there is itchy to get to bring you whatever you’d like.

Sorry, Jasper. This man wants nothing.

Stalling? Me? I don’t know what you could mean.

Okay. Sure. I will.

 (FM taps the mic and the music intro plays)

Brent.

We all admire your media skills. you never let them emasculate you. You retain that alpha energy even when being questioned by some femme bot femi-nazi. We have a lot to learn from you, don’t we boys?

 (General assent)

No, no, it’s not flattery, Brent. We really do have a lot to learn from you. And from the woman you say is a dragon.

I mean, how are we to know if she’s really a dragon? We’ve never met her. And we’d like to, Brent. To meet her, have a little chat, try to really understand where she’s coming from.

I don’t want to say we don’t believe in dragons, Brent. I’m just saying we’re not so sure - so we’d have to see for ourselves. Do you think it might be possible to get us a meeting?

Oh you’d have to ask her? Man, are you dragon-whipped. Isn’t he boys? So dragonwhipped.

No, no. don’t go. No – what? You can’t take a joke? We’re just teasing you, Brent.

Have a sense of humor, my man.
Who among us can say he has not been a little bit dragon-whipped? Even if it’s just staying indoors at night out of fear. There is no curfew, gentlemen! You don’t need to impose it on yourselves.

We can’t let ourselves be laid so low. We can not be ruled by dragons. Are we not men? Kings of the earth? Do we not pulse with the power to rule? Are we not vibrating in rhythm with the most powerful forces there are? Are we not thunder? Are we not lightning?  Are we not volcanos, boiling beneath the surface?

(Much assent)

 We are. Of course we are. No dragon can rule us. Are the dragons not women? Are not women weak?

Did we not rule over them for thousands of years? Is this not the natural order? Has not the natural order been upended? Some of you have trembled in the presence of women. Once, you could have ordered them to make you a sandwich and they would have done it. We have to return to the ways of the ancestors. Those men had it organized. They had it down. We have to wake up, men. We have to get out of bed, wash our faces, drink our coffee black, like real men. No more iced caramel mochaccinos or whatever. We have to get tougher and stronger, take some responsibility for how our weakness led us to this extreme culture. We have to get our power back, gentlemen. We surrendered it and it formed into a dragon. Those dragons are OUR power, our force, our strength and the women are out claiming it as theirs. I don’t believe it. They are just masquerading – wearing our power in a dragon suit. Anyone who gives up their power to a dragon deserves what they get. If you let yourself be dragon whipped, you are in trouble. But I think you can be saved. We’d like to save you, Brent.

You want to know what that would entail? Oh, listen to him, Kings. What would it entail? What, would you want your hand held while we break it down for you?

Oh, you’re just curious? Curious? What, are you gay, Brent?

Why yes I do think curiosity is a little bit gay, Brent. At the very least it’s a little bit too – you know.

You know. Come on. You know.  I can’t get over how dragon whipped you are.

We want to help you, Brent. We want to help you take control of your life. Right now, that dragon has the reins and you just go where she tells you. We want to help you move to the other side of the court, Brent. We can give you what you need.

How? How do you think?

Well, first we’re going to teach you about your inheritance.

The one your grandfather’s had.

Well, maybe not your exact grandfather’s. But the ones who were cool, Brent. The ones who wore hats and drank whisky. The ones who drove big cars and smoked cigars or a pipe.

Our grandfathers had power, Brent. And they used it. They didn’t let women tell them what to do. They came home from work and expected to find dinner on the table and if they didn’t, there were consequences, Brent. Consequences! It’s the natural order. Don’t you believe in nature?

We are hunters. Hunters, Brent. Not the hunted. We are made to eat, not to be eaten. We invented fire, Brent. And these dragons, if they are dragons, breathe out OUR fire. It’s ours. It’s our legacy. Fire and hunting. Those were the days. Don’t you think?  

What? What about the current moment could you possibly appreciate?

New?! Come on. I mean – new. Try a new food, Brent. Take a new route to work. But upending the entire world order is not a new thing I’m interested in. How about you, Fellas?

(They think No, too.)

New. Interesting. Curiosity. What kind of a man are you, Brent? Are you a man at all?

Dylan - what is that face you’re making? You’ve got something to say? You trying to say something to Brent here? You think I need some help getting my message across?

I thought not.

Well, Brent – that’s reminded me. We brought you here not just to save you but in the hopes that you’d bring us your supposed dragon.

A lot of the guys in here thought you’d say that. You did, didn’t you, gents?

 (Some assent)

Well, you were right, guys. He doesn’t want to cross his dragon woman. I mean, as you’d expect any dragon whipped man to be, wouldn’t we?

We’re way ahead of you. While everyone was worrying about you here with us, we got your “dragon.” She’s no dragon so far – and we figure when we bring her in here, she won’t be able to perform her tricks because you’re here, keeping us safe.

She came with us willingly. I guess she was interested in meeting some real men, Brent.

It doesn’t matter what we told her.  She’s here now. And we are so looking forward to revealing you for the weakling that you are. If you’d agreed to bringing her to us we would have had a different conversation, wouldn’t we fellas?

But that’s not what happened. What happened is that we got the most visible dragon-whipped guy in the world in our midst and he wouldn’t give it up for nothing.

Alright, Carole Anne, bring in the “dragon”.

 (Sound of garbled woman’s voice on a walkie talkie)

I see that look.  Yes, we used a woman to get your “dragon” here. It’s normal. You gotta use what you got. And what we got are a couple of very loyal woman who will do what we ask.

I wouldn’t know. Women are catty, right? What do we know what they’ll do to each other?

But also we told Carole Anne she’s bringing her to an award ceremony so she doesn’t really know. We had to do what we had to do.

You look confused. Trying to figure out what to do from here? Obviously running away is not an option. What is a dragon whipped man to do? Such a conundrum.

No, no. She’s going to step right into a cage so even if she does turn dragon, a fact I doubt, she will be behind bars. So don’t worry about your safety, Brent. You’re in a safe place now. You can say what you want and she won’t be able to touch you. We’re doing this to save you, Brent. You are our priority. We don’t want to lose one man to this gynotocracy.

(sound of walkie talkie)

And I have confirmation that the bird is in place. Rhino– pull the curtain.

There she is. The woman who claims to be a dragon.

 (Sound of Ashley turning into a dragon. Sounds of gasps around the room. Maybe some screams)

How is she doing that, Brent? Did you guys set this up? Put some mirrors or holograms in place or something.

Sure, sure, she’s a dragon.

(Ashley breathes out fire - there are screams as the men scatter.)

Stay back, stay back, gents. They’re taking it a little too far. I don’t want any of you getting accidentally torched. So, Ashley -

(She breathes out fire again.)

A little touchy are we? Let’s a have a chat. That’s why we brought you here.

What do you mean she can’t chat like that? Don’t be silly. You can chat, can’t you Ashley?

 (She roars and breathes fire.)

Can’t or won’t?

Doesn’t matter.

Look who I have here. It’s your boyfriend, Brent.

What do you mean she won’t know you like this? You’re not making any sense, Brent.

What if I put you in danger – wouldn’t she try to save you?

Do you all not have a good relationship, Brent? Are you so dragon-whipped that this dragon tells you to jump and you ask how high? Brent, you have to free yourself.

Guys, do you see this? Do you see how dragon whipped this man is? When are you going to take some personal responsibility, Brent? You can’t hide behind your girlfriend forever. Don’t become a wife guy before it’s your time.

Oh, I know you’re not married, Brent. That’s why I’m trying to save you while I can – before you’re too far gone.  

No, Brent – I haven’t forgotten the TV people are here. Hi guys. Hello viewing audience.

We’re not stupid, Brent – we know they’re going to edit this to make us look like assholes – but the thing is, Brent, some people LIKE assholes and our movement will grow whether we look like assholes or not. Was it nice of us to trick your girlfriend into walking into a cage? No – but there’s no law about imprisoning animals and right now, that’s what your girlfriend appears to be. And she’s under our control. But there’s nothing anyone can arrest us for. We’re all above board. We’ve checked with the lawyers among us and we are A okay.

Everyone came here today of their own free will. Even your girlfriend. Sure, we misled her. But they can’t arrest us for that.

We were perfectly honest with you, Brent. We’re just chatting. We’re just having a conversation. To be honest, I’m tempted to open up that cage, see how you two will pull off the illusion of a dragon in the room. And if we lost a few soldiers in the process – well, that’s how it is in a war sometimes, isn’t it? You lose a few to win one.

Look at that. You’re afraid of your own girl. Do you see this, guys? He does not want me to unlock this cage because he is afraid of his own woman. Shameful.

Oh, sure. You’re afraid for us. Ha ha. Like you care what happens to us.  

Martyrs? Us? No way.

Well – I suppose that would really kick off the Wave, wouldn’t it fellas? Should I open it up?

Wow. Okay. Okay.

Truth be told, I may not believe she is a dragon but that is real fire and I’d rather not burn this place down. We put a big deposit down.

I mean it is a real conundrum, isn’t it because I’m sure some part of you would enjoy watching your girlfriend set us on fire. It might feel good after being so powerless like this here.

And frankly, Brent, that’s what I wanted these guys to see – because they’ve been thinking you’re some special dude, some powerful darling of the media, that you have something they don’t have but I felt very strongly that you were even more scared than they are. Maybe a lot more. And to top it off you are dragon whipped, which none of these fellas are, are you fellas?

(chorus of nos)

So – my work here is done. It’s all PR, isn’t it? Just – I couldn’t let you disrupt the balance of power between men and women any longer. I want to see you assert yourself over your woman, Brent. I want to see you take your rightful place as king. Do that and this is all over. Go on. Tell her who’s boss.

What are you talking about?

Oh, Brent, you’re so naïve. Do you have any idea how many police officers are in our organization? There’s nothing to arrest us for and none of them would be willing to do it.

I’m sorry. The what?

Dragon Defense League? Are you crazy? There’s no such thing.

There are no dragons and there’s certainly no dragon defense league.

They do what now?

Protect dragons?

Wow. That’s crazy.

With all that fire and those sharp looking claws and teeth, you think a creature like that needs protecting?

Sure – okay. Yeah we put her in a cage. But there’s no law against putting animals in cages. I may not believe that’s an actual dragon but the law is on our side in terms of what we’re doing here.

What do you mean? They’re like a vigilante group? Operating a militia outside the bounds of the US system is against the law, Brent. Believe me, I know. We had reason to look it up.

Well, I happen to feel that the law has protected me all these years, I see no reason to doubt the effectiveness and sense of our police force.

What’s happening? Why are you guys approaching the prisoner? Stingray! Badger! Is that how we do things around here now? People just do what they want? Just willy nilly?

Hey, hey, step away from that cage, What are you guys doing? What are you whispering? I don’t like people whispering around me. Are you talking to the dragon? What are you saying?

You’re telling her what? To return to lady form so she doesn’t kill us all?

No. I will not open the cage. No, not even when she’s a lady again. I don’t have the keys.

I’m a leader. Leaders don’t carry keys.

Hey, hey, relax man. Who do you think you are?

Brent, you want to help a brother out?

Oh, you’re a friend of the Dragon Defense League? That’s who these traitors are? Hey you guys have been here for the last few months, you couldn’t have learned something? Come on, let me go, fellas.

Hey – no – don’t worry – guys this is all part of the plan. Part of the plan. We gotta have a martyr.

Oh look she’s a lady again. Crisis averted. Time to let me go. Fine, fine. Rhino – let her out. We’ll all be released together. Allelujah.

Hey – where you going, Brent? You’re putting on a real sappy show there with that chick. You expect us to believe you were really worried about each other?

Okay, she’s free now – time to let me loose. It’s an equal exchange, right?

Oh you’re just gonna walk outta here hand in hand like lovers at the seashore while your goons handle me for the cameras. You see, fellas? Dragon-whipped.

What’s she saying? I don’t like people whispering near me.

Oh she’s doing her best not to dragon? Why the hell not? We don’t mind, do we fellas?

I don’t care how things look for the cameras. She’s not going to eat me.

No. I’m sure I taste great but that’s not the point.

No. Yeah. As a matter of fact, I do have some stuff to say. I don’t know what gives these people the right to lay hands on me but I know our movement is only getting bigger, whatever happens to me. I’m just one guy, trying to help my fellow man. But the Wave is coming fellas. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow but it is coming. You will be redeemed.

Alright, stop yanking on my arms, guys. I’ll go with you. You don’t have to be mean about it.

Good luck, Brent. We’re here for you whenever you need us.

Alright, alright. I’m going. Get ready for the Wave. It’s gonna be a big one.

Hey – where do you fellas think you’re going? What is this? A mass revolt? You’re gonna follow this dragon-whipped pansy and a woman?! You all have lost your minds. Rhino? Colt? Dylan? What is this? Axe, man – what are you doing? The Wave is still on its way, believe me.

You want to be led by a woman?

You want to lose all your power?

Guys. Guys.

(The door closes behind all the men who’ve left him behind.)

Guys?

Guys?

Guys?

(Dragoning theme credit music begins. Strings. Bells. It’s a little creepy but also fun. Like mischievous creatures sneaking around after midnight.)

EMILY:

The Dragoning is created by Messenger Theatre Company and written by Emily Rainbow Davis

The Dragoning Theme was composed by Scott Ethier

Sound design by Matt Powell

Show art by Shannon Harvey

Produced by Kayshana Johnson

This final episode featured Thadd McQuade as FM

Messenger Theatre Company is a not-for-profit organization and we are entirely reliant on your support.

Thank you making this project possible and thank you in advance for helping us make the next one.

Stay safe out there everyone. And watch out for dragons.

(Music resolves.)

Season Three - Episode Nine - I'm a Nice Dragon (Delia, Justin and Dylan)

Messenger Theatre Company presents Season Three of The Dragoning

Episode Nine: I’m a Nice Dragon 

(The first few notes of the piano sound nice and theatre-y but then they start to deconstruct, a bit like a music box going awry. Strings come in. Men droning. Are they monks?)

EMILY:

Messenger Theatre Company presents

Season Three of The Dragoning

(lots of voices saying The Dragoning. The beat drops. There are some distorted strings or cries in rhythm.)

EMILY:

Episode Nine – I’m a Nice Dragon

Delia, Justin and Dylan Sgt Ana Rengel

(The music sputters out.)

*

(sound of dragon roar. Sound of backstage hustle and bustle) 

DELIA

You two. My goodness.

They’re shooting you while they shoot us but before we get everything started, I just wanted to come out and give you a pre-show thanks that isn’t for the cameras.

Oh – sure – how could they resist the opportunity to get some candid footage of us? But I don’t see any audio and we haven’t officially started yet.

I just wanted you to know that we have choreographed a number just for the two of you – and we have the option of pulling you up on stage at the end for it. I wouldn’t do it without checking with you first.

Oh good. Thank you. I’m pretty sure the TV people are going to go crazy for it – but we still wouldn’t do it without your consent. That’s another reason I’m very glad to get a moment with you.

And listen – I’m just – so tickled to have you both back here. It’s such a weird world now and it’s hard to know who to trust. I mean – weirdly, I’m a lot less concerned about trust now that I know that if I make a mistake, my safety, at least, will not be compromised. It’s just a whole other ball game when no one’s likely to attack you. I mean, especially now that I’m sort of out as a dragon, you know?

Now that I know people know I could eat them if they make a wrong move? I get a lot more respect. Do you find that, Ashley?

I mean. I don’t think I knew what respect felt like before. I’ve been admired, lusted after and ogled – but now I’ve listened to, deferred to, even catered to sometimes. It’s wild.

I’m having a great time, to tell you the truth. It feels amazing to dance up here on this stage, soak in all the attention I could ever want and then walk home late at night, by myself, without a care in the world.

One of my favorite things to do is to offer to walk men home. They’ll be like, “How do I know you’re not a dragon?” and I’ll be like, “Oh, I am a dragon.” And then they run. It’s a real hoot. Particularly since I would genuinely be happy to walk them home. I sort of enjoy the protector role. But very few of them can accept it. I don’t know how they don’t know I’m safe. I mean, I’m a nice girl! Why don’t they give me the benefit of the doubt? I mean, sure, I’m a dragon but I’m a NICE dragon. I don’t go out on these streets stalking for prey. I like men. I just want to help them out!

I have so many late night adventures now! I go out exploring. I get midnight breakfasts. I’ve become the flaneur I’ve always longed to be.

Oh, it’s this great concept that started in Paris in the 19th century where men would just wander around enjoying the culture, taking walks, just watching the world go by. I feel like I’ve become who I always wanted to be.

Oh yeah – the police were in here, just doing a safety check – like you two were the dang president. One of them even had one of those ear pieces like the secret service wears. What are they so afraid of here? I mean – we have a dressing room full of dragons; It seems to me you’d be safer here than almost anywhere on earth.

Oh what? Ugh. Yeah – we’ve had a few of that type try and come in – their eyes all wide and hungry. They never pass the vibe check up front.

I mean, they’re the type that cannot hide their feelings. They out themselves immediately. And they for sure cannot deal with us.

But they’re after you two. I see.

I mean – I don’t think the TV people want to get footage of us eating anyone or setting them on fire. It feels like that might spoil their story arc – even if it would get them some publicity in the short term. And really, I’d prefer not to have any of my dragon misbehaviors documented. I just feel like – at some point – the laws are going to catch up with the current moment and I think it is very unlikely they will work in our favor.

I mean – I can’t imagine judges will look kindly on us having eaten someone because he made an untoward remark. That’s not usually how justice systems work. They don’t weigh your thousands of years of oppression and think a nasty comment is worthy of a death sentence. And my human self agrees. But my dragon does not care.

I guess I’m just saying it’s good they did a sweep because I would rather not eat anyone.

I am sorry those guys are after you two, though. That’s terrible.

No, yeah, they told us that they’re looking for contrast here. So we’re going to give them our best liberated and free selves.

Oh, yeah, you too.

I mean, in a way, it doesn’t matter what any of us do – I’m pretty sure your presence here will do enough of the work of showing “liberated and free”. So I’d say just watch the show, enjoy it any way you like. We’ll pull you up for a little bonus dance and that’ll do it, I think.

No, no, the crew is all women so it’s actually been amazing.

Ah. It looks like they’re ready to start. I’m going to head in – then they’ll kick off by having you come through our doors, I think.

 You two break a leg, too.

You may be the audience but it is really your show.

Merde.

In bocca al lupo.

Cheers.

* 

Sound of a dragon roar. Sound of a toilet flushing in the men’s room

Justin

Well well we meet again.

Justin actually. They call me Axe. It’s funny because I remember your name.

Well – the men’s room is the only place we’re really safe anymore, isn’t it? You’re always with a dragon or some other woman who might turn dragon. The only place a guy can have a safe conversation is here.

It’s not an ambush. I just wanted to talk.

Sure – we hoped you’d come here. It is the closest restaurant to those dragon dancers. It was a likely contender. And they have those fancy cocktails – we figured you two might go for that.

Don’t worry – there’s no one else is here. It’s just me. And I’m worried.

It is kind of a flaw most of the officers they have on protection duty for you are women. They can’t come in here. This is our space. For us.

Nah, man. I don’t mean you any harm. We just wanted to get you a message. Maybe get you to come down for a meeting. You can bring your police escorts if you want.

Nah, man. I don’t think anyone thinks you’re going to join our cause. We’re not going to convert you. You’re a goner I’m pretty sure. No, we just want to share our perspective with you.

Just – come have a chat with Fat Man and Little Boy. That’s all. What harm could a chat do?

Oh sure they’re keeping tabs on you. Sure. But there are a lot of people keeping tabs on you, I think. Tab, tab, tab.

Why so paranoid, Brent? Is sleeping with a dragon making you a little jumpy? I know I couldn’t relax with a dragon next to me. Is she going to eat me in my sleep or what? I don’t know how you do it.

You don’t think she’s going to eat you – but how do you know for sure? You can’t. She could eat you at any moment.

Nah, man. Nah. Not for me.

No – what I want is for them to have never existed. I want them to just fade away back into JUST WOMEN – no dragons.

Like the old days when girls were just girls and they’d laugh at your jokes even when they weren’t that funny. I haven’t had a girl laugh at my jokes since The Dragoning took off. I miss it, man.

Oh, I’ve got a buddy who tried explain it to me. He said, “When you’re the one in charge, all your jokes are funny and everything you say is insightful.” And we all used to be the CEOS of life, you know. We were wise and hilarious. But those dragons took that away from us. It’s not so much that they’ve created chaos and destruction – it’s that they’ve taken away our sense of ourselves as winners. I don’t like feeling like a loser, Brent. I don’t want to be on the back foot, ever. I want to be the king that I am, you know. I won’t let a bunch of chicks take that away from me.

I’m fighting it all the way. I won’t let the tide keep turning like this. I just won’t. I’m a winner Brent. A winner.

Right – well – card has all the info on it for the meeting with Fat Man and Little Boy. We know you’re going to share it with your police escorts – they’re invited, too. I mean, everyone is welcome to come learn about the Wave.

Oh, the Wave is what’s going to turn the scourge around, Brent. The wave is going to change everything. It will turn back the clocks, it will return things to normal. And we’re all a part of it, Brent. You, me, your police escorts. It’s the movement we’re all working toward.

Oh, sure, I bet your time is getting tight. Your girls are going to be wondering where you are. Don’t worry, Brent. You’ll soon be free. We’re going to set you free. The Wave will set you free.

Don’t forget to wash your hands.

*

Sound of a dragon roar. Sound of a film crew setting up a shoot. Crowd. Music. And beep, beep, beep…

DYLAN

 Brent! Buddy! I have missed you! What’s been going on? I’m so happy to see you, I can’t even say.  It’s wrapping up – all the plans are coming together. And then they’ll start airing this business and I am pretty excited.  I’ve never been on TV before, Brent! And I always wanted to. I didn’t say it to anyone but I really did. I’d dream about it.

Oh, I imagined myself on a talk show, explaining some unusual talent or something.

No, I don’t have any unusual talents, unfortunately, and everything I tried to pick up pretty much fell apart.  But now they tell me I might be able to do a little promotional tour once this starts airing. They’ll want me to go out on some late night show host’s couch and talk about my experience with all this.

Yeah, I guess my special talent will be going to talk about dragons and dragon hate groups on talk shows. You wanna come with? We could do it as a team. You’re really good at it.

They told me to watch your clips - so I could learn from you. And I’ve been studying those clips, man. Studying. At the feet of the master, you know.

Do you have any tips?

Oh, really? Do you think she’d help me?

Me. A good investment. Brent. Are you serious?

What’s her name again?

 Oh. Okay Amanda. Nice. So I’ll call her and she’ll coach me a little bit?

 No, no. Of course, if she’s up for taking me on. Sure. Yeah.

 It’s been really crazy. I have to say. Just bonkers.

I have had to do a lot of pretending. But I guess, what I’ve been realizing is that most of my life I’ve had to do a similar kind of pretending, you know.

Just – like – pretending to be tougher than I am, more of a MAN, I guess. Like,  laughing at these guys horrible jokes is not so dissimilar to all the times I laughed at other jokes the guys made.

 You know – stuff about women or gays or anyone. It’s a familiar muscle. Which, you know, Brent, doesn’t make me feel great about myself. I wish I were the kind of guy who couldn’t help himself helping other people, defending other people, standing up for other people – but I’ve always been a laugh along with the crowd guy. I’m just grateful that that’s allowed me to do this weirdo gig.

 I mean, this is way better than driving a tour bus, you know what I mean? Way better.

 I got a lot of ideas, sure. And maybe I’m going to get enough resources to do something about them. Or maybe, Brent, stuff will just come to me. Can you imagine? All this hustling I’ve done – and this gig just came to me. Because of you!

 Right – okay!

What they want me to do here, Brent, is to prepare you a little bit for what you’re walking into. You should be reasonably safe – you have police escorts, after all. Though, I’ll remind you, there are a lot of police in this group – so if things start to get dangerous, I’d suggest not waiting for anyone else to handle it and getting the hell out.

Oh I’ll be right with you in getting out. I don’t want a dramatic reveal of my real allegiance. I’m getting the hell out if it starts to get squirrelly in there.

 Right. Okay. So – Fatman and Little Boy are planning on talking with you. I don’t really know what about. My guess is it’s going to be the usual “Come join the kings of Dragon City, take your power back” sort of stuff. They’ll probably offer you stuff a lot of people might find hard to refuse.

 I’m guessing – money, fame, adulation, whatever they can think of.

But of course, there will be a price.

 I’m sure they’ll frame it as they just want to talk to her – but I’m telling you, Brent, they do not just want to talk to her. They want to establish dominance over her. I don’t know what that will mean exactly. I don’t think they intend to kill her – just show themselves with power over her somehow. But whatever they have in mind would not be nice, that much I know. I’d just want to make sure these jerkwads don’t get anywhere near her.

 We’re on the same team, my man. I’ve been nodding and smiling about some disgusting stuff because I want to make sure nothing happens to you two. And listen, my hope is that arrests are made before Ashley could be in any danger – but I know you know how desperate these guys are. They feel they’ve been dethroned and like any king story, they will stop at nothing to get their crowns back.

 I mean, me? I never had a crown and I don’t think I’d want one. But these guys felt they were alphas before and they’re and mad at being demoted.

 And, you know, before, Brent – before, I might have fallen in line with guys like this – tried to get in good with them, tried to become like them or something? But one of the PAs was telling me that this whole alpha thing they’re into isn’t even real.

Oh, well, it’s, like, based on an idea about wolves that has nothing to do with how wolves actually behave. The idea that some guy got wrong years ago was that wolf packs were led by one strong, dominant wolf. And he called that wolf the alpha. But I guess he was looking at wolves in captivity? And they behave a lot differently than wolves in the wild.

Yeah, wolves in the wild are very cooperative. There is no alpha. It’s just incredible team work where they look after one another to make sure no one gets left behind. Apparently, they have one wolf at the front of the pack – and another at the back who makes sure the most vulnerable members are protected. They’re leading from behind.

I want to be that kind of wolf, man. I want to look out for people, you know? Wolves.

Yeah alphas are just a fiction. Or, really, technically traumatized wolves in captivity. Which tracks, I guess.

Oh the PA? Yeah – I’ve got a little crush on her, truth be told. Don’t tell her, guys, okay?

Yeah. I was thinking of asking her out when this is all over. Again – guys – keep it under your hats!

Yeah, she might be a dragon. Anyone might be. You know – I’m willing to take the risk. I mean you’re a great role model for this, Brent. Like – if you can do it - maybe the rest of us can find a way.

I mean – anyone in this crew could be a dragon. They try and screen for it but you can’t. And you can’t, like ask right out. So – we really have to assume there’s a risk. And at this point, it’s no different than just walking down the street. I know not to be an idiot. And I know enough to keep a low level of fear going at all times. I keep the crew well fed, if there are, in fact, any dragons among them.

The crew inside the clubhouse is all dudes. That’s for everyone’s safety. The guys in there are very triggering for dragons and nobody wants to blow our cover that way. 

It does feel different depending on the crew.

Like – it’s weird – but sometimes with the men’s crew, I feel kind of challenged? Like, they’re looking at me through that lens, waiting for me to fuck up or step up or I don’t know. Just – it’s not neutral somehow.

Sure – it could just be projection – and also the room we’re always in, you know. Those guys are definitely not neutral.

This crew here – and I’m sorry to be talking about you like you’re not here, guys – gals – but that’s what they’ve trained me to do now – but just generally, I feel like they’re not really that concerned about me or what I do.

No – no – in a good way! Like – I can do whatever and they’ll shoot whatever no matter whether they like it or not.

I don’t know. I’m just a little more at ease with this group. Which is funny given that they are much more likely to include someone who could set me on fire.

No-  I’m sure part of it is that these are seasoned professionals who’ve finally gotten better shots because of the dragoning. .

Oh ha ha! Yeah shots! They’re getting good shots – with this camera.  

Yeah – but I mean, like, opportunities. And I can relate to that, you know. You know I was always looking for opportunities and I didn’t get a lot of them, you know – so I can relate. I can relate to that hunger, that fight. So weirdly, we have more in common, I think.

Yeah, I’ve turned around about seven times. But now? Now I feel like – this whole upside-down world has done me a favor. Like, at first, I was aligned with the fear, you know? Just the – kind of separatist feeling of bonding together with the other men, getting on my team, shoring up our defense. But it got a little boring, you know? Just hashing out the same grievances over and over again. Like a song you play so many times you start to wear out the tape.

I don’t know. It’s like – when I stopped re-hashing all the righteous indignation I felt about suddenly being afraid, I found this whole other way of doing things on the other side. And here I am – on TV. Or I will be. And these nice ladies tell me I’m gonna be a star.

(The beep of a walkie talkie)

Oh. Yeah. I guess we better get over there. Just remember, buddy, whatever you see me say or do – I’m with you. If you run, I run too.

(Dragoning theme credit music begins. Strings. Bells. It’s a little creepy but also fun. Like mischievous creatures sneaking around after midnight.)

EMILY: 

The Dragoning is created by Messenger Theatre Company and written by Emily Rainbow Davis

The Dragoning Theme was composed by Scott Ethier

Sound design by Matt Powell

Show art by Shannon Harvey

Produced by Kayshana Johnson 

This episode featured Jacki Jing as Delia, Andrew Winson as Justin and Jeff LaGreca as Dylan.

Messenger Theatre Company is a not-for-profit organization and we are entirely reliant on your support.

Thank you in advance for making our next project possible.

Stay safe out there everyone. And watch out for dragons.

(Music resolves.)

Season Three - Episode Eight - Very Interested in Dragons (Dylan, Sgt Ana Rengel and Harrison)

Messenger Theatre Company presents Season Three of The Dragoning

Episode Eight: Very Interested in Dragons

(The first few notes of the piano sound nice and theatre-y but then they start to deconstruct, a bit like a music box going awry. Strings come in. Men droning. Are they monks?)

EMILY:

Messenger Theatre Company presents

Season Three of The Dragoning

(lots of voices saying The Dragoning. The beat drops. There are some distorted strings or cries in rhythm.)

EMILY:

Episode Eight – Very Interested in Dragons

Dylan, Sgt Ana Rengel and Harrison

(The music sputters out.) 

*

(sound of dragon roar. Sound of a Zoom dial up. TV Producer announces Dylan and Brent on the line.)) 

DYLAN

Brent!

Thanks for checking in with me, Brent. I appreciate it.

Let me tell you – these guys are very interesting, Brent. If they didn’t want to kill your girlfriend, I’d introduce you. But they definitely want to kill your girlfriend which is a pretty major strike against them for me and a dealbreaker for you, so I definitely won’t even invite you. But I bet they think they could convert you, even so. These guys have confidence that you would not believe.

Well, they have all these plans. It’s hard to tell which ones they mean and which ones are just talk.

Sometimes the other guys are into something – and sometimes it’s just me and the undercover officer. And I tell you what, I do not want to be in one of those situations where they decide to do something because the law enforcement guy encouraged them to.

Oh, you know, I’ve heard way too many stories about groups that were all talk who then had weapons and supplies and plans made for them by the undercover guy. We’re not doing that here. I hope I made myself clear to the team about that. Because, I mean, these guys are assholes, there’s no denying it and we know they’ve done terrible things in the past – but I draw the line at setting them up.

Because it would just make more jerks like these – and if they’ve got a sense that they were set up, they get stronger – so much stronger.

The plans these boys would like to implement are plenty dangerous as it stands. I’ll let you watch the show. If they leave out any, I’ll let you know. 

I mean, I tell you what – it is weird as hell to be inside a hate group.  

Well – because in a weird way, it’s all love in there. I mean, highly toxic, macho love – but love. There are guys in there who might just be experiencing belonging for the first time. I think it’s mostly why they’re there, honestly.

I mean, me, I’m a pain in the ass, I know I’m a pain in the ass but I’m a pain in the ass who knows my father loved me, you know? I’m not a pain in the ass because of lack of love. This is just my personality. And some people love me anyway.

Yeah – people like my parents.

I don’t need to hate anyone to feel connected to other people, you know?

but even if the dragons were just animals – would it make sense to be a part of a hate group about them? I mean – would anyone form a Tiger Hate group? It’d be weird. You don’t like Tigers – just don’t go to the zoo – you don’t need to form a club about it, right? 

Even rats…rats are pretty universally disliked but I never heard of an anti-rat group. I mean – if you don’t like them – sitting around talking about them once a week would be the last thing you’d want to do.

That’s why I’m convinced these guys are actually, deep down, very interested in the dragons. I think this hate is a cover and actually they’re, like, attracted to them.

I think that’s why they’re so fixated on you.

Because they wish they were brave enough to connect with a dragon. They’d never admit it. And I’m not a psychologist or anything, but it feels pretty obvious to me that these guys have some deep down interest, you know. Maybe they had terrifying mothers, I don’t know.

Never read any Freud, no.

What do you know? Maybe I should go become a Freudian analyst! I’m a natural. 

No, no, I feel perfectly safe in there. They’re just sad dudes with a fair amount of charisma. I feel fairly certain if they used that charisma on women instead of men we might not be having this conversation, none the less be in the middle of a TV show about them.
Yeah, yeah, it’s a misdirected charisma hose. They’re just aiming its power in a stupid direction.  

Nah, I feel for them, you know. It’s kind of sad. They can only succeed in this one environment and I sympathize you know? There but for the grace of Brent, go I!
They like me to be surprised so all I can tell you is that there have been some absolutely reprehensible plans floated inside there and if any of them can be prosecuted, I suspect there are a lot of people ready to move on that.

I mean, as far as I know, the main issue is that dragons are legally unprotected, as dragons, but the minute the crime is against the woman, that’s when they can get you.

Dragon justice looks a lot different than your regular run of the mill person justice – so even if these guys don’t cross the line of going after women instead of dragons, the dragon justice might still come for them.

I mean, something’s coming for them, I think, even if it’s not official. Even if it’s a couple of producers in costume uniforms, this audience will demand some kind of consequences.

No, no, it’s not airing yet. That would be too risky. My cover would be blown. No – but there’s a test audience, sworn to secrecy.

I don’t know – maybe they’ve got them sequestered, like a jury?

Can you imagine? They’re like – we’re putting you up in a hotel just to watch TV every so often.

Right? Quite a holiday. I’d take that deal. 

But yeah. That’s the audience we have now.

And my understanding is that those folks will be ready to riot if we don’t see some justice.

*Uh- Dylan

Oh, I guess I’m not supposed to talk about those folks. I’m constantly tripping up over what I’m supposed to say, not supposed to say.

I guess I’ve always been that way, that’s chiefly how I made my reputation as a world class pain in the ass. But the good news here is that I have someone in my ear teaching me when I cross a line. If I could have had that in my youth, I think I’d have had a very different experience.

*Dylan

They don’t like it when I talk about the mechanics of making a TV show. I’m told it ruins the illusion of the viewing audience.. I guess they’re supposed to imagine this is all happening in real time and they’re just the fly on the wall – but meanwhile, there are writers on this show! Did you know they have writers on reality shows? How crazy is that?

Oh, they’re definitely going to cut this.

I guess I’m a little unleashed today because I’m talking with you. When I’m with the group, I have to be very careful.

For the cameras, sure – but also for my safety. And for Ashley’s safety, too.

How is Ashley? Is she okay?

I’m so glad. And I’m so glad I got to meet her. It really does help to keep her in mind when those guys start railing about how the dragons are animals – and dangerous predators at that. I just picture Ashley and how sweet she was to me and it helps me get through those moments.

No, I know even she could be dangerous. But you know, I keep thinking of all the dangerous men that women have been with, never knowing when they might snap. Somehow women have managed to spend time with monstrous men over the years, why can’t we do the same?

Yeah, I’m trying to learn. I think I’m evolving a little bit. I’m a pain in the ass but I’m not the worst.

Tech sound

I guess they got what they wanted with this. Anyway – Brent, thank you for bringing me in. I hope to do right by you and Ashley, okay? I just want you to know that.

Just in case they edit me to seem like some bigot who is out to get you. I want you to know from my mouth right now that I’m deeply grateful to you and for you, no matter what the edit is.

Oh, you know, they may do a mid-season reversal on me.

It’s where they make someone seem like a real jerk and then shock everybody when they do something nice. They warned me. They might end up using that strategy if they need to milk more drama out of a scenario.

No, the only reason I’m worried about it at all is if somehow you guys believe it. So that’s why I’m telling you now. We’re in the real life edit and I wouldn’t want any reality show tricks change your opinion of me. Even if that opinion is just “What a pain in the ass that Dylan is!”

No, I am. It’s fine. But I’m not a dragon hater. That’s the main thing.

Thanks, buddy.

Stay safe out there!

Sound of a dragon roar. Sound of the police station 

Sergeant Ana Rengel

There he is.

Thanks for coming, Brent. I know you’re busy.

So I asked you to stop by because that little incel group is starting to get a little dangerous

Well – Brent – I’ll tell you – and this is between us. We’ve discovered that several men in that group are members of the police force. This makes matters very sticky.

We had planned on just proceeding through the legit established system. We thought it might be a good idea in the eyes of those who are a little prejudiced against dragons. But it has become clear that there are an unusually large numbers of officers in this group. So once again, the Dragon Defense League has to the save the day.
The plan is to make arrests on charges that the regular force will have to accept and then hand them over.
Well, you didn’t hear this from me, but there is a kind of officer code in place which will keep us from hauling in our fellow officers – but this should encourage them to turn witness. And if we help them save everyone, they can even pretend they were part of the sting all along.

No, no. None of that is really why I wanted to talk to you – but it is important background. Because the thing of it is, the plan they’re cooking up involves you and Ashley.

I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news but I feel very strongly that it’s better for you to know than not.

I’m going to want you to be on high alert, okay? Don’t go anywhere with anyone you don’t know.

Well – they want to kidnap you both. I’m not clear what their plans are once they have you but it’s surely not to throw you a party. They mean trouble. Are they capable of implementing it? I don’t know. My position is to just assume they are and make extra sure we have you and Ashley under protection.  

I mean we already have an eye out – but with those new developments – we’re going to have eyes on you 24-7. So if you feel like someone’s watching you, you’re not paranoid, we are, in fact, watching you.

I know it doesn’t feel great to be surveilled but just know that we’re doing it to protect you 

We’re not going to do this in secret, though. I want you to know what everyone looks like so if you see someone ELSE following you or staking out your house or anything of the sort, you can let us know.

Okay – these are the cars you might see – these are the people. They’re not going to be dressed like cops so just expect these faces but in, like, hoodies and baseball caps.

Try not to make contact with any of them unless it’s an emergency. We don’t want to tip off the bad guys.

Yeah, it can turn out badly. That’s why we do this now. And if we send in someone new, we will definitely let you know so you don’t see someone new and go, “Oh, I don’t recognize that person – must be a new guy.” We will always tell you when there is a new guy.

I’m glad.

No, no. I’m not glad you’re in this situation of course but I AM glad you’re nervous, because if you’re nervous, you’ll be on your guard and that’s where I need you both to be.

But remember too, these guys are aiming for both of you and I don’t know if they remember that Ashley is a dragon so it is more likely that she will harm them than the other way around. The odds are that it won’t go well for them.

Well, I’d advise you to stick close to Ashley if you can – for both of your safeties.

Get to know our guys and our cars – and call us about anyone else.

No, we do know what the guys look like – but I don’t want you two looking out for them because I don’t want you mixing up the good guys and the bad guys

You ever see an actor from a TV show out in the world?

Right. Because you thought, “Hey I know that guy” long before you realized why. And if you’re in a conversation with them trying to work out if you went to high school together before you figure it out. I’m trying to avoid that conversation for you. Recognize our guys, assume everyone else is trouble. It’s simpler. Safer. That’s what I want for you.

No, that’s true. Ashley is my main concern. But you are her main concern so you become a concern for me, too.

Sure, if I was in a position where I could only save one of you, we all know who I’m going to choose but I’m hopeful it won’t come to that.

I’m glad you don’t take that personally, Brent. That’s what I appreciate about you.

Yes, right. You would ALSO save Ashley first.

And listen, I’m not a big fan of men, but I think you’re okay.

Well – you know Brent – most men are just too emotional and too afraid to admit it.

I’ve never seen a dragon angry. I mean – in her woman form

Yeah – but have you seen Ashley, in her Ashley form, get mad about something?
Right. She doesn’t get mad; She turns dragon. If someone in her life before had given her space to feel rage, she might not have turned.
Oh well – I never had trouble feeling anger. I’ve been furious most of my life and while you’d never know it in public, I long ago learned how to go home and smash any glass on hand.

I mean, have you seen the world?

You have then.

Yeah.

I mean, we’d have gone after those guys ages ago but we struck a deal with the TV people and we have to wait for them to get all the footage they need.

We’re impatient to neutralize the threat of these guys but we recognize that the longer we wait, the more evidence gets collected, the more rope there will be with which these guys will hang themselves.

It’s a trade-off – for sure – but if we hadn’t partnered up with the TV people, we wouldn’t know half or even three quarters of what’s going on in there. I feel fairly confident that this arrangement is going to pay off.

Sure – exactly. It is very important to know who to worry about within the force. No internal affairs investigation could have found that out. For all we know, some of those internal affairs guys are also closet misogynists – and some of them aren’t so closeted. Yeah…so it’s all for the best I think. We just have to be patient.  

I’m not so patient myself but I’m working on it, you know.  
Alright, Brent – you take care of yourself. And keep taking care of our Ashley. And you know what to do if there’s trouble.

*

Sound of a dragon roar. Sound of the Talon TV office

Harrison 

Jaden got you some water I see. Good, good. We want to make sure you have everything you need.

No, no. Your contracts are all sorted. Your agent is on top of everything. We’ve got your travel arrangements in progress and your itinerary getting ready for your approval. We just need to get the crew hired and organized and we will be ready to start having some meetings!

No but I want I wanted to talk with you about is a little – I don’t know – sensitive?

About the last few episodes of this other show.

Oh yeah, I heard they’ve got a protection team on you two, I was glad to hear it – no, no, what I wanted to ask you about is a whole other thing.

So, we heard through the grapevine that you and Ashley have a connection in the dragon burlesque scene and we all just thought how amazing it would be to get some footage there.

Right. Got it. She’s Ashley’s friend.

Well, to be honest. We’re a little scared to talk to Ashley. She’s a dragon after all.

No – of course we know phone is a perfectly safe way to communicate with a dragon. I don’t know why the team is so weird about it – but they wanted me to ask you first.

I don’t know, man. It’s a different world out there and you seem to be a good translator.

I mean, I guess this dragon burlesque situation is a little confusing because, like, are these ladies…dragons…being objectified? Will we upset them if we want to film them?

Oh really? I can respect that. I guess they’re not going to be satisfied with exposure, then, are they? 

No, no. I’m joking. They sound very savvy. Like – probably they won’t turn dragon if we depict them in a sexy light but they WILL dragon out if we try to lowball them on a contract.

I’m getting the situation.

Oh, they have an agent? Like, as a collective? Wow. They’re much more ahead in this market than I would have thought. I should talk to their agent then.

No – what we’re hoping to do is shoot you and Ashley at a show. You know, show you going out, living a full happy life while the guys over there in the group are getting increasingly more narrow in their outlook.

I won’t try and spin it. Boobs sell and if we fold a little sexy business into this story, the marketing team will have a much easier time of it.

Oh, the writing team will be so mad that I led with the marketing. The writing team feels like seeing all these dragon women so comfortable with their bodies and sexuality will be an incredible contrast to the incels in the hate group. Like, they feel that it will be a really – oh what did they say? It’s a literary term

Well, it’s like when two things are the opposite of each other but in a literary way. Shakespeare used it a lot apparently.

Yes! That’s it – ANTITHESIS! They want to get some antithesis going. I think the idea is to show how sexy and liberated the lady dragons are compared to the narrow repressed hate group.

But the boobs will also help

Right – well I’ll see if they’re up for it – and then we’ll check in with you and Ashley to see if you’d be willing to come.

I think this could be good for all of us in the end. Just people helping people. Dragons helping dragons.

(Dragoning theme credit music begins. Strings. Bells. It’s a little creepy but also fun. Like mischievous creatures sneaking around after midnight.)

EMILY:

The Dragoning is created by Messenger Theatre Company and written by Emily Rainbow Davis

The Dragoning Theme was composed by Scott Ethier 

Sound design by Matt Powell

Show art by Shannon Harvey

Produced by Kayshana Johnson

This episode featured Jeff LaGreca as Dylan, Vickie Tanner as Sgt Ana Rengel and Aaron Sinn as Harrison.

Messenger Theatre Company is a not-for-profit organization and we are entirely reliant on your support.

Thank you in advance for making our next project possible.

Stay safe out there everyone. And watch out for dragons.

(Music resolves.)

Season Three - Episode Seven - The Typhoid Mary of Dragons (Harrison, Enid and Amanda)

Messenger Theatre Company presents Season Three of The Dragoning

Episode Seven: The Typhoid Mary of Dragons

(The first few notes of the piano sound nice and theatre-y but then they start to deconstruct, a bit like a music box going awry. Strings come in. Men droning. Are they monks?)

EMILY:

Messenger Theatre Company presents

Season Three of The Dragoning

(lots of voices saying The Dragoning. The beat drops. There are some distorted strings or cries in rhythm.)

EMILY:

Episode Seven – The Typhoid Mary of Dragons

Harrison, Enid and Amanda

(The music sputters out.)

*

(sound of dragon roar. Sound of office conference room.)

HARRISON

Brent baby! This show is going to be a HIT. I’ve been seeing the footage and it is going to KILL. Let me tell you.

Your little buddy there is a damn star. He’ll go viral on the internet and people are going to tune in for him, I’m sure of it

Oh, Brent. You know what TV needs It’s some A plus villains and those boys at that club are going to be all A plus villains. The audience is going to love to hate them. I’ve never seen such excellent villainy outside of a Disney movie, you know? We usually have to make villains out of slightly irritating people – but these guys are just doing all the work themselves. It is unbelievable. And look, I know I’m no prize of a human – but they make me feel like a goddamn hero

Oh – right – why did we bring you in? It’s your travel show. We’ve got some intel about some places that would be interested in having you do your thing there. 

Well, just between you and me and the wallpaper, these are all places right on the edge of a dragoning and they’re interested in breaking that story with you.

Well, you’re already known as Dragon boy. You know – if you go to their country, it looks like you started their dragoning, not the women who live there.

No, no, not the blame. No. No, the story. The story becomes The Dragon boy who happens to be in the right place at the right time and isn’t that a crazy coincidence? Well, it’s just a much easier story to manage for a lot of these countries than the truth, which is that dragons have been showing up there for a while already. I understand why that’s not so appealing for you. I get it. But – listen, my friend, you want to travel, these are some really great opportunities.

They’re going to set you up in some nice spots. They’ll get you the best food, the best tourist locations, it’s gonna be deluxe.

Oh, plus a fixer and a translator for the countries where you don’t speak the language.

No, no, of course, you’ll be free to go and do what you want. You’ll just have, maybe, some more choices than if you were doing it on a budget.

 How about this? You make me a list of all the places you were dreaming of going on your travel show and I’ll make a list of everyone who wants to bring you over and if there’s any overlap, we’ll start there, okay?   

Listen, you’re my good luck charm now, Brent. I want you to do what you want and I’m just going to follow along behind you with a little broom and a dust pan collecting any money you leave behind.

Yes, yes – like, you’re an elephant and I’m that artist who made a fortune with paintings made of elephant dung. I’m just here to sweep up behind you  

I guess I was thinking about elephants because, you know a lot of these countries have a fair amount of them and I was picturing you and Ashley on an elephant ride – and what a compelling promo image that would be.

Well – we’d do our best to find you an ethical elephant ride, wouldn’t we? If that’s something you want, we’ll get it for you.

I’m happy to have you kick this off as soon as we’ve finished shooting the incel show.

No, that’s not what we’re calling it. It’s just what I’m calling it for now – because if there’s one thing I know for sure, it’s that those guys have never had girlfriends.

Anyway – we’ll get those decks clear and send you abroad.

I’m getting excited about it, honestly. I mean – this show is pretty much making itself.

Honestly, you mentioned it and before we could even run it up the flag pole, we were getting calls from the reps for foreign governments. I gotta tell you, that does not happen every day around here.

And then when we started to see the footage from this incel project – well, I’ll be honest, I was suddenly able to picture this travel show clear as day. I don’t know why I didn’t see it before. Maybe because I don’t really watch travel shows in general but I know now that I would watch yours, no question. 

I’d cast myself as your travel companion just to see it up close.

Oh no. Don’t worry. I won’t do that. I know I am not good on camera.

You make us a list of where you want to go and we’ll compare notes.

No, no. I’m not going to say. I do not want to bias you one way or another. I might not even tell you if the country is offering incentives or whatever. We’re just going to send you somewhere you want to go.

And you can ride on any kind of animal you want. They’re all good pics.

*

Sound of a dragon roar. Sound of a diner.

ENID

You want some more coffee, sugar?

My pleasure.

I hope you don’t mind me asking but you’re that dragon’s boyfriend, aren’t you?

Sure – I recognized you from the TV. You’ve all over it.

Yeah? You’re going to make some shows? That’s very exciting. What are they about?

I like travel shows, that sounds nice.

Let me ask you something. Do you mind? Since you’ve been in two dragonings so far and you’ve met more dragons than most, I’m just wondering if you’ve ever run across an old dragon.

Well, I guess all the ones on the news seem to be young women and to be honest, I’d be kind of interested in turning dragon myself but so far, no one I know has turned.

I mean, it’s hard to know if it’s just the normal old ageism or if dragons don’t manifest in us. Maybe.  Am I too ornery to dragon? I know the dragons manifest in nice girls. I used to be nice, back in my youth. It’s still in me. But I’m not as nice as I used to be. Maybe that keeps the dragon away.

I mean, yeah. That’s my sense, too. I’m pretty sure it’s not going to happen for me, though if I could figure out how to make it happen, I would.

Probably whatever evolutionary genetic quirk they have, happened long after I was born. I’ve had to just go along with no claws, no fire, no teeth.

I mean, I have teeth. Just not teeth teeth, you know.

I guess I had to create my own kind of teeth. You know, I can’t eat anyone – much as I’d like to  - but I’ve got some tricks to cut folks down to size when I need to. I guess I just think – being a dragon might be faster and neater.

Oh, like the other day, I was sitting way in the back there, taking a break, enjoying a minute to myself with some coffee, you know. And this man, maybe a little older than me comes back and asks me how long I’d been sitting there. I said maybe five minutes and he said, “You just lost five minutes of your life.” I said, “Excuse me?” And he goes, “They’ve done scientific studies and every minute you sit takes a minute off your life.”

I don’t think it is true – and I don’t generally take kindly to people who come up to give me unsolicited health advice.

I told him, “It’s worth it” and went back to reading my paper. And this bozo doesn’t take the hint. He comes up closer and asks, “Is that coffee?” I held up my hand and told him I didn’t need any feedback, thank you, but he just kept coming and told me coffee was the worst drink for the evening, that it was going to ruin my sleep and I should drink it in the morning if I had to drink it at all. And I longed to be a dragon, Brent. I longed for it.

This busybody of a man invading my space, taking up my precious break time….and my hand was not enough to stop him even though the gesture was very clearly indicating stop.  

Well – I hear all these things about men being so afraid of women these days and yet this man had no fear of me whatsoever. Does he know that older women aren’t as dangerous? Are we not? Does he know something I don’t? Or is he just oblivious to the whole situation?

You know, I have noticed a shift. I have seen a bit of improved behavior, particularly in young men. It’s a carefulness, I guess. But a lot of the older men, even though they say they’re terrified, don’t seem to be terrified at all.

I suppose it could be an old dog new tricks situation, like they just can’t make a shift at this point? But I can make a shift. I feel very capable of adjusting so I don’t know that it is age.

Maybe the compulsion to invade women’s space is so strong, they cannot resist. I do not know how that man is not in the belly of a dragon. 

With that approach? You know he’s said those same things to hundreds of women before me and maybe even some men if he was in the mood.

Oh I am as bad as he is, yapping at you while you’re trying to enjoy your coffee.

Really? Oh you’re sweet.

Thank you. I mean, my feeling is – what people drink or eat or do, for that matter, is nobody’s business but their own.

What does that man care about me and my health? He doesn’t, he’s just trying to tell me something to do. I had a customer tell me what it’s called…that fake concern for health. Oh goodness. What was it? Oh, she called them concern trolls.

Yeah, it’s good isn’t it? People who make your body something for them to be concerned about.

Listen, I’m a mind your own business sort of person. Live and let live, you know. I don’t understand busybodies like that. I just don’t.

Do they? 

Oh no.

But it’s the same thing, isn’t it? They don’t care how happy you might be. They’re somehow convinced that happiness is unimportant because they think your girlfriend might hurt you.  Well, I got a thing or two to tell people like that. Women have been partnering with dangerous men for thousands of years and people like that didn’t bat an eye or advise them not to risk getting involved with men. Danger has been a part of the deal for women who want to be with men for all these years. I think it’s a perfectly acceptable risk to take for someone you care about.

Yes. I think all those concern trolls should take a long walk off a short pier.

People must tell you you’re easy to talk to all the time.

I knew it.

Well, it takes one to know one, I suppose.

Yeah, they do. I’ve heard a thousand sob stories, let me tell you. But more than sob stories, some conundrums, some quandries – and a lot of nonsense. And a million explanations for a million different things. 

Do they not? Well, you have been missing out, let me tell you. I’ll explain….just kidding. I wouldn’t do that to you.

No listen. You stay strong, young man. I’m proud of you.

Those guys are doing that snapping thing I hate. I guess I better go over there. Boy are they lucky I’m not a dragon.

Wouldn’t that be something. An old woman dreams of dragons.

No, no, sugar. That coffee is on me. You just made my night a million times better.

Well, you know how it is when you’re someone everyone tells their troubles to – sometimes you need to spill your own, I guess. Don’t you?

Yeah. Anyway. You come on back anytime and I will happily listen to any trouble you want to spill.

Yes, please! I would love to hear any news about old lady dragons. I long for it, truly.

You take care.

*

Sound of a dragon roar. Sound of the Hotel Davina Bar

AMANDA

So, this reality show that you’re in the middle of now, I love for you, in that you’re the star part. 

I think it’s something Orson Welles said, like, it’s the character that everyone talks about for the whole movie and then you turn up and everyone’s all excited because the star has turned up but you don’t actually have to do a lot. And I like this for this you because this show, while we are getting a creator credit for you on it, is not your baby. This is not the show you dreamed of in your cradle, I know. & That show is the next one and it is going to knock everyone’s socks off, I’m 100% sure. And that IS your baby and your baby is going to be beautiful.

Yeah, yeah, so they put all the lists together and your top three were in their top five so they’re thinking we should go with your number one – that is, if your number one is still your number one. Is your number still your number one?

Hot chocolate! That’s great news. I think we have ourselves a show, then! I’ll let them know and then we’ll start hammering out the details of the deal.

I think it’ll be up to you how lux you want to take it. From what we’ve talked about, we go lux on the invisible stuff and cheap on the visible. Do I have that right?

Oh good. Yeah. I think that’s the way.

No. I absolutely do not think it’s misleading.  

Well – because what happens behind the cameras is really nobody’s business. No one ever shows everything. We don’t need to see the anchorman’s apartment to listen to her read the news. We don’t need to know where anyone sleeps. And, frankly, we need you in good fighting shape for the part where you’re on camera. Sure, you could sleep in a tent – but you’ll probably sleep better on a nice mattress in a room with some climate control. It’s practical fundamentally. We’ll save buckets of money on under-eye concealer this way!

Of course I’m joking. You look like a million bucks. Which coincidentally is what they’re going to pay you for this thing. Good, right?

We’re doing alright. Proud of you, Brent.

I’ve got some paperwork for you to sign if you feel like you’re ready.

No – they drew these up for me today. They are desperate to get started.

Well – I did suggest that we might take this elsewhere if they didn’t give us what we wanted. So… 

They sweetened the pot for us.

Yeah, it’s a nice sweet pot now.

Well, thank you. I do what I can.

No, listen, it’s the wild west out there now. Everyone’s hungry for dragon content and I just happen to be connected to the best dragon content available. The dragoning has been gutting for some people around here – and back home. But we just happen to be standing in the sweet spot as far as the rest of the world’s interest is concerned.

I do think it’s important that we seize this moment because no one knows what the backlash is going to look like. Or – a world full of dragons. That could happen, too. Or both.

My feeling is, everything’s turning upside down and sideways but we are standing on the one spot that is clear and steady for the moment. We get our millions and we’ll be in a better position for whatever’s next.

I don’t know what’s next. The TV guys don’t know what’s next.

Given your connections, I’d wager you have more of a sense of what’s next than anyone.
See? If you don’t know what’s next then no one knows what’s next.
So – you think you’re ready to sign these? Because what’s next for you is a trip halfway around the world!

Yeah, yeah. I sent you a digital copy too.

Yeah, no, truthfully, we’ve already discussed it with Ashley – just in context of her own projects. I’m not trying to steal your ability to work things out yourself, I promise. We just – had to move on one of her projects and what your plans are factored in to it.

I think we’re all in agreement that running two different programs at once is a good way to double the money. Am I right about that for you? 

Good. It’s just, like, if someone wants both of you – great – I know you two would love to work together – but they’re going to have to pay for both of you at your individual rates. You’re not a set. You’re not a bargain. I’m not having that. Buy one dragon, get a dragon boyfriend free? No way. We’re not doing that. While you’re both hot, we have to seize the moment. 

The hottest!

No, I know. You’re both worried about time apart. But here’s what I think. We have you make guest appearances on one another’s shows. We negotiate a guest spot – so we get a little time together and some extra money, without compromising on either of your star vehicle fees.  

You think so? I do feel a bit like I’ve been waiting my whole life for this and there’s not a chance I’m going to blow any of our opportunities. I mean, this is all way better than I could have imagined.

One - uh – the existence of dragons.
Right? I mean. None of us saw this coming. None of us were prepared for it. Ashley never dreamed of becoming a dragon. She tells me she wanted to be a dancer, for crying out loud. It’s a far cry from dragon life. And you – you surely didn’t dream of life with a dragon. You probably could have bopped around the world for many years before settling down. Not that we’d call this settling down. I can barely keep up with you. But – you know – just being in a committed relationship didn’t really seem to be your thing before, am I wrong?

And me – well, I’d thought about becoming an agent but PR seemed easier when I started. And then I met you and we put this whole new way of doing things together. We are right on the hot spot. All of us together.

Oh, sure, I mean, when we all managed to work together to get a person out of prison – and not just your every day prison but the under the radar, could be held indefinitely sort of prison.

I mean, we DID that!

You got the story. I got you on the shows – and Ashley inspired us to keep going in there.

Well - Dragons had a bad reputation in general and Ashley eating those guys at the airport got her a specifically bad reputation. But you managed to rehabilitate her reputation with that amazing boyfriend tour. That’s a very successful PR turnaround if you ask me. That power is why we’re able to get such good deals now. Because Ashley is now not just your sweetheart but the world’s sweetheart. And that’s because of you and how you talk about her. 

Well. I think it worked because her being in that prison was a PR issue. Our government didn’t want to be seen to be lax but once she became the world’s sweetheart, they couldn’t keep her anymore. If they’d charged her with something and put her on trial, it would have been a different story – but this was all PR. No verdict to overturn or case to investigate -– just pure international PR. And frankly, I think they were grateful to be rid of her.

I mean – they were so scared of her! It was really something to see. All those big tough guys with too many muscles were absolutely quaking in their boots. When I went to see her, they must have warned me twenty times to be careful. It’s like, even though they must have known I was in no danger at all, they couldn’t help projecting their own fear onto me.

Even if dragons did do anything to women, which they don’t, she was in that fireproof cell.

They were terrified. It must have been hard on their nervous systems. Honestly, I think all those guys were grateful for an excuse to let her go.

And they couldn’t keep her once the local dragons started emerging. The fear that she was going to kick off a new dragoning was off the table. 

Maybe you did. We can’t know, can we? Certainly we can’t blame you for the first dragoning!

It started well before you showed up.

I mean where were you when the first Dragoning kicked off?

Thailand? Really?

Well, then we really can’t blame you for it, can we? You were miles away, Officer!

No, no, you are not the Typhoid Mary of dragons. Can you imagine?

No, no. You’re conveniently present for big dragon events but no one with any sense thinks you’re the cause.
We’ll watch out for it. I’ll make sure to steer them away from that narrative.

I mean, even these dragon hate groups don’t think you’re the cause, do they?

Yeah – that’s what I thought. They want to convert you to their cause, not blame you.

I mean – I don’t want to get too Women’s Studies here but how could they blame women for everything if it’s your fault?

Don’t worry, Brent. I’m on it. I’m looking out for you here.

Right on! We’ve got a show!

Congratulations! 

(Dragoning theme credit music begins. Strings. Bells. It’s a little creepy but also fun. Like mischievous creatures sneaking around after midnight.)

EMILY:

The Dragoning is created by Messenger Theatre Company and written by Emily Rainbow Davis

The Dragoning Theme was composed by Scott Ethier

Sound design by Matt Powell

Show art by Shannon Harvey

Produced by Kayshana Johnson

This episode featured Aaron Sinn as Harrison, Laura Mirsky as Enid and Rhiannon Moushall as Amanda.

Messenger Theatre Company is a not-for-profit organization and we are entirely reliant on your support.

Thank you in advance for making our next project possible.

Stay safe out there everyone. And watch out for dragons.

(Music resolves.)

Season Three - Episode Six - Five Thousand Years (Zeke, Dr. Andrea Hester, Dylan)

Messenger Theatre Company presents Season Three of The Dragoning

Episode Six: Five Thousand Years

(The first few notes of the piano sound nice and theatre-y but then they start to deconstruct, a bit like a music box going awry. Strings come in. Men droning. Are they monks?)  

EMILY:

Messenger Theatre Company presents

Season Three of The Dragoning

(lots of voices saying The Dragoning. The beat drops. There are some distorted strings or cries in rhythm.)

EMILY:

Episode Six – Five Thousand Years

Zeke, Dr Andrea Hester, Dylan

(The music sputters out.)

*

(sound of dragon roar. Sound of café door opening.)

Zeke

Hey man – wow – I’m so glad you came back here! The owners were like, no way he’s coming back and I was like, you’re probably right but I’m so glad we were all wrong! What can I get started for you? 

Right? It’s not just the cute name – that dragonccino is really delicious.

Well – it is definitely the most popular drink we have – but I’m actually partial to the Dragon Repellent.

Oh it’s a cappuccino with pine sugar – because you know how pine helps keep women from dragoning up? Well this pine sugar is delicious, we sprinkle the top with it and, there’s also a spoonful of pine flavored syrup in it, too.

Oh, sure, smelling is totally possible.

Get a whiff of that.

I know, well – when I first started here, I was wary of the pine – but now I have to have at least one a day.

Well, I’d have more but this pine sugar isn’t cheap and I can’t be going crazy drinking it all day.

Oh, absolutely. We call that a Failed Dragon Repellent because we set it on fire. You want me to get one going for you?

Thank you, boss. I’ll tell the owners. 

Yeah, it’s kind of rare for anyone to innovate in this space these days. I feel like the pumpkin spice thing was the last time anyone made a big leap in café culture – and that was so long ago, I wasn’t even drinking coffee yet when that happened.

Yeah, I keep telling them it’s a real leap.

Oh, they say that the Dragoning was such a big evolutionary leap it had to bring other stuff along. They’re convinced we’re going to see a new world full of exciting innovations.

I don’t know I’m just a barista – but I guess it’s possible. I mean, I read this book about how art and music, and like everything – sort of flattened out at the turn of the century and there’s been no innovations in music or art or coffee or whatever in all these years – so if this is what shakes us out of that same-i-ness, I’m okay with it. Not that it would matter if I wasn’t. If I’ve learned anything from the Dragoning it’s that I’m not nearly as important as I thought I was.

No. That’s not true. 

What I’m actually learning is how to survive in a world that seems to want to kill me – but sometimes I guess that feels like I’m just not that important, you know? Like, you realize, if I got eaten tomorrow, a small handful of people would be sad and my bosses would have to train the next barista themselves but otherwise, you know, my impact on the universe thus far has been negligible. 

Oh, no. I’m not upset about it. I just – I guess what I realized is that I had a pretty inflated sense of my own importance before.
No – you’re -  you’ve done a lot! You were in the news – in all those videos. You’re the Dragon’s Boyfriend!

Oh – yeah. I guess I see that. You’re – no, I don’t want to say it.

Yeah, sidekick does sort of sum it up. Does that upset you?

No, I get it, I’d kind of like it, too. I don’t need to be the main character. I’m just happy to be in the story. That’s exactly my point – that it’s kind of a nice change to just live my life and not take an oversize role in it somehow. I don’t know. Trauma has a big impact on all of us, I guess.

Well – they’re saying that all of us who’ve experienced the Dragoning are pretty much traumatized. Or at least the men are. The women may be having the opposite experience. What they’re saying is that we’ve had our sense of safety severely compromised.  

Oh, just that most of us never had much reason to fear before.

I hadn’t been truly afraid since I was a child afraid of monsters under the bed. But now…now  - I’m genuinely afraid a lot of the time and I gotta say, it takes a lot out of me.

Oh, I know the fear is keeping me alive – but it is not without cost. I just get a lot less done, you know? I had no idea how much a life without fear was worth!

Turns out – a lot?

Here you go – One Failed Dragon Repellent for you.

I know, right? I’m so glad you like it.

No – listen – what I mean is if I could go back in time to the pre- dragon world, I would appreciate the absence of fear. I would walk around reveling in how little I had to be afraid of.

And there were things I ought to have been afraid of and I wasn’t  - and it was nice.

I mean, I put it all on the list of Things I Should Have Been Grateful for Before. And it’s funny to be grateful for an absence of something.  

I used to feel powerful, you know.

But I was not a king. And sometimes women gave me everything because they were afraid I would turn on them.
No. Never. But I see now that that doesn’t mean I wasn’t benefitting from the fear that I would. Just because I wasn’t aware of it at the time doesn’t mean I wasn’t milking it for all it was worth.

Well, I know that now because I find myself on the other side of it. Like, I do EVERYTHING I can to please any woman that I’m with because I am afraid she will turn on me, turn dragon and eat me. The only difference is we’re both fully aware that that’s what’s happening.  

Since it’s new, you know? The other way had been going on for millennia – and this way just turned around this year.

So – it’s just more obvious.

Is it evolution or devolution?

Which is more evolved: awareness or power? Power felt better – but I also realize that it was the cause of a whole lot of destruction and suffering.  

No! Not mine! Oh my God. No. I’m a barista; I’ve never had any real power. But…you know, power in general. In the hands of men for thousands of years. We didn’t do a stellar job with that throughout history.

Yeah, our five thousand years might be up.

Oh, a friend of mine told me about a feminist art show from a while ago that was called Your Five Thousand Years are up – and I think about it sometimes.

Well - because it doesn’t seem fair, does it? We had everything for 5000 years and right here at the end of it, we were born? Like, I never got to really take advantage of this famous male privilege.

But when your five thousand years are up, they’re up. 

I mean – it doesn’t mean it’s the end of everything for men. If I were really worried about it, I could move somewhere that hasn’t had a dragoning yet. Which is pretty much everywhere. But this is where things are happening, you know? And just because men won’t be at the center anymore doesn’t mean we can’t get up to some interesting stuff. I mean women managed all these years, we can do it, too. Just because it’ll be harder to get to the top, doesn’t mean it’s not worth doing stuff. I mean – right now I’m part of some coffee innovation, who knows what’s around the corner?

What’s the alternative? Get weird and bitter like those incel groups? No thank you. Their 5000 years are up but they think they’re going to bully their way to another 5000.

Sorry – those guys get me all worked up.

You too, huh?

Yeah, I’ve had some friends slide into that life and they’re just irretrievable. I can’t stomach them anymore.  

One was telling me they’d hired a hunter – a lady hunter, no less, to go after dragons.

Come to think of it, I haven’t heard from that guy in a while. I’m going to guess that plan backfired spectacularly.

You’re kidding me. You met that hunter? And the dragon she went after? That was real?

No. You were not. You were there? Damn man – how do you do it? You’re just everywhere! 

No – I really haven’t heard from him in awhile.

I mean, to me, and I tried to tell him this, to me, he was basically trying to hire a contract killer - and that’s just -  you know it’s entertaining in movies but that’s not the way civilized people behave. He didn’t see it that way of course. He saw it as exterminating a dangerous animal.
Well – frankly – Given half the chance he’d have gotten rid of all women just on the off chance they could be dragons. I’m embarrassed to have stayed in touch with him for as long as I did.

Oh, you know, he was kind of fun to play foosball with. 

He was a pretty simple dude. It’s possible he just watched the wrong video and had his head turned, you know? In any case, it’s a shame.

I mean, frankly, I’d be surprised if he hasn’t been eaten. Or set on fire. At a certain point, I could barely tolerate him. Any dragon who happened to cross his path would be extremely likely to eat him right up.

I mean, we all know the types now, don’t we?

Don’t you look at guys on the street and go, “Oh, yeah – he’s gonna be toast.” Or “that guy is Dragon Brunch within the week.”

And you know, maybe someone thinks that about me somewhere, I don’t know – but I hope I’ve learned a few things about survival in this world.

Yeah – that’s it, really. Try not to be a dick. Keep an eye on your surroundings.

because I’d just walk down the street and I was really used to women always getting out of my way and I had to bump into a few before I realized I should start adjusting how I moved through the world out there. 

Yeah, no, it’s not just walking, is it? It’s like – I feel like I understand about inside voices now in a way that I did not before. Like, sometimes you gotta keep your voice down. Like, now, no worries. But if there were a woman over at that table trying to study or read or whatever, it would be library voices in here, you know? I learned that the hard way.

Well, it wasn’t hard for me but the guy who was going on about cryptocurrency at a boisterous volume learned the hard way right in front of me. 

Yep – one minute he was telling me about the blockchain in excruciating detail and the next minute a dragon was standing there licking her lips and looking at me. 

I just nodded at her like I was grateful for her service and she went back to her table, looking just like she had when she came in.

Yeah. It was wild, let me tell you.

Maybe it helped that she was a regular? I mean, she knows me. And she knows no one else makes the dragonccinos like me so she had lots of reasons not to eat me.

Oh, yeah, she comes in here all the time. We have a nice rapport. I think she appreciates that I’m cool with her dragon stuff. I mean, sure, I’m terrified but I figure if she didn’t eat me when she was a dragon last time,

Oh, good point. I’m probably kicking off a whole feast of fear for her, too. Good point.

No. No. We’ve definitely never talked about it. But she does really overtip so I think she maybe is trying to make up for eating a guy in my workplace.

She’s a great customer. I like her. And that guy was really annoying. I got it. If I could have turned dragon, I’d have done it myself.

No, you’re right. I wouldn’t. But still you know we all have to adapt to this world and I think I’m doing okay.

And you’re doing amazing! Thanks for being such a good role model for the rest of us, man. It’s very helpful.

 And if you were a dragon, you’d have eaten me a while ago because I am blabbering on here. 

Really? Everyone? People like to tell you stuff, huh? Wow. Yeah. 

No, you’re right. People do tell me stuff, too. You’re right. Like that crypto guy – that’s why I wouldn’t have eaten him if I was a dragon – because it’s like a sacred barista trust to listen to people. Especially lonely dudes who don’t know how to have a conversation.  

I mean, don’t you think? Dudes like that don’t know how to back and forth so they just hold forth. And I can take it, you know. I can hold that kind of space for them, even if it is irritating.

No, no, man. I’ve talked your ear off again – that coffee is on the house. 

I’ll try not to overshare next time. Have a good one, man.

*

Sound of a dragon roar. Sound of the street

Dr Andrea Hester

Brent? Sorry. It’s Brent, right? Sorry to pull you up short on the street like this. I just – I don’t know if you’ll remember me. I treated you after your ice skating injury a little while ago.
Yes, right. I’m Dr. Hester.

No, please feel free to call me Andrea.
I’m so glad to hear you’ve healed up.
Yeah, truthfully – I don’t do a lot of follow ups in the emergency wing of medicine. But I’m glad of it. No, no. The reason I wanted to grab you is –

Well – yes – it was the pamphlet I gave you that I wanted to talk about.

No, because I saw you on the news when your girlfriend ate those guys at the airport and I thought, “That was my patient. And that was my patient I sent to the dragon safe house and is that the dragon he was singed by?”

Are you okay?

Oh good.

And I guess you didn’t go to the dragon safe house?

Do you mind if I ask why not?

Oh, sure. That makes sense. You weren’t afraid for your life.

Yes, I see. And you liked her. But weren’t you afraid?

Wow. “A little bit of fear keeps you both safe.” Huh. Well, I guess given the fear response in this pathology that might make some sense. I’m just so used to trying to keep people out of fear.

No, I suppose you’re right. Dragons don’t really stalk anyone. 

They are more reactive than predatory.

No, now that you mention it, we’ve never had a dragon come looking for any of our clients. Our clients come to us afraid, worried for their lives but unlike the domestic violence shelter I used to work at, we’ve never had to hold any dragons off. They seem genuinely un-interested in our clients. But our clients are truly terrified. And we look after them.

Well, you are welcome for patching you up. I guess that really was mostly a skating accident, then.

I’m sorry – I saw the singe-ing and I assumed the worst. 

No, you don’t have to tell me.

You were singed on your way out the door when she told you to run.

Wait, she told you to run? That’s unusual behavior.

I should say she had some conflicting emotions. My goodness she turns dragon to eat you and tells you to run as she’s transforming? Fascinating. I guess I ought to get into research because I am very curious about how all this works.

Well, I volunteered at domestic violence shelters before. They always need doctors, particularly women doctors. And when they started to close down the shelters -

Oh, for the best reason. They weren't needed any more. But one of the board members suggested we turn them into dragon safe houses, to look out for men who might have been traumatized by dragons.

No, truthfully, we haven’t had a lot of clients. Most men who turn up are certainly fearful but there’s rarely a particular dragon they’re running from.

They’re just generally scared and rarely has anyone had any actual contact with dragons. But we let them stay anyway because we have the space and the staff and we have to keep them occupied or we’ll lose all our funding!

I suppose we could pivot again, though to what?

Yeah, we don’t know either. I mean, I’m glad for you that your dragon love story worked out – but I have to confess, you were my prime example for a little bit.

Well, someone would say, “There no point in staying open!” and then I’d say, “But I had this patient with all this singe-ing. Where would he go if we weren’t here?”

Yes, I guess you did go to the airport. And since right now there are only two countries with dragons, I guess anyone who is looking to avoid them could also just go to the airport.

(Sigh) I really hoped I’d find a secret terrible case of dragon abuse under your story but it sounds like you’re just fine and maybe just in love.

Heigh ho. That’s the way it goes, I suppose. Ah well. I have plenty to do at the hospital. Thank you for having this little chat with me, Brent.

Oh no, it’s not so much a disappointment as a shattering of illusions and I must sound terrible being all disappointed to learn you’re not being abused. I’m actually genuinely happy for you. Genuinely. What a ninny. I mean – if I was disappointed it’s only because I had some grand idea of helping people who don’t actually need help. It’s a splash of cold water but I guess I just have to let it go.

Right. That is the question, isn’t it? Who DOES need our help now? Because, right, fundamentally the dragons solved domestic violence. They solved it. Just by eating or immolating the ones doing it. They didn’t reverse roles with domestic abusers, they scared the piss out of the domestic abusers and then went about their business.

Yes – I suppose scared domestic abusers could need some help but – I’m not sure they’re at the top of my list.

Well – I guess – a lot of kids have lost their shitty fathers and while that might actually be good – maybe some of them are orphans now. We could open up an orphanage, I guess. It feels very old fashioned but maybe it is all that’s left. I’d open a sexual assault crisis center but those numbers have gone WAY down. And I don’t want to be – uh – well, the dragons seem to be handling those cases quite aggressively and effectively and I would not want to get in their way.

Well, Brent, you have given me such a lot to think about. I thank you. 

*

Sound of a dragon roar. Sound of the phone

DYLAN

When they called me and asked me to do this, I could not believe it. I could NOT believe it. Brent! I can’t believe it.

And Ashley – wow. I am both scared and happy to meet you.

No, no, not just because you’re a dragon – though really, I never knowingly met a dragon before – but because you’re my buddy Brent’s girl and I don’t want to make a bad impression. And the fact that they’re filming all this? I don’t want to get the award for the most dumb-ass dragon meeting of the year, you know. 

Aw. You’re sweet. Brent Buddy – your girl is so sweet!

Is that okay to say? I’m sorry. I’m nervous. But they tell me they’ll edit everything so I can say all the dumbest stuff and they’ll make me sound like Mr Smooth. Or they’ll make sound like a fool. They didn’t say that. I just know it’s true. I mean, I’m okay either way, you know? It wouldn’t be the first time I looked like a fool and at least if it’s the editing, I can say, “Hey, those guys edited me to make me look like a fool!”

Ha, ha, yeah! Philosopher. That’s me. Oh, well. They told me that I should meet you, Ashley so I know who I’m selling out if I happen to start drinking the kool-aid over at the Scourge Center. They felt it would help me keep you in mind.

Yeah, yeah – or they thought this would make good TV, a spy meeting a dragon. Yeah, of course that’s good TV. Doy. Yeah – but I think they’re right about the other thing too, because you know, I don’t like to admit – but I am not the most stalwart of men.

I just mean, surrounded by a bunch of guys trying to convince me of something, I might be convinced. I wish I had a stronger will of my own but Ashley, I am very vulnerable to peer pressure, especially from others guys.

Well – I don’t know much but I do know my own weaknesses. You know, I’d go by the bar meaning to just have a soda or a coffee or something and I’d be stumbling home drunk.

I’ve smoked things I didn’t want to smoke and taken drugs I didn’t want to take. But those things only hurt me, they didn’t impact anyone else, really. So for this, I think those TV people are right. I’ll stay firm because I don’t want to hurt a nice sweet girl like you!

Golly. I’m blushing. Am I blushing?

I’m pretty lucky I met you, Brent. I have a lot of ideas.

Yeah, I guess I’m a bit ambitious. And even in my wildest dreams, I didn’t imagine getting on TV. And with such nice people. I regret everything I ever said about dragons before.

I didn’t know.

You know, I never met one. I was just scared. Like a lot of guys, I guess.

Yeah, it’s true. I am, still.  

Is it? The fear keeps me alive?  

You think so? A dragon might just want to keep me around? Because fear is good?  Tasty?

Okay with me. Eat up!  

Well – I guess I’m also scared to go meet up with a bunch of dudes who might do me harm if they find out I’m a spy.

You would?

If they harm one hair on my head? Brent, I think I’m in love with your girlfriend.

Yeah, yeah. We got each other’s backs. Right on.

Well – the main thing I’m worried about is that I got a big mouth – and I’m going to have to work pretty hard to keep all these secrets if they get me talking. But the law enforcement people said in these types of situations, it’s pretty rare that the leaders do much listening. That usually these type of guys tend to do 99% of the talking and when their followers talk it’s mostly a yes/no type of situation. So I think I’ll be okay – but Ashley, I want you to know that if I get going and I think I’m going to spill, I am going to think of you and shut up. 

I got a strategy, see! I’m getting some training. It’s going to be very interesting. The most interesting thing that’s happened to me before, I think.

Oh, yeah, yeah – they’re going to be listening and watching – there’s gonna be an invisible mic and a camera in my hat. And they’re trying out a little ear piece so they can talk me down if I get too wound up. It is super spy shit # and I am pumped. Are you sure you don’t want to do this, Brent? I feel bad taking your invite.

Oh, right, right. You’d be at too much risk. They’d know you. Might throw you in a closet or whatever. I got it. I got it.

Well – I guess none of those guys would suspect me. They got no reason. And I’m just the kind of chucklebrain to stumble in to a place like that.

Nah, nah. I know I am. It’s okay. Me being that kind of chucklebrain is what’s getting me this opportunity.

Yeah, yeah. Wish me luck, guys. And don’t forget to rescue me if they throw me in the basement.

(Dragoning theme credit music begins. Strings. Bells. It’s a little creepy but also fun. Like mischievous creatures sneaking around after midnight.)

EMILY:

The Dragoning is created by Messenger Theatre Company and written by Emily Rainbow Davis

The Dragoning Theme was composed by Scott Ethier

Sound design by Matt Powell

Show art by Shannon Harvey

Produced by Kayshana Johnson

This episode featured Jonathan Horne as Zeke, Sally Beaumont as Dr. Andrea Hester and Jeff LaGreca as Dylan.

Messenger Theatre Company is a not-for-profit organization and we are entirely reliant on your support.

Thank you in advance for making our next project possible.

Stay safe out there everyone. And watch out for dragons.

(Music resolves.)

Season Three - Episode Five - Dragon Burlesque - (Delia, Sgt Ana Rengel, Harrison and Dylan)

Messenger Theatre Company presents Season Three of The Dragoning

Episode Five: Dragon Burlesque 

(The first few notes of the piano sound nice and theatre-y but then they start to deconstruct, a bit like a music box going awry. Strings come in. Men droning. Are they monks?)

EMILY:

Messenger Theatre Company presents

Season Three of The Dragoning

(lots of voices saying The Dragoning. The beat drops. There are some distorted strings or cries in rhythm.)

EMILY:

Episode Five – Dragon Burlesque

Delia, Sgt Ana Rengel, Harrison, Dylan

(The music sputters out.)

*

(sound of dragon roar. Sound of an audience applauding, backstage door closing.)

DELIA

Thank you so both so much for coming. I can’t tell you how much it meant to look out and see your friendly faces in the audience.

Oh, thank you so much. That’s so kind of you to say.

Well – to tell you the truth, it’s been kind of a weird run. We’re doing something so unlike anything anyone has ever done before. And I know everyone says that but I think it may be true for us.

I mean, to dragon on cue is unprecedented.

Really, Ashley? You, too?

I mean, you know, most of the training goes the other way, learning how to NOT dragon out when we don’t want to.
Right! They’re related. One helps the other.
I mean, a lot of people are giving us guff for doing it for entertainment purposes. But we’re entertainers, what do people expect us to do? Not use our unique abilities?

I mean, if we can make this work, we could take it around the world. We’ve already had some offers. I mean, almost everybody wants us to do it behind dragon proof glass – but hey, if they’re paying, I’m dancing behind glass, no problem.

Well, yeah, the main problem is that the audience for burlesque tends to skew male. It’s a mix, of course – but it can tend to include a handful of dragon triggering dudes. We’ve had to try and protect for it – because none of us want to have our acts ruined by a premature dragon transition. It’s a great way to ruin our costumes, our make-up, or to cause expensive damage to the stage and the lighting.

we’ve hired some women who aren’t dragons to sit at the entrance in sexy skimpy outfits and if they catch even a whiff of bad behavior, they’ll flag those guys and our bouncer will send them to the “VIP” lounge where they won’t see a show but they also won’t ruin a show or put everybody at risk.

It takes a lot of organization to put on a dragon burlesque show, let me tell you.

Well, thank you. We think it’s worth it too.

That’s wild you would say that because we’ve definitely had some scientists in here, talking about how evolution might roll through the arts first. That we are the innovators, making new forms.

I mean, I’m certainly flattered by it. It feels good! And you know, I like the idea of maybe having my name or picture or both in the performance history books. That would be just about the coolest.

Oh, and we have a whole fleet of photographers in here every night. They’re all chasing the (so far) elusive shot of one of us IN transition. They all just manage to miss it every time. I’m guessing it’s some primordial fear response that prevents them from seeing us in that in between state. But we’re, like, on a quest, too – to be seen as women and dragon at once.

I mean, the advantage of burlesque is that when we transition we’ve already removed our clothes so we don’t ruin our costumes when we change. It’s very practical. If we’d tried this dressed, we’d need an enormous costume budget, what with all the strain we’d put those clothes through.

There’s a real advantage to getting naked and then getting dragony.

You know – that’s definitely something I’ve noticed, Ashley – by having a scheduled dragoning for myself, I don’t tend to dragon out so much out in the world. I seem to have more patience with douchebags out there.

I guess it’s the release? Like, just feeling free in dragon state once a day, every day on stage means I don’t have the rage stored up when someone pulls some bullshit behavior. I just don’t have the energy to eat them. And they’re certainly not worth setting them on fire. It’s like – I don’t know, I feel full so I don’t have to eat. Sorry Brent, is this TMI?

I don’t know if it’s being surrounded by so many other dragons – and dragons who are all performers no less but I just have less and less of a filter these days. You should hear us in the dressing room. Oh my goodness. Well, actually, no one should hear us in the dressing room. I’m not sure anyone would hire us again if they did. But you know what I mean – just, we’re freer than ever. 

Yeah. It’s nice! And sometimes I wonder if this was what it felt like to be a man.

Like, just never really worrying about what you say – just saying whatever’s on your mind.

Sorry, Brent. Is that rude? I don’t feel like I know the line anymore.

Well – I’m glad you’re not offended. I know a lot of men are. It’s just so wild because I used to care about that and I just don’t anymore. Like, if you’d said you WERE offended, Brent, I’d apologize or whatever but I wouldn’t be too worried about it. It’s such a strange sensation.

I guess this is what it’s like to have power.

Oh, I love it.

I mean, as a dancer, Ashley, I imagine you felt this, too, we’re used to being told what to do. We’re used to being the expression of someone else’s power. We are the instruments in the orchestra, not the conductor and not even the players – just the instruments. And now I’m both instrument and conductor. 

It’s amazing.

No, at first it made me uncomfortable. It’s true. Having people be afraid of me made me feel so weird. Like – hey, I’m a sweetheart! But now I love it. I love that people double check with me about stuff. They want to make sure I’m comfortable or whatever. It is a dream. A dream I didn’t even know that I had. 

No, Ashley – you’re welcome to join us any time you want! You’d be such a box office draw, I’m sure you wouldn’t even have to take your clothes off, you could just come and dance in whatever you want. Sweatpants, if you like!

Well, our door is always open to you. Just know that.

You guys are welcome back anytime Any any time. Thank you so much for coming you two. Really. Come back!

*

Sound of a dragon roar. Sound of the police station

Sergeant Ana Rengel

Thanks for getting in touch, Brent. You are like a magnet for these types, huh? They are irresistibly drawn to you like a moth to a freaking flame.

Can’t say I’ve heard of anyone calling it the scourge before. Probably they’re using it to weed out the dragon sympathizers. I’m surprised they tried it on you – you are an obvious sympathizer.

Ah right – but also a big prize if they convert you. Right, right.

Well, Brent. I find myself a little bit stumped. Should we send you in to do some recon with two guys who’ve named themselves after the most horrific bombs in history or do we keep you as far away from these yahoos as we can get you. 

Because the thing of it is – I don’t trust those guys not to kidnap you and hold you for ransom.

I’m sorry to be so blunt but it just seems the most likely outcome with guys like that. They may think they can “convert” you but they’re much more likely to want to use you in whatever way they can.

I mean, I didn’t do time in the terrorism trenches for nothing. I recognize tactics when I see them. These are some dangerous red pill yahoos if you ask me.  

I’ve talked myself out of it, Brent. We absolutely cannot send you in there. I got a feeling in my gut. They’re going to ask you some question that is a give away and when you answer like a normal human person, they’re going to grab you and stash you in a basement. Then they’re going to ask Ashley to come get you which she will be smart enough not to do, as there’s no reason to have both of you locked up in their basement and then they’re going to ask us to exchange all the doxing asshole yahoos we have in custody for you. And maybe we’d do it, maybe we wouldn’t, I don’t know. But frankly I don’t want to risk it.

I mean, no, of course, we wouldn’t send you in there without being super wired up. But why? To learn more about these slack jawed murderous yokels? We know what they’re about. We may not know their current slang but I feel like we’ve got a handle on them. Could it be helpful to learn what they might be planning? Absolutely. What might they be planning?

Their last horrible idea was to hire a dragonslayer. And it’s only due to a fairly complicated operation that we averted it. Are these the same guys? I don’t think so. We collected most of that last batch. But somehow or another they are finding each other. And they are surely dangerous. Are they on the threshold of an action? I have to hope no. I think we have to keep an eye on them somehow but as much as I hate to admit it, I think you might be too valuable to us to risk.

Now don’t get a big head about it. I’m not blowing smoke. You’re a right place right time asset. And we can’t afford to lose you. But how are we going to keep tabs on these chuckleheads without sending you in? I think we’re going to have to start recruiting more men to the Friends of the Dragons. That is not going to be the job for me, let me tell you. I mean I can vet them but recruit? Hey you’re a man. Do you know some men that we could bring in? Ones who aren’t dragon hating psychos?

How do you feel about maybe being a sort of liaison for this undercover work?

I mean, it’s not a job. This organization is largely unfunded. You’re going to have to kick off that TV career if you’re looking for dollars.

Say what?

Oh, yeah, I suppose filming might be possible. You’d have to get the TV guys to not reveal any of the footage until after but – but….I don’t see any problem in exposing these bozos on two fronts.

I mean – the TV people can pay for stuff we couldn’t. That’s useful. And exposing a bunch of chuckleheads while ALSO showing that not all men in Dragon City are chuckleheads.

Seems like a pretty decent idea. How are chuckleheads supposed to learn to not be chuckleheads if they never see anything but chuckleheads?

They want dragons on TV? Really? That seems risky.

Right – so this could be dragon themed without the risk. I get it.
Well – I’m not saying no. I want to keep my dragons safe and I will do a lot to keep these kinds of chuckleheads from doing any damage.  

Yeah, yeah. Talk to the TV people. Start thinking about who you could send in – if you know someone. Yeah.

Yeah – and thanks, Brent. I’m glad you came to me with this crazy stuff. I can’t say I don’t experience a little cognitive dissonance around it but I’m glad you’re on our team.

*

Sound of a dragon roar. Sound of the TV studio conference room 

Harrison

Wait, wait, let me understand what you’re saying to me. You’re saying there’s an operation to expose a den of dragon haters – a secret spy operation that you’re a part of and you are proposing we film it as a reality show.
Brent. You’re a genius.

No, no, of course. We can keep something under wraps.

But why would this secret dragon protectorate be willing to have us involved?

Oh sure. I understand money.
Do we have the players in place already?  

Brent, you got us all set up. We’ll get you your travel show yet. I love it.

Now – what’s your involvement?

Yeah, yeah. We cut to you in meetings with the mole or whatever.
And will we see dragons?

Oh, you’re such a tease. Will we or won’t we? Dragons always on the horizon. Well, I’m not worried about it. We can always just shoehorn some Dragon B roll if we need to. This is what we have writers and editors for.
I love it. I really do. Send me your agent – what’s her name again?

Oh, Amanda. Yeah. Me and Amanda will get together and pitch it upstairs. 

No, baby, you’re the talent. We don’t need you for that.
Brent – I am getting the feeling.

Oh, when I can see a show becoming a hit and all the magazines are putting our show on the cover cause people can’t stop talking about it. It’s chills, baby. Chills. 

Who’s going in? It’s not you, I know.

And is this idea you have nice to look at?
Maybe we should send in an actor? Or a model – give the girls someone to swoon over.

Yeah, I’d be suspicious of him too, come to think of it.

You never worked in TV before, Brent?

You’ve got a face for it. The camera loves you, the girls love you and the men want to be your friend. I am seeing beautiful things. And I’m starting to understand why you want to do a travel show. I’m seeing the appeal.

What is that? Peace on earth or some shit? People will go crazy for it.

What’s the hot spot everyone’s into now?

It was Reykjavik for a hot minute a few years ago. Remember that?

Oh you did?

Oh sure – a lot of parties I’d imagine.

Oh Brent, you are thinking big and I love it. Yes! We decide what the list spot should be and then you go there, “discover” it and then the story becomes how the Dragon boy revitalized the economy of Myanmar or whatever. 

What? I travel. I mean. Not to Myanmar. But, you know, places my travel agent suggests.

I’m thinking we take bids from countries that need a boost. Anyway – that’s the next one. We got to focus on this spy drama first – save the day for dozens of innocent women who happen to be dragons.

It’s not like lifestyles of the Rich and Dragon – it’s not dragon sitcoms or anything, it’s a classic turnaround because the dragons could be the victims here and you’re gonna save them from the incels. Upside down, inside out. TV gold. Also – there’s suspense. I am all in.

Yeah, yeah. Get Amanda in here and we’ll sort out all the players with her. What do we got? The mole. And the sergeant. And of course we can’t get the incels in at the jump. We can’t give the game away.

Oh, I wouldn’t worry about that. People like them always agree to let us air them.

 they never even consider that they might look like fools. They’ll get mad at us once it airs – but before? Guys like that almost never say no.

I am very excited about this Brent. Very excited.

Let me let you go so you can set things up with your agent. You’ll hear from my assistant very soon.

Sound of a dragon roar. Sound of phone dialing

DYLAN

I can’t believe you called, man. I cannot believe it. I don’t even remember giving you my number.  

Oh, wow. That’s like spy shit. Very cool.
Really? This is about actual spy shit? Brent. You are making my dreams come true. Should I go in the bus to talk about it or something? Turn the radio on in case someone’s listening. Oh man, this is really something.

Wait – you’re recording? This? Now? Hello Cleveland! Love me tender, love me true.

Sorry. Sorry. I’m a big ham. My sister used to say if you put me between two slices of bread and threw on some cheese, I’d be a ham and cheese sandwich. Okay. Okay. Seriously, though. What is this spy business we’re talking about? I’m up for it whatever it is.

I guess you know me pretty well, my friend. Lay it on me.

Okay.

Interesting.

Oh boy.
They shouldn’t go after dragons like that. They may be scary and everything but everybody’s got a right to live, I say.

Okay.
Sure.

I see. They want to keep tabs on what those guys are doing.

Makes sense to me.

Oh right. So I go in and pretend I’m like them.

Right. Okay. I tell them you told me about it and I got the info off you. But you don’t know I’m coming.

Why do we not want them to know you know I’m coming?

Ohhhh. Right. They already think you’re a traitor so I gotta distance myself from you so they don’t think I’m on your side. I got it. I got it. 

So what do I gotta do?

Okay. Just show up? I can do that. Okay. Right. And then tell the Friends of the Dragons what kind of stuff happens. Sounds easy enough.

Is it dangerous, though?

I can handle it. I can handle it. A little danger is good for me. Let’s me know I’m alive!

I can keep a secret, Brent, no problem. And I’ll tell you something – I know it seems like I can’t shut up but I know when to keep my trap shut. You took the Dragon tour right? Did you hear me pipe up even once?

No. That’s the time to lock it up and drive. And for spy shit, that’s a lock it up and drive situation. I mean, you should hear some of the stuff people say on that bus! And I don’t say NOTHIN. I know what’s good for me.

Do I think, what? That I can play along with the dragon haters? What do you think? Of course I can. I mean I used to hang out over at Colm’s. Of course I can.

Listen. I don’t want to be weird and over enthusiastic or anything but I sort of feel like I’ve been waiting my whole life for a gig like this. You know when something just feels like fate? I mean – I’m sure it’s not cool to be too excited to go in and do some spy shit. If it doesn’t happen, I understand – but it does feel like, you know.

I won’t let you down. 

(Dragoning theme credit music begins. Strings. Bells. It’s a little creepy but also fun. Like mischievous creatures sneaking around after midnight.)

EMILY:

The Dragoning is created by Messenger Theatre Company and written by Emily Rainbow Davis 

The Dragoning Theme was composed by Scott Ethier

Sound design by Matt Powell

Show art by Shannon Harvey

Produced by Kayshana Johnson

This episode featured Jacki Jing as Delia, Vickie Tanner as Sergeant Ana Rengel, Aaron Sinn as Harrison and Jeff LaGreca as Dylan.

Messenger Theatre Company is a not-for-profit organization and we are entirely reliant on your support.

Thank you in advance for making our next project possible.

Stay safe out there everyone. And watch out for dragons.

(Music resolves.)

Season Three - Episode Four - The Scourge (Sgt Ana Rengel, Amanda and Justin)

Messenger Theatre Company presents Season Three of The Dragoning

Episode Four: The Scourge 

(The first few notes of the piano sound nice and theatre-y but then they start to deconstruct, a bit like a music box going awry. Strings come in. Men droning. Are they monks?)

EMILY:

Messenger Theatre Company presents

Season Three of The Dragoning

(lots of voices saying The Dragoning. The beat drops. There are some distorted strings or cries in rhythm.)

EMILY:

Episode Four. The Scourge

Sgt Ana Rengel, Amanda and Justin

(The music sputters out.)

*

(sound of dragon roar. Sound of a conference room door closing.)

Sergeant Ana Rengel

Well, well. Didn’t think we’d see you around these parts again. You have got some ovaries, Brent! Some real powerful ovaries.
Well, you know, Brent. From my early days on the force, the guys were always telling me what big balls I had and for a long time I took that as a compliment but then I didn’t. And I just made it my habit to compliment any act of bravery with strong ovaries. Most of the fellas at the station don’t like it much, I’ll tell you that – but since The Dragoning kicked off they’re a lot less inclined to tell me so.

I know it drives them crazy but I have to confess I enjoy every minute of their discomfort. When I think of all the years I pretended to laugh at all those guys’ sexist jokes? Well – it is going to be a LONG time before we’re even.

Are you two keeping your eyes open? You’re both pretty visible now. I wouldn’t want some anti-dragon nut to come after you.

I might send someone from the Friends of the Dragon to check in on you two. We can’t have the public face of dragons and their loved ones go missing on our watch.

Oh Kala? We sent her back to Montana. I think she’s rehabilitated. I hope it sticks. But if it doesn’t – at least she’ll be in Montana – far away from any known dragons.

No, I’m sure there are dragons in Montana too – but they’re not out yet. And there’s safety in that, as you know.  

And the guys who hired her? Well – they did some rehab workshops and about half of them made it out alive. So I assume they won’t be any trouble to us at the moment.

I’ve got to say – you surprised me, Brent. I don’t expect much from men and you really came through. And continue to. 

Please don’t disappoint me. That is my one request.

Well - I generally expect for men to disappoint me. So far you haven’t and I don’t want you to start now.

You tell me. What kind of bad behavior are you likely to indulge in? And don’t tell me none. I know you’re not a saint, Brent.

No. You’re right. You shouldn’t tell me. You have no reason to trust me with your flaws any more than I have to trust you with mine. But I am trusting you with protecting the safety of one of my dragons – so let’s call that some personal growth on my side.

As much as I hate to admit it, it does seem to make some sense to have some men in the movement. Or maybe it’s just you. You got any guys joining you in these dragon trenches?

I appreciate that you’re careful about that Brent, I really do.

I suppose I might have cause to ask for your help in the future. Would you be willing to help out some dragons that aren’t your girlfriend?

Sure, sure. Of course you’re busy. Of course. Doing what exactly?

Oh television. Yes. Yes. Very important stuff, of course.

You caught me. I don’t take television very seriously.

Well – I’ve never seen anyone like me on it, for one thing. Doesn’t seem like it has much to do with the real world.

Don’t be ridiculous. No one would put me on TV.

What kind of show?

Who are the buddies? You and me? Come on. I don’t even like you.

I guess, yeah, there is some built in drama there, huh?

No, I’m not considering it. Don’t be ridiculous.
Anyway. I’ll have someone come check in on you two. And if anything comes up, let me know. I don’t like how out front you two are. It attracts the misogynists and the crazies and activates the really screwy combinations of the two.

Just keep your eyes open, okay? Especially the ones in the back of your head.

No, Brent, I do not think you literally have eyes in the back of your head. I just mean you should watch your back. And watch it good. You got me?

Good.

We’re here for you if you need us. Anything looks fishy, you call me.

*

Sound of a dragon roar. Sound of the Hotel Davina bar

AMANDA

Can you believe it? Back together again, gang!

Oh, that flight is a monster, certainly. An absolute beast -  but you two are worth it. Plus, I get to see Dragon City!

Oh, believe me. Everyone kept telling me I was crazy to come here but I told them there’s probably no safer space for women in all the world than Dragon City. I mean, I know no one looks at numbers anymore – but the murder rates here for women are in the basement. It could not go much lower. There’s virtually no domestic violence. The likelihood of being sexually assaulted here is astonishingly low. It’s literally the safest I have ever been.

No, back home everyone’s still in denial – so while things are certainly riskier for men there now, they haven’t yet hit the tipping point in being safe for women. I do think it’s good you two are here and not there.

Well, you’re just a flashpoint for a lot of people.

But you still have so many fans! Don’t think that just because we have a wide assortment of dickheads that you don’t still have a massive fan base back home.

And let me tell you, we are all very happy to have gotten out ahead of the merchandising because while there are a lot of copycats out there, we are selling the tote bags, the mugs, the t-shirts like crazy. Oh and the badges.

And speaking of badges, I’ve taken on Alice as a client also. They’ve got her locked up for burning down a government building but I’ve hooked her up with our badge maker and they’re these government ids with her face on them. They are very popular. Not as popular as you two of course – but doing very well.

So let’s talk projects, shall we? Are all your dreams coming true yet?

Oh boy. Insurance. Right. Well – here’s the thing. We are in a brand new world and the insurance companies think we live in 1965. Dragons are very risky to them but here in Dragon City, they’re also very common.

It is a very sticky insurance problem for them.

What I understand is that a lot of the insurance companies are over a hundred years old and they have their way of doing things that they are not keen on switching around. Also – it’s a highly regulated business so they can’t move as quickly as would be useful in this situation. Are dragons a risk? Yes. Are they also potential clients? Yes. To them it’s like selling a policy to a bunch of water for flood insurance. Which I suppose they might be happy to do under the right circumstances. As long as it makes them money. But it is funny to me that all those media companies are talking to you about insurance. I guess they want to pass the risk down to their talent? It is very weird. And I’m sorry.

Well, an all woman crew is a very good idea and they ought to be ashamed they haven’t thought of it themselves. I’ll bring it up when I meet with them. That’s what you have me for to help stop them talking to you about boring things like insurance.

Here to save the day of course! And get a little business trip to Dragon City.

I did come here once when I was a kid – before it was Dragon City, of course. 

Yeah it was a family holiday.

It’s changed a lot! I mean, not that I’ve seen much yet. It’s airport, car, hotel and this bar – so…you know – I’m not basing that sense on much experience. Just the feeling.

Well – I guess it’s a city that has been turned upside down and there’s a layer that feels like a war-torn country, like, a lot of people have died! But it’s also – sort of triumphant? And there are a lot more men walking around than I expected.

I guess it’s that the city I saw when I was a kid was a little bit cocky and this one has a layer of caution over it. Everyone’s extra polite now – and back then – I remember getting bumped into by a man rushing down the street and he didn’t even pause or acknowledge me. This time, a man ALMOST ran into me at the airport and he apologized his face off.

These are very strange times.

And how does the city seem to you two after your time away? Does it seem different? 

Oh true – when you change, the world does seem to change around you, doesn’t it? Also, the last time you two were here, no one knew who you were and now you are famous.

I genuinely think you are – both here and back home and beyond. Are you not feeling it?

Like, are people not recognizing you?

Yeah, yeah, I figured. Well anytime you need to funnel those people away from you, just send them to me. You can give them my number and I will deal with them for you. That’s what you give me a percentage for – not just to say yes for you but mostly to say no. And you just let me know if you’re sending me someone you actually want to do something with, okay? Otherwise, I’ll assume it’s all slush and just knock it down for you.  I will be the bad guy that will not let you do that game show or whatever. The main advantage I have is that I am not walking around with either of your faces so I can say no on your behalf a lot easier than you can.

Yeah – the thing is, now you’re famous, it will be harder to say no directly. We need to be careful of your public image – because what we do not need a bunch of people going around saying they met you and you were mean to them or something.  Listen, I know you – and I know the chance of you being mean are very slim. But some people experience any kind of No as mean-ness. Which is why you’re going to give them my card instead. I’m very happy to be that bitch of a manager you have. Or - even better, my assistant, who is actually a real sweetheart. But if they go away thinking our office is full of assholes, no problem. Okay?

I am here to look out for you, not just to take in the sights of Dragon City. Though of course I want to take in the sights of Dragon City if I get a minute.

Right, speaking of the sights of Dragon City, what do you say we move this meeting to a place that will feed us? Sound good to you two?

I heard there’s a new high end dragon themed restaurant nearby. Lots of flame grilling and such.

That’s not in bad taste, is it?

Is it?

Well, if you want to go, it’s on me. My office gives me a per diem for just these sorts of things.

We can go and make fun of it or go somewhere else entirely. Sky’s the limit, guys! We’re young and free and famous in Dragon City!

Oh, this? Already charged to my room, Babes. Let’s go set this town on fire!

Not literally, Dragon Girl. But maybe literally! Let’s go!

*

Sound of a dragon roar. Sound of a Men’s Room

JUSTIN

Hey, hey.

I know you.

Yeah, yeah – I know you.

No, wait. Wait.

I got it. You’re that dragon’s boyfriend.

You ARE guilty as charged. Very guilty as far as I’m concerned, fraternizing with the enemy. You back here to set our city on fire, Dragon Boy? You better watch your back because we aren’t going to let you.

No, no, wait man. You can’t talk to men now? You some kind of dragon deputy? I’ve got questions for you!

I’ve got a dinner to get back to, too, guy – but I just need to know what you think you’re doing dating a dragon.

It’s a set-up, right? You’re undercover, infiltrating the girls? Is that what you’re doing?

I’m just trying to understand, you know? When I get back to my buddies, they’re going to want to know what we’re doing to stop the scourge and I just have to ask you.

Yeah – the scourge. What do you call it? The Dragoning.

Of course you do. You would. Sure most people do. Not us, though. Not the ones without scales in our eyes. And yes I am talking about dragon scales and no we don’t think that’s funny. And we don’t call this place Dragon City either.

No, we’re not going back to the old name. No. We call it the City of the Scourge.

I don’t deny that it is a mouthful but it is accurate. This city has been decimated by the dragons and we decided to name our city after them? No. They are a scourge and this city is where that scourge does the scourging.

We came to do some re-con. We figure we can stop these kinds of places before they really get going. Making dragons a theme? They’re dangerous man-eating beasts! I’ve lost a lot of friends to them!

And if I had any questions about what kind of places these kind of places are, they are answered because here you are. And I bet you’re here with your dragon.

But I’m willing to give you the benefit of the doubt. You seem like a good guy. I think you might want to join us.

Well, to change this land of the scourge of course!

What haven’t those dragons done to me?! They’ve eaten my friends. They keep me from going out at night. They’ve upended this whole world. It’s like – a whole upside-down misery. They’ve unmanned me. Do you know I just walk around afraid all the time? It’s so humiliating!

How do you mean?

Oh sure – the fear keeps me alive. But what kind of life is this that I have to get a woman to escort me places after dark? It’s mortifying. Aren’t you mortified?

No? Really? How can you not be?

Curious? You just get curious? Man. You are one weird dude.

Well, I don’t know if I do want to say more about cleansing the land of the scourge. I don’t think I’m explaining it right as you don’t seem to understand.

The guys down at the club, though. Man, you should hear them. They make everything so clear. I walk in all muddled up, so confused – like a cup full of dirty pond water, all mixed up and thinking maybe dragons aren’t so bad – but then I go down to the club and the guys there straighten me right out. I leave there with a brain like a crystal clear cup of water, purified and filtered.

You should come down. They’d straighten you right out.

Oh, we don’t use our real names in there. For example, I’m Justin but at the Club they call me Axe. “Hey, Axe!” they call out to me when I get there and I say “What’s up what’s up?”’

Oh yeah. They call themselves “Fat man” and “Little Boy” and don’t think Little Boy is a boy either. He is a big guy and a little bit scary.

But he’s great. I don’t mean scary in a scary way. Just, like, not what I think of as a little boy.

Oh, that’s true, isn’t it? Guys named Tiny are always massive. Well – Little Boy follows that trend. And I guess they’re going for irony because Fat Man is not fat. He’s a very skinny guy. Like a stick. We usually just call him FM. Because it’s weird to call someone Fat Man to his face.

Anyway – they’re the best at explaining things. So you should come to the club and have them explain it all to you.
Well – I’ll give you a card and you can come any Tuesday night.  That’s when we get new guys. But listen. And this is very serious. You can not bring your girlfriend. I mean – no one can bring their girlfriend but you especially cannot bring yours. You got it?   I mean – yeah, I’ll get some cred for bringing you in but it will all be for nothing if your girlfriend comes and eats everybody. You promise not to bring her?

Okay good.

Yeah, yeah. Enjoy your dinner. I’ll be seeing you.

(Dragoning theme credit music begins. Strings. Bells. It’s a little creepy but also fun. Like mischievous creatures sneaking around after midnight.)

EMILY:

The Dragoning is created by Messenger Theatre Company and written by Emily Rainbow Davis

The Dragoning Theme was composed by Scott Ethier

Sound design by Matt Powell

Show art by Shannon Harvey

Produced by Kayshana Johnson

This episode featured Vickie Tanner as Sergeant Ana Rengel, Rhiannon Moushall as Amanda and Andrew Winson as Justin.

Messenger Theatre Company is a not-for-profit organization and we are entirely reliant on your support.

Thank you in advance for making our next project possible.

Stay safe out there everyone. And watch out for dragons.

(Music resolves.)

Season Three - Episode Three - Dragonccino

Messenger Theatre Company presents Season Three of The Dragoning

Episode Three: Dragonccino 

(The first few notes of the piano sound nice and theatre-y but then they start to deconstruct, a bit like a music box going awry. Strings come in. Men droning. Are they monks?)

EMILY:

Messenger Theatre Company presents

Season Three of The Dragoning

(lots of voices saying The Dragoning. The beat drops. There are some distorted strings or cries in rhythm.)

EMILY:

Episode Three. Dragonccino

Harrison, Zeke, Misty and Ashley

(The music sputters out.)

*

(sound of dragon roar. Sound of a conference room door closing.)

HARRISON

Brent! Brent. Come on in, buddy.

Welcome to the Talon TV offices! Thank you for coming in. We really appreciate it. What can we get you to drink? Coffee? Cappuccino? Perrier? Champagne? A cocktail? We’ve got a full bar in the lounge upstairs.

Great. (He pushes a button on the intercom.)

Sophie, can you have Jaden bring in a Perrier please? Thank you, sweetheart.

My assistant. She’s the one who clued us in to your story. It’s good to have young people around to keep our fingers on the pulse. And you, Brent, are the pulse!

Thank you, Jaden.

We’re pretty sure Sophie’s not a dragon but we have Jaden do the face to faces just in case.

So, Brent. Amanda tells us you’re willing to help us with this Dragon Stories show we’re developing.  

Sure, sure, with Ashley, of course. Remote, of course. Can’t take any risks.

I’m sure Amanda will work out the details with our staffing specialist. But what I wanted to talk with you about is…You. Let’s talk about you. You are the man of the moment. Not just here in Dragon City but all over the world, I’m given to understand. So what I want to know is: What can we do for you? 

That other show was in the works before we knew about you – maybe it’ll go, maybe it won’t. But I’m thinking – why can’t we make the show you want to make, Brent? Can we do a reality love story?

No, no, you’re right. They are rating bonanzas but they do tend to break people up. I could understand that that might not interest you. Granted. Granted. I get that. Ever wanted to start a business? People like to watch people chase their dreams.  

Really? A travel show. Wow. Yeah I can see that. What’s the dragon angle, though?

Well – people know you as the dragon boyfriend. What happens if you go to Bali and there are no dragons?

I don’t KNOW there are no dragons in Bali, you’re right – but so far there’s only two cities in the whole world that have them so it seems pretty unlikely they’d have ‘em there.

I mean, unless you kick off another dragoning there and then think of ratings! 

But I don’t think you can kick off a dragoning everywhere you go. I don’t think we can count on it. I mean, if you did, you would be quite a trigger, wouldn’t you? Can you imagine?

I mean, I like the travel show idea, Brent. I really do. I just think our viewers are going to want you showing up and turning their worlds upside down with dragons.

Face it, Brent, you are highly visible now. You’re a hot topic. You’re trending. We have to capitalize on that. Strike while the iron is hot. Opportunities like this don’t come along every day. Let me tell you. Believe me, I know.

No, no, listen. I’m not saying no to your travel show. You’re a personable guy, I’d watch you meet the locals anywhere – but maybe we keep that idea in our back pockets. Maybe we save it for the next round. Because the iron is hot for dragons right now and we gotta get ourselves a dragon show and you’re the man for it.

Tell you what. We make a deal. We’ll give you a travel show. It’s a part of a package. We’ll do it after whatever dragon content you can generate for us.

You got ideas, I want to hear them and just to maybe save you some trouble, I’ll put some writers on it, too. They can try and cook up some ideas that they can pitch you for our next meeting. We only want to do what YOU want to do. 

Well, yes, as long as dragons are involved. The golden equation is YOU plus DRAGONS or Dragon – if you want it to just be your girlfriend. I don’t care what you do with dragons. I just want to see you with at least one? Maybe several. I don’t know. I just know what sells and right now that is dragon. And you! You and Dragons.

No, no, listen. We want to do YOUR show. So you go away – have a little think about it. Our writers will go away and have a little think about it. You’ll meet back here, settle on the best one and then I’ll sign off on it. Easy as getting out of bed.  Hey – how about In Bed with Dragons.

No, no, you’re right. Too racy for the 8 o’clock slot. Alright, Brent – I think we’ve filled up your brain enough for the moment. Go out there and find your best dragon show.

*

Sound of a dragon roar. Sound of a café door opening

ZEKE

Welcome to Dragon City Coffee. What can I get started for you?

Yeah – well spotted – we just opened about a week ago. The owners thought the city could use a dragon themed café.

Honestly, I think they had a shop in the works with just a regular coffee sort of pun name –

Oh you know – Espresso Yo Self or Bean Needin’ a Cup or something. But they figured they might get some extra business with dragons on the cups. Get some Instagram posts, some Tweets, you know. Maybe get some influencers or tourists in here taking pics with the dragon wall.

Oh, it’s right over there.

Crazy, right?

Well most people stand in the fire to make it look like they’re getting flamed – but the occasional person will stand in front of the dragon and laugh and point at the fire. I’m a little scared of those people truth be told.

I guess it’s your first time in here, huh?

Oh, well a lot of people like the dragonccino.

It’s just, like, a regular cappuccino with some sugar on top except I turn the torch on it for a second to make it a little burnt up, a little brulee, as it were.

I’ll get it started for you, then.

Oh wait – you’re that guy. That dragon guy. This dragonccino is on the house, boss.

Oh man, the owners are going to be so mad they missed you. So mad. They are not going to believe me. They are just not…oh, could I take your picture? They’d have to believe me then.

Oh, I won’t blast it. No worries. I’m sure it would give us a boost but –

Oh, sure. Doxxing. Right. Privacy. Well, I promise you I wouldn’t post it. If I did, you have my permission to bring your girlfriend in here to roast me. I mean, bring her in to try our dark roast. Or maybe she’d like a dragonccino. Should I make her one now? On the house, of course.

Ok. Yeah. Sorry for talking your ear off.

Don’t feel like you have to go just because of me. If you want to hang out here, I promise I won’t bug you.

Sure. No. Of course. Oh, before you sit down  – how do you like the dragonccino? 

I know, right? I keep telling the owners we should do a crème brulee – since we already have the torches. 

They’re working on it, they say. I don’t know. Anyway – thanks for stopping in, boss. It’s so great to meet you.

Oh, I’m Zeke. Yeah. 

Ok, Brent. Thanks boss.

Enjoy that dragonccino.

* 

Sound of a dragon roar. Sound of a café door opening 

MISTY

I’m so sorry to bother you. I can see you’re just trying to have a peaceful afternoon coffee but I just have to ask you…do you knit?

Yes, I’m just wondering if you have any skill in the needle arts.

Well, everyone’s a beginner at some point, right? 

Well, I ask because I just wanted to confirm that you’re the Brent who taught some fellas to knit at a dragon conference not so long ago.

I’m shocked.

No, no. I understand that you’re very much more famous for your girlfriend but your service to the dragons over there is much more interesting to me.

We’re forming a little knitting society over here and we’d love to learn about your experience with the group there. Can we invite you to a knitting circle?

You haven’t given up knitting have you? That would be very disappointing.
I guess I don’t mind telling you that we’re a rather different knitting society. We are openly a dragon support group and we don’t drug our dragons.

No, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to disparage your dragon friends over there. I understand they were doing what they thought they had to do with those smoothies – but we don’t drink them here – mostly because we don’t actually know what the secret ingredient is that makes them special. It’s very easy to be righteous about them when we don’t even know how they do it. Do you know how they do it?

Pity. Well – we try to keep a lid on our dragons with whatever we can manage.

Well, I guess – your fear is a pretty good preventative. I’d hope we could keep you safe at a meeting just with that.

Sure, I can see that it might be a big risk for you. I can’t ask you to risk your life just to knit with a bunch of dragons.

Oh, that’d be amazing. Yes, talk with Ashley about it. See what she says. We’d love to have her, too. Does she knit?

Oh, pity. Well – here’s my card.

Yeah, Dragon City Knitting Circle. Not so original but it gets the point across.
We meet on Wednesdays at the Public Library on 7th St. Just in case you want to pop by.

You don’t, like, have to RSVP or whatever. You can just come. We don’t have a barrier or anything. I mean the head librarian can get pretty tough if she needs to but – you know, we are a conference room full of dragons with knitting needles, we don’t need much protecting.

No, no, we’re not crazy. That’s why we’re the “Dragon City Knitting Circle” and not the Dragon City Society of Dragons.

Oh we have! And you don’t have to be a dragon to knit with us. We’ve had several very cute old ladies who were a bit surprised we were more than a knitting circle. To their credit, though, they’ve stuck around and they are very supportive. 

Both! They’re incredible mentors when it comes to yarn and they give very good advice. They’re always saying, “I wish there’d been a dragon or two around back when I was working.”

There was one – she really just wanted to talk only about knitting. But the thing of it is, even if we didn’t have dragon things to discuss, no knitting circle is ever JUST about knitting. Wouldn’t you agree?

Oh good point. Well, trust me, most knitting circles talk about everything. And usually they roll around to sex, in my experience. Or maybe it’s me that sends them that way. Who can say?

Oh, there I go again. Misty on her talking tear. Sorry, Brent. All I wanted to do was invite you to our knitting circle. We just – well, we’d love some tips about how to teach men to knit.

we thought we might start to repair some of the gender relations around these parts if we offered something. You know, if we invited men to be a part of our circles rather than just eating and setting them on fire all the time. And we thought, too, if we could teach more men to knit, they might become better men and a lot less likely to be eaten. You know? I mean – you knit and you haven’t been eaten.

Right, right. Correlation is not causation. I know.  

Yeah, well, we just want to find a way to dialogue with men, you know? And it’s tricky because they definitely don’t want to join us. Do men not like to debate anymore?

But why don’t they feel welcome, Brent? If they’re scared, we’ll just eat their fear and they’ll be even safer!

I mean – we would be on our best behavior. We would do our level best not to set anyone on fire – or eat them. Isn’t our word good enough?

I’m sorry. I know you don’t speak for all men. The fact that you’re still alive after so much contact with dragons suggests you are a pretty unusual specimen of your gender. Are you one of those men who’s just always gotten along better with women?

I’m always stepping over the line. You can count on me to ask too much!

Oh, really? You were a guy’s guy? Like – huh. Wow. That’s confusing. I find that confusing. I thought it would be the reverse – like you’d be the one guy in the group of women guy. But you’re a guy’s guy, girlfriend guy – not a friend of women guy. Sorry – probably all these categories are meaningless. I’m just making stuff up now. Making wrong-headed assumptions and

Like, did you identity as a feminist?

Sorry, is that too personal?

Yeah, no. That makes sense.

Well – you are a mystery to me, Brent. I hope you will come along with us. I will do my very best not to pester you with questions – unless you like to be pestered with questions, in which case, I will take care of that!

Yeah, yeah. Believe it or not, we can sit quietly in peace sometimes, too.
Sorry, yeah. I’ll leave you to actually enjoy your coffee without my yammering. Wheee! Ok. Well. You have the info. I’m going to get a scone.  

Sound of a dragon roar. Sound of a hotel door closing 

ASHLEY

Hey you.

Golly. I haven’t seen you in ages it feels like. I missed you all day.

Oh, you know - meetings. I never in my life had so many meetings. Is this what normal people do? Have meetings? Did you have meetings today, too?

Oh, right. Talon TV.

Oh my God. And Kala. How was that?

Sorry for what? Trying to kill me or flirting with you?

Ha! Yeah. Okay. Sure. Sure.

I guess I’m glad that there’s some rehabilitation for someone like her but I don’t want to hang out with her or anything. I mean, really the apology is for her, right? 

I guess there are people who would want to hear it. I just don’t care that much about her.

I mean, my dragon memories tend to be pretty cloudy so I have very little sense of her except as an invader in my space, swatting at me. And you.

She didn’t?

Well – I remember being worried for you. And, like, not wanting to go full out because I was worried about your safety. I didn’t want you caught in the crossfire.

Ha, yeah, swordfire.

Or my fire.

Also I really didn’t want to set fire to my place again. She just seemed like a nuisance.

But was it good to go?

Yeah. I guess it’s easy to turn her into an outsize threat. Good to remember she’s just a real estate agent from Montana who happens to have some sword fighting skills. And now we know she won’t use them for ill against other dragons.

Yes, the real threat remains.

Not those particular boys, though, you’re right. Theoretically they are also being rehabilitated. But from what I understand the rehabilitation for guys like that is about a fifty - fifty shot.

But of course there are others. Of course. And now that I’m public dragon number one, I’m a target for all of them. Wheeeee!

And Talon TV? Are they going to make you rich and famous, like all of them?

Ugh. Can’t they see you’re not just a dragon’s boyfriend? You’re a whole person!

What about your travel show?

Oh, they’re holding your travel show hostage! I see. Do their dragon business and then they will give you what you want.

I mean, yeah, it’s a little different for me because whatever I do, it’s a dragon doing it – so it’s dragon themed no matter what. Sit and watch paint dry with Ashley the Dragon!

Yeah, that’s my big pitch. Think it’ll fly?

Well – that’s the thing – Amanda says I can hold out for what I actually want to do – because people will be interested no matter what it is.

They keep telling me it’s going to be expensive for them to make because of the insurance. Like, they’re going to spend most of their budget on insurance – in case I dragon out and set their whole crew on fire. I gotta say, though it doesn’t feel good. They’re planning for destruction they think I’m going to do. And sometimes I think they might try and trigger an attack so they can get some especially viral footage.

Oh you know how they do on those reality shows – they make sure their participants are hungry and testy and then put them in some incredibly trying situation so they can watch sparks fly!

 I mean – did you know they have writers on those shows to invent those kinds of awful situations

They do! Yes! Writers come up with story arcs and character challenges and then use their participants like rats in a controlled story experiment. I don’t want that.

I guess I want to dance. I want a dance show. But it’s going to be hard to prod me into dragon destruction if I’m happily pas de bouree-ing up and down a studio.

Yeah but they say the insurance for that would be too expensive.

Oh. Good point. They SHOULD use all woman crews. Why wouldn’t they do that as a matter course?

I guess, right -  the crews have always been men before. They’d have to hire all new people
Oh, I’m sure they’d be like, “Oh we don’t have any lady key grips!” But I’m sure there’s someone.

Maybe instead of asking for more money to cover the insurance, I could just ask for women on the crew. That would be amazing.

Oh sure – yeah, what if there are dragons in the crew, then? But – I mean, if we’re all women it’s fine. And I would guess we can pretty safely include any trans or non-binary folks, too. That widens the pool a little bit.

Maybe not enough for the insurance companies. I mean – do they have Dragon specific insurance policies? How quickly do they evolve? Like – are there other city specific insurance policies?

Oh man. I don’t know how I turned into a person who thought about insurance.

True. It does seem to be all the TV people are interested in so…I sort of have to consider it, huh?

Did they talk to you about insurance over at Talon?

They should use that as a selling point. Talon TV. We won’t talk to you about insurance. Maybe I should go over there just to listen to TV people NOT talk about insurance for a while.

Well – right now all doors seem to be open. They just come with a lot of insurance talk.

Well Amanda is flying in tomorrow and we can bore her with insurance talk all night if we want.

No I definitely don’t want to either.

Who knew talking about insurance could make a person so tired?

Oh, right. Jet lag. I forgot about that. What do you think about ordering room service and crashing out early?

Yeah me, too. It’ll be nice. Just you and me, no glass or plexiglass or whatever between us. And no more talk of insurance.

(Dragoning theme credit music begins. Strings. Bells. It’s a little creepy but also fun. Like mischievous creatures sneaking around after midnight.)  

EMILY:

The Dragoning is created by Messenger Theatre Company and written by Emily Rainbow Davis

The Dragoning Theme was composed by Scott Ethier

Sound design by Matt Powell

Show art by Shannon Harvey

Produced by Kayshana Johnson

This episode featured Aaron Sinn as Harrison, Jonathan Horne as Zeke, Victoria Williams as Misty and Emily Hartford as Ashley.

Messenger Theatre Company is a not-for-profit organization and we are entirely reliant on your support.

Thank you in advance for making our next project possible.

Stay safe out there everyone. And watch out for dragons.

(Music resolves.)

Season Three - Episode Two - Dragon Nip (Dylan and Kala)

Messenger Theatre Company presents Season Three of The Dragoning

Episode Two: Dragon Nip    

(The first few notes of the piano sound nice and theatre-y but then they start to deconstruct, a bit like a music box going awry. Strings come in. Men droning. Are they monks?)

EMILY:

Messenger Theatre Company presents

Season Three of The Dragoning

(lots of voices saying The Dragoning. The beat drops. There are some distorted strings or cries in rhythm.)

EMILY:

Episode Two. Dragon Nip

Dylan and Kala

(The music sputters out.)

 *

(sound of dragon roar. Sound of traffic.)

DYLAN

No way! No way! I can’t believe it. My buddy from the tour. The one who took my advice – although not all of it, right? Am I right? And you remember me, Dylan!  Look at you, falling in love with a dragon, kicking off a whole other dragoning in a whole other country.

I can’t believe it. Right here. Right by my bus.

Are you taking the tour again?

Aw, that’s too bad. But probably for the best. Kristina has been doing a section about you in her tour. Oh you know, “Don’t tell anyone, but the world famous dragon lover took this very tour before falling in love with a dragon.” I mean I don’t know if that timeline is right but that’s what she says.

Sure, sure, I guess you’re used to people talking about you everywhere by now. Holy smokes.

Yeah, yeah,. You remembered! Yeah – well, I’m still working out the details, still figuring out the logistics, you know. For now, the tour company is a decent job. I just drive the bus around, you know. Not too demanding. Gives me time to think. But one day, for sure, I’m going to start those men only tours. Because every day, I fear for my life.

I mean, the women who get on this bus they’re mostly from other places but you know, as you found out, there are dragons from other places that aren’t Dragon City and maybe what they want to eat more than anything are tasty bus drivers here

They could eat me right up, Brent. I’m probably just a snack for them. Why not? Am I not edible?

Thank you. I think so.

You’re saying I’m too scared to eat?

Oh right. Because I’m feeding them with all this fear. Yeah, yeah. Good point.

But Brent. This fear is exhausting. I mean – don’t you feel it – just being on constant alert, being vigilant all the time, always watching your words so you don’t say anything that might set a dragon off? It’s very tiring! Don’t you think so? That’s why I think a men only situation would really make more sense.

I gotta get some investors. You interested?

Those guys? Over at the bar? Like Colm?

I have mentioned it over there.

Oh, they’re alright. Same as they ever were. They tell stories about you in there now.

Oh, you know, about how they had the dragon’s boyfriend in there once upon a time but you never let on you had a dragon girlfriend. A couple of em have a story that you’re some kind of spy.

Oh, for the dragons, of course. They think the dragons are stalking them – that they have the tastiest flesh – so all the dragons are itching to swallow them.

Now, I love those guys, but dragons don’t give a rat’s ass about a bunch of drunks in a bar who don’t bother anyone.

I mean they spend all their time in there. Where would they meet a dragon?

They could barely sustain a conversation with a woman before there were dragons, like how would any dragon find out where they drink?

I mean, like I said, I love those guys but they are not the most logical. They think dragons are out there trying to find men like them to eat when mostly – even I know this - the dragons just want to be left alone.

I mean, yeah, I’m afraid – but I know I’m still alive even out here meeting women every day, because I just leave ‘em be.

Dragons don’t like to be hassled. That much I know. I don’t hassle anyone, I’m staying safe, you know?

But those guys are so terrified, a dragon passing by wouldn’t even have to go in to get a full meal. She can just pass on by, take a good sniff and she’s fed for a week. That’s something I didn’t understand before.

Anyway – what are you doing back here, man? Aren’t you from over there somewhere? They kick you out?

I mean you did bring a dragon overseas. We all know that.

Oh right, right. They just turned your girlfriend loose.

They cut her loose and shuffled her onto the next plane. You included, huh?

But that government dragon attack wasn’t your fault, was it, Brent? I mean – on the news they made it sound like one conversation with you sent that agent around the dragon bend. But that’s not how it was, was it?

I didn’t think so. You’re not some magical dragon catalyst.  Maybe you’re just like – dragon nip. You get it? Like catnip but for dragons?  Dragon nip? Yeah dragon nip.

You know how they sell cat toys and they put cat nip in them…what if they made little dolls of you and gave them to the dragons to play with? That would be funny right?

Hey maybe I should sell little dolls of you. Maybe I’d make a million bucks, selling toys to dragons.

I don’t know, actually. Do dragons play with toys? As dragons? I’ve never seen it. And no one’s said anything. Maybe some of those baby dragons.

So wait wait – are you living here now, in Dragon City?

It must be hard having to leave your own country.

Yeah, yeah. Fresh start. Sure. Yeah. I could get into a fresh start. Kick off my career as a doll maker
Oh yeah, I got dozens of them. I’m an idea man.

The guys over at the bar are always razzing me about my ideas. “What is it this week, Dylan?” Well, one day I’ll make a million with one of these beauties. One day.

Oh sure, sure. You’re a busy guy now. Famous. Of course I’m just tickled that I spotted you right here by my bus! That’s gonna be good luck for me, I bet. “Spot a Dragon’s Boyfriend. You’ll have lots of Joy, Friend.” That’s a good saying, right?  

I’m full of ‘em.

If you ever need an idea, you know where to go. Right here to me, Dylan!

Alright, buddy. I’ll be seeing you around.

*

Sound of a dragon roar. Sound of a prison sort of door opening at the Apology Pavilion)  

Kala 

Drench! You actually came. They told me Ashley was a no go and I don’t blame her. I wouldn’t want to come listen to me apologize either if I were her.

But I’m really glad you’ve come. The truth is, it’s really you I want to apologize to. I mean…I want to apologize to Ashley as well. After all, it was her I tried to kill. But I don’t know her. I’ve never met her. I mean, I met her dragon but…it’s not really the same, is it? I guess you might know.

No?

Really? The longest time you’ve spent with her dragon was when I came to kill her?

Wait. Wait. What do you mean, usually you run?

Like – how often have you run?

Well, I was thinking of Ashley but you’ve run for other dragons, too? Drench! You’ve got a type! And it’s not me!

No, no…I’m sorry. This isn’t the apology. I know better than to flirt with a dragon’s boyfriend. Or – maybe I should say – I have learned that it may not be wise to flirt with a dragon’s boyfriend. The thing is, though, I flirt with everyone so I don’t always make those kinds of distinctions.

How do you like this set up, by the way? They renovated a Men’s Wearhouse just to give the dragons a safe place to apologize. I don’t know why they’ve put me behind glass, though. I’m not a dragon and they know it.

No, you know, I do know why they put me behind glass…they do this thing where they treat me like a dragon to try and get me to feel some empathy for them.

They’ve got this idea that they’re rehabilitating me and you know, it’s weird – but I think it’s working.

Oh, yeah – I forget you were Curious George. Well. When they took me away, I was sure they were going to throw me in front of a dragon firing squad – I mean a line of dragons spitting out fire. But they didn’t do that, Drench. They didn’t even throw me in a cell. It was just, like, a conference room. And I thought it would be a weird place to be executed so I started to calm down a little bit. I mean, I didn’t like being trapped with no weapons and no way out but I’ve felt trapped in conference rooms before – usually with the Central Montana Real Estate Board,

Anyway – yeah, this group of ladies, looking very much like the Central Montana Real Estate Board, came in and sat down at the table and made me an offer.

They were like – We’ll fly you back to Montana, unharmed and undamaged If you agree to participate in our rehabilitation program.

And I found it was an offer I couldn’t refuse, as it were.
Did I want to be rehabilitated? Oh hell no. I just figured I’d nod along and get a free flight home at the end. But those girls had some good points. They really did.

I mean, I’m not ready to join the Dragon Defense League or anything but I won’t accept another contract on a dragon and I think that was the main thing they were worried about.

I mean, I’m not a threat once I get back to Montana. As far as anyone knows, there are no dragons in Montana.

Yeah, yet. Good point. I guess that’s the other thing they’re worried about.

What turned me around? I don’t know that it was one particular thing. I guess I just had a lot of conversations. These people know how to talk a person to death if they want.

Well, they started out with women who aren’t dragons, actually. They were a lot of super tough direct ladies. I called them broads but I don’t think they liked that. But you know, they were fun to talk to. My kind of broads. And they let me know in no uncertain terms that my aligning with these scumbag incel dudes was a real betrayal of the sisterhood. Not that I’ve ever given a shit about a sisterhood.

But you know. They told me about misogyny and stuff. Apparently, I have some internalized misogyny going on. Did you ever hear of such a thing?

Do you? What do they call that? Internalized misandry? I never heard of that before.

Anyway – one of the working theories these broads had was that my misogyny was what was driving the dragon killer in me. Me, I thought it was money driving it. Those guys were going to pay me a lot. And they gave me a hefty advance.

But the broads had me spend some time with some dragons outside of their dragon form.

Oh, they made me take a goddamn watercolor workshop they were sponsoring. These girls. Oh my god. All so nice. I was tempted to kill them in their human forms.

No, of course I wouldn’t.

But the Broads knew that. And you know, I don’t like a nice girl. I’m sorry I just never have. I don’t trust them. But I guess they were doing aversion therapy on me or something – because after a week of doing watercolors with these girls, I’d have done anything for them. They worked their magic on me, I guess.

I don’t know. I guess I got a little soft. And you know, Drench, softness has its good points.

I don’t know. The Broads were convinced that if I allowed myself to be a little soft, a little undefended, I might discover something. And when I realized that these girls had been walking around their whole lives like that? That’s when I started to feel for them.

I guess I’ve been part dragon my whole life. Like, not literally – but I have some serious scales and my claws are dangerous, just you know, in life. But these girls never had claws. They were walking around vulnerable, with no armor, no scales, no claws, so like…of course they had to turn dragon.

I can’t begin to understand the mechanism for it all but they have turned me around. Stupid watercolors.
Anyway – I’m very sorry I tried to kill your girlfriend. In my defense, I did not know she was your girlfriend. She was just my target.

But anyway. I am sorry.
For a long time, I confess, I was pretty mad at you for stringing me along or setting me up or whatever you did. But – the Broads helped me see that you were just protecting a vulnerable person. And anyone who tried to mess with my watercolor girls would get similar treatment from me. Woe to the person who put his sights on one of those girls. And I’d be a lot less kind than you were.

I mean, I walked away from that encounter with only a couple of scratches from falling dishware. I could have been clawed to death. Or stabbed. Or set on fire.

But really – I’m sorry for risking your life like that. I’m sorry for trying to kill your girlfriend. I’m sure you know it was just business and not out of jealousy or anything. I was very surprised to find you there as I think you may have realized. Anyway, I am sorry. Am I doing this right? Hang on, let me look at the apology guide.
Yeah, yeah. Check it out. It’s big and clear. There’s a check list. Oh, see, I forgot this part. I take responsibility for my actions.

You see. It’s a good thing this guide is here. Yeah, so it was me who chose to go to a young woman’s apartment armed with a sword to kill her. It was me who brought in that triggering pizza guy to get her into the body I wanted a trophy of. It was me who got Ashley into a state that knocked her dishes off her shelves. The cuts were on me. The whole debacle was my choice.

To be honest, I was mostly mad to get caught.

Well, in my mind it wasn’t a crime. I didn’t think of dragons as human so killing one didn’t seem particularly bad.

I know now that it would have been murder, really. Like, just because I wanted to kill the animal, doesn’t mean I wasn’t really killing a person. I was told to get my trophy early because dragons often revert to their human bodies when they die. That should have clued me in to what was the actual self of the thing. Person. Anyway – I take responsibility for what I did. And I suppose I should be grateful to you that you prevented me from killing her. I could have been charged with murder.

Believe me, that’s a fact that those boys who hired me failed to mention. I’m a hunter, not a contract killer.

Oh yeah. I flipped faster than a bubbling pancake. Those guys didn’t earn any silence from me. I don’t know what happened to them. I’m not sure these Dragon Justice broads would even want to go through the old justice system. They feel pretty strongly that the laws are way too far behind for this sort of thing. That’s why they didn’t turn me over to the usual law. It’s entirely possible that the fellas who hired me are going through rehabilitation just like me.

Well, probably not just like me. Those guys hate all kinds of women, not just dragons. They would need a lot of deprogramming to get to a baseline de-misogynized existence. I don’t know if it’s possible. And I don’t know that many of these women would have the patience to sit with those guys for long enough to do it. It’s very possible that a lot of them were dragon toast or a dragon snack.  I’m sure they tried to give them a chance but in my experience…those boys were very triggering and they were very lucky that I was not a dragon and that I know how to keep my sword to myself.

But here I am bragging, not apologizing. Have I apologized sufficiently do you think? Do you feel sufficiently apologized at?

I think so, too. And for now seems like a good qualification. Anyway. How are you, Drench? I understand you’ve had an eventful trip home.

Yeah. I can understand not wanting to talk about it. And again, I am sorry for attempting to kill everyone’s favorite dragon.
Don’t you think everyone’s going mad for her? I mean, I have to hand it to you, you’ve made her really human with your little love story.

No. No. I’m sorry. I did not mean to be patronizing there.

I mean, I know better than to flirt with a dragon’s boyfriend. Though I also know I’m pretty safe to do it. Dragons don’t behave like wronged women in soap operas, for the most part. They’re not jealous creatures. They’re more likely to eat someone for a slight infraction than a big one. And so far, they haven’t eaten any other women.

I guess ultimately, I’m putting you at more risk than me by flirting with you.

I’m glad to hear it.

Oh, no, I’m not hanging around this city a minute longer than I have to. I’m going back to Montana as soon as they give me the all clear – and this little exercise is one of the last hurdles. I mean, sure, they’d prefer I apologized to Ashley – but it’s really up to the wronged person whether or not they feel like listening to someone apologize. It’s a very acceptable response to not want to see the face of someone who tried to kill you. Everyone in this whole weirdo rehabilitation program believes that. I think that’s why this Apology Pavilion isn’t so busy.

I mean, first, because the dragons don’t really TRY to kill anyone, they just do. Very fast.

No attempts necessary. It’s usually loved ones they end up apologizing to – and again….not everyone is up for that. I get the sense you’re a little unusual that way.

Oh, right. Curious George. That’s you. It’s really amazing it hasn’t killed you.

Well, I don’t want to keep you stuck in this weird building with me. But, you know, if you ever get out to Montana, look me up. You still have my card?

Well – certainly if you have real estate needs in Montana! I’d be offended if you went with anyone else.

No, no. I can’t imagine you’d be moving to Montana any time soon. And I imagine it might be pretty difficult for Ashley to relocate.

Of course I have empathy! This whole rehabilitation scheme would never work if I didn’t.

I mean, I’m not going to lie. I am not over blessed in the empathy department I have learned. But I’ve got enough to keep me from being a lost cause 

Look – I’m ready to get the hell out of this crazy city. Not that I’ve seen much of it in this rehab situation – but everything’s backwards here and I do not like it. When I get back to Montana, after I smooth things over with my colleagues who I’ve abandoned all this while, I am going to the woods and I am going to just disappear for as long as I can get away with. City life is already not for me. But Dragon City Life? For sure not for me. Power dynamics not withstanding.

Well Drench – it has been great to see you again. I’m grateful to find that I’m not angry at you anymore. I guess they call that forgiveness.

Oh, really? Thank you so much. It’s nice to exchange forgiveness. I didn’t expect it but I do appreciate it. I am genuinely sorry. If you feel you can relay that message to Ashley, too, I’d appreciate it. I don’t expect her to forgive me but I would like her to know I’m sorry.

Okay. I guess that’s our Apology session.

I push this button to let them know they can let me out.

You just go out that door.

Bye Drench. 

Stay safe out there.

*

(Dragoning theme credit music begins. Strings. Bells. It’s a little creepy but also fun. Like mischievous creatures sneaking around after midnight.)

EMILY:

The Dragoning is created by Messenger Theatre Company and written by Emily Rainbow Davis

The Dragoning Theme was composed by Scott Ethier

Sound design by Matt Powell

Show art by Shannon Harvey

Produced by Kayshana Johnson

This episode featured Jeff LaGreca as Dylan and Nancy Nagrant as Kala. 

Messenger Theatre Company is a not-for-profit organization and we are entirely reliant on your support. 

Thank you in advance for making our next project possible.

Stay safe out there everyone. And watch out for dragons.

(Music resolves.)

Season Three - Episode One - Back in Dragon City (Amanda, Willie and Jenny)

Messenger Theatre Company presents Season Three of The Dragoning

Episode One: Return to Dragon City  

(The first few notes of the piano sound nice and theatre-y but then they start to deconstruct, a bit like a music box going awry. Strings come in. Men droning. Are they monks?)

EMILY:

Messenger Theatre Company presents

Season Three of The Dragoning

(lots of voices saying The Dragoning. The beat drops. There are some distorted strings or cries in rhythm.)

EMILY:

Episode One. Return to Dragon City

Amanda, Willie and Jenny

(The music sputters out. Alternating notes of a horror soundtrack begin.)

AMANDA

She’s at a picnic table. She’s nice, she’s friendly. She’s writing in her notebook. A man in a baseball cap comes and just sits at the table, his back to her, scrolling on his phone, drinking his coffee. There is the sound of claws emerging behind him. He turns around and sitting there is a dragon, smiling and rolling her talons on the table. She smiles as sweet as a dragon can smile and watches as the man runs away. She transforms back into a woman and resumes her work.

*

A city street. A young man with a sour face and a backpack is pulling his rolly bag toward the coffee shop. A woman arrives at the coffee shop door first so she opens the door and holds it open for him. He does not thank her, does not smile, just walks in. The woman turns her head and licks her lips like she’s thinking of a meal she’s looking forward to eating.

Inside the café, the woman orders a coffee and the man comes up behind her. He is too close.

There is no reason for him to be this close to her. She goes to wait for her coffee outside. The man collects his coffee and leaves.

Through the window, we see a suitcase and a backpack fly past, as if they’ve been spit out by a dragon. The woman comes back in, delicately wiping her mouth. She says quietly, “You really ought to smile more.” And then collects her coffee at the counter.

*

It is late at night. A woman is walking home alone. As she passes under the streetlight, we see that she is being followed by a man. He is lit up by the streetlight just as he accidently kicks a can. There is the sound of a warning dragon growl and the man looks up and freezes then backs slowly out of the streetlamp’s light. We hear him run away in the other direction. The woman appears in the next streetlamp’s light, whistling and walking merrily on her way.

*

That’s the opening, Brent!
What do you think?

No, no, it’s a TV show – like a scripted fictional sort of thing.

Well - they want you to consult on it. They give you a producer credit, which, I’m given to understand, comes with a very generous salary. That’s on top of the consulting fees.

Well – I think they feel it’s safer to have you on the team than an actual dragon.

Right, because there are some men on the creative team and they’re concerned about fire and consumption and so on. I think they mostly want to ask you questions – which I know you can handle.

The truth is, Brent, you’re very much in demand for this sort of thing – because no one wants to piss off the dragons by misrepresenting them but they’re all also to scared to talk with them directly. They see you as a direct line to dragons without the fire.

I suppose it might make sense to just have dragons make their own work about dragons, that’s true. But who’s to say this ISN’T that situation? It’s possible half of this creative team are dragons and they’re just not out to their colleagues.

I mean, what does it sound like to you?

Does this sound like a bunch of dudes who don’t know what they’re talking about or does it have some authentic dragon vibes?
Well, you know I don’t know. I’m just here to help you negotiate your public life. I know diddly squat about dragons. That’s your gig! And Ashley’s of course.

I agree – it does feel like sexism all over again that these folks would rather work with a man than a woman who actually knows all about it. I agree completely. It’s very messed up. But from their perspective, they’re just trying not to get eaten or set on fire, so I see it from their side, too.

How about this? We have them hire you and Ashley. You’re the on-site consultant and you and Ashley can discuss the issues at home. I think they might go for it. I’ll take it to them. See what they think. Or rather my new assistant will. Everyone would rather talk to Davey these days.

So believe me – I am sympathetic to the messed up dynamics of the current moment. But! They still pay me more than him regardless so…for now, it’s not so bad.

Tell me.

Interesting – yeah – that’s true those dragons do seem to be a bit more in control than our real life dragons. That’s interesting.

I think they’re from Dragon City? Maybe? I’ll ask them for you.

No – it’s true – it would be really something for the dragons to be able to slip in and out like that. And less dangerous, too.

Oh sure. Yeah. If there’s a group of dragons who have conscious control of when and how they dragon out? That would be really good to know.

But of course, this is a TV series.

Fiction, you know. So it could just be someone making it all up.

Anything else you want me to take back to them?

Cool. Now – don’t forget you and Ashley are zooming in to that Talk Show in Belgium tomorrow so I’ll check in with you right before. Sound good?

Okay, my lucky dragon boy, until tomorrow.

*

(sound of dragon roar. Sound of smooth jazz at a hotel.)

WILLIE

Can’t believe it. All of us back together at the Davina. Around the world and back again huh?

Nah, nah, once The Dragoning kicked off there and they had my models, they didn’t need me anymore. In fact, they wanted me out of there ASAP – said they didn’t want to be responsible for my safety.

It was time. I made my money, helped them out and got on out of there.

 I mean, Alice! Who’d have thought? She didn’t seem the type. And I heard she gutted that government building. Fire and destruction.
Did she really eat most of her department?

I guess she was hungry.

I mean, granted. I did meet a lot of those guys she worked with and they wouldn’t have lasted a minute in Dragon City – so it was probably bound to happen sooner or later. It’s just, Alice!

Well - I think you develop an instinct here in Dragon City. You get your blind spots, of course – but, I know to be on my guard with the real sweet ones. If she tells me it was sooooo nice to meet me, I’ll be pulling out my pine aromatherapy stick, you know?

You don’t have one of those? Oh, man. You gotta get yourself a box of them.

Well you know how scented candles of certain scents can give you a little extra protection - or rather  - can give a dragon a little extra help in retaining control?

Turns out little bits of essential oils do more or less the same thing. This city smells like a pine forest everywhere you go these days - with little fields of geranium dotted around.

I bet the front desk has some they could sell you. It’s becoming as common as toothpaste around here.

No, no, I don’t work here anymore. I just like to hang out at their bar because my former colleagues always give me the discount – and the vibe is usually pretty chill.

And my former colleagues here treat me like a real celebrity here, too, you know. I don’t mind that.
Well, you know how it is at places like this. Not a lot of people make it out and they just work the door until they retire or whatever. So they love to tell people about the former doorman who got hired to stop a dragoning overseas. Not that I stopped anything. And neither did you, huh? Just kicked off the world’s second dragoning all on your own!

I’m just kidding, man. I know none of that had anything to do with you. And you have had a lot of close calls, man. A lot of close calls. I’ve been in these places just like you and I never had close calls. It’s like your special skill or something.

Oh speaking of close calls, wasn’t Ashley going to join us?

Oh, consulting for Hollywood now! Well, well, well. So close to her dream but not quite, huh? Maybe they’ll ask her to dance one of these days. 

Nah, I’m proud of you guys. You’re figuring out how to navigate this upside down world and not everyone knows how to manage that. And you’re making a dragon/man relationship work. Without aromatherapy sticks even! You’re an inspiration.
Is she? Oh, sweet girl. No, I’m looking forward to seeing her. I’m not scared. Well, just scared enough, I’d say. I figure, I spent all that time with her before, I know about that whole being a dragon thing and never had a thing to worry about… so I figure I’m not especially triggering for her. Or any dragons, maybe. I hope, anyway. You know.

And I guess I sort of feel like if it’s my time to get eaten or torched - okay. I do my best to avoid it – try not to be a douchebag, try to be considerate of other people and not get patronizing or something – but maybe one day I make a mistake and maybe that’s it for me. To be honest, it isn’t all that different from trying to avoid getting bashed in school 

Nah, nah. I had no idea that’s what I was doing back then. I just can name it now as I try to pass on the skill to some of my fellow men. A lot of them need some help staying alive in this new world, you know? I don’t want to say some guys are asking for it – but you know, it’s like, evolve fast or be burned alive, you know? Folks got to figure that out or it’s lunchtime for dragons, you know?

I know you do.

Oh, yeah - well, I’m finishing up the last of my coursework so I can go ahead and get the degree. Not that having it is entirely necessary at the moment – but I figure, eventually I’ll stop being the star technologist who got there first and I’ll want to be able to point to credentials beyond the first flush of The Dragoning.

Not that I think this is over, in any way. I’m fielding calls from all sorts of places who are sure they’re going to be next – but eventually – well, none of us know what’s going to happen from here and my grandmother was pretty clear that the only thing any of us could rely on was education.

I mean, I’m not that far away. My teachers are counting a lot of my outside projects as course work – you know practical internship/residency sort of stuff – so I really just have to write up my findings in a kind of thesis form and I’m done.

Yeah – and I can invite my grandma to my graduation, you know. That’ll mean a whole lot more to her than any of my stories about working across the ocean. She wants to see me in a cap and gown and I mean to give that to her.  

What does she think of The Dragoning?

Well, she worries about me, of course – because she doesn’t want her baby eaten up or anything – but she’s also sort of funny about it.

Well, she’ll say she understands why all those girls got so mad. She says that she went through a few years where she felt mad enough to turn hell cat. She says she used to walk around picturing folks with her claw marks bleeding out from their faces just to get through the day so – she says she’s just lucky she didn’t actually turn hell cat or she’d have some murder notches on her belt she didn’t particularly want.
Yeah – she feels lucky, she said. And that she wouldn’t want to deal with the clean up of that sort of thing – so she said those dragon girls should be glad their destruction is so complete, so fastidious – and leaves so little behind.

Yeah she has quite a mind, my grandma. How about you? You have living grandparents?

How are they handling your new life?

Yeah I imagine it would be a lot to take in. Probably makes it hard to introduce them to your new girlfriend, huh?

Your parents, too, huh? Oh man, I’m sorry. Well – they’ll probably come around eventually. Probably they’re just trying to protect you. It’s probably not easy to accept your son being with someone who could snap and murder him at any point. 

Right! Man, I never thought of that! Women have been partnering with men who could kill them for years! What was that statistic? Man, I can’t believe I forgot this – we needed to pull it out at the missing person’s unit all the time. But basically, when a woman went missing back then, we always looked at the husband or boyfriend first and nine times out of ten, we were right. That’s a real turn around.

And from what I understand, dragons don’t tend to attack men they love. It happened in the beginning – but now, not so much. I guess they work their stuff out enough to not dragon up when things are rough. They just get regular mad, like you do at regular people. But I don’t need to tell you, do I?

Not gonna lie, I’m pretty sure if anything gets me dragoned, it’s going to be the mansplaining. I try not to do it to women – but sometimes with men….well, maybe I just get pent up with explanations or something and then just…Anyways if I get torched, you can probably assume I tried to explain dragons to a dragon.

Oh definitely if you notice me doing it, just kick me under the table or something, give me a sign. I’ve got too much to do to end up a pile of ash before my time.

Oh is that Ashley waving us out front? Dragon life suits her.

Yeah. I’m hungry too. Dragon Ramen, here we come!

*

Sound of a dragon roar. Sound of a van parking

JENNY

Well look who it is – my friend who got famous after riding in my shuttle! You’ve had quite a ride, haven’t you?

Where’s your dragon girlfriend?

Old friends, eh? Weren’t you invited?

Oh jet lag – yeah. Well, we’ll get you back to the Hotel Davina in a jiffy, have no fear about that I got a real express service for the boyfriends of dragons so welcome aboard.

Sound of van driving

You’re sweet to ask. Well – we get about the same call for shuttling as we did before. A few more drunks who’ve discovered the service – but I don’t worry too much about them when they’re from here. They wouldn’t dare throw up in a van driven by a woman.

I mean, they don’t know I’m not a dragon – but everyone figures driving is prohibitive to dragoning up.

And I don’t disabuse them of the notion that I might be a dragon if it’s going to keep them from throwing up in my van.

I will cop to having encouraged the idea a few times when they seemed like they might not keep their long island iced teas down.

And I’ll just pull over if the fear isn’t going to keep their bar snacks down. I’ll wait, too. I don’t want to be the shuttle driver who let her passenger get eaten by the side of the road. That would not help my business, no sir.

So how’s it feel to kick off the second dragoning? You feel powerful?

I would. Wow. Only two places in the world with dragons and you’ve been there for both!

That we know of. That we know of. That is a good point. You trying to steal our thunder here in Dragon City?

They’re going to take our nickname away if they keep having dragonings everywhere. Our dragon cottage industries will dry up like that!

True. True. Or be the models for everyone who comes after us. Good point. I like that. I could get an international shuttle service going or something. That’s be pretty wild.

No, no, I’m just a driver in this game but I can see the angles. Not sure I’d want the responsibilities really. I’m happy driving a van.

I hope you don’t mind but I’ve bragged on you a few times to some of my passengers.

Oh, you know, how I had you in my van a couple of times and how I knew you wouldn’t get yourself torched or eaten in a hurry.

Close, huh? Well, close is pretty okay. I imagine you couldn’t be in a relationship with a dragon without getting a little almost eaten or a little singed. 

Singed, eh? Well, you recovered fast. Good for you.

I hope to get to meet your girlfriend one day.

Yeah, well, technically, women aren’t allowed on this shuttle – and especially not dragons – so I’m not sure how I could get her on board. Maybe some time after hours or something. Or she could pick you up and I could just step off and say hello. Maybe get a selfie with you guys.

I’m not usually into that sort of thing but none of my friends believe me when I tell them I met you. It doesn’t matter, you know. It’s just sometimes you want to throw such things back in their faces, you know.

Oh, that’s sweet. Thank you.

Some of my friends have, like, parasocial relationships with you two so it will really mean something. They’re going to die from envy. 

Ha! Yeah – maybe we should skip it so I don’t accidentally kill my friends.

Well – we’re almost at the Davina. It’s like your dragon home away from home, eh? But wait, isn’t your girlfriend a local? Doesn’t she have an apartment?

Ohhh. Who would dox a dragon?

I guess I’d have my theories too, in your position. Well, listen, I won’t tell a soul where you two are staying. This service is confidential and my lips are sealed.

Here we are. The Hotel Davina. Stay safe as you can. My friends and I are rooting for you!
Really? You’d do that for me?

But wait. You guys don’t want to be doxed all over again.

Oh – you know – I’ve seen videos where people can identify your location based on a photo with almost no identifying information. Like, just like a little symbol or a style of paint or something. There are all these contests where people challenge them with super boring pics that they can identify in seconds. It’s crazy.

Okay. Good idea. Inside the van. With no windows or mirrors. Sorry. I didn’t mean to be paranoid for you. Just, like, I worry for you. And it feels there’s a lot to worry over.

Yeah. I guess you guys know that more than most people.

Alright. Yeah. This looks safe.
Cheese! 

Ah that’s great. Thank you. My friends are going to flip.

Stay safe out there, Brent. And if you need anything, especially a ride, you let me know.

Good night.

*

(Dragoning theme credit music begins. Strings. Bells. It’s a little creepy but also fun. Like mischievous creatures sneaking around after midnight.)  

EMILY:

The Dragoning is produced by Messenger Theatre Company and written by Emily Rainbow Davis

The Dragoning Theme was composed by Scott Ethier

Sound design by Matt Powell

This episode featured Rhiannon Moushall as Amanda, Julian Rozzell Jr as Willie and Sevrin Anne Mason as Jenny

Messenger Theatre Company is a not-for-profit organization and we are entirely reliant on your support.

Thank you in advance for making our next project possible.

Stay safe out there everyone. And watch out for dragons.

(Music resolves.)

Season Two - Episode Ten - Transcript

Messenger Theatre Company presents Season Two of The Dragoning

Episode Ten: Alice

(The first few notes of the piano sound nice and theatre-y but then they start to deconstruct, a bit like a music box going awry. Strings come in. Men droning. Are they monks?)

EMILY:

Messenger Theatre Company presents

Season Two of The Dragoning

(lots of voices saying The Dragoning. The beat drops. There are some distorted strings or cries in rhythm.)

EMILY:

Episode Ten: Alice

(The music sputters out.)

(Government Office noise)

Episode 10

ALICE DYER

Well, of course. We’ve been listening in on you, Brent. What do you think we are? Amateurs?

No – and not just with Ashley either, though clearly that’s when you thought we were listening.

Well Brent, We’ve been tracking your contacts, especially with the knitting group.

Yes and it is really very obvious that they are not exactly a knitting group.

Oh we know. And we congratulate you on your new skill. My colleagues are particular fans of the cap you knitted.

But yes. We’re very aware of what actually ties that knitting group together and it is not yarn.

The problem is, Brent, the problem is – you’re involved with a very dangerous group of women.

They are a very dangerous group of women, Brent, and I’m certain you know how dangerous.

And I think, Brent, I think you may be responsible for making them even more dangerous than they were before.

From what we understand, Brent, this is a group of dragons and dragon supporters. And until they met up with you, they were just a group of nice ladies masquerading as a knitting society.

But there have been a series of incidents lately, Brent. A series of incidents that I think the law might hold YOU accountable for.

There’s a smoothie these girls have been drinking to keep their dragons in check and it would seem you encouraged them to stop. You, Mr. #FreeTheDragon may have hashtag freed more dragons than you planned on.

Well, Brent, I can’t share all the details with you – but I can tell you that I have an epic list of missing men and some reports of dragon sightings near the places they went missing. I’ve got some scorch marks that would not be naturally occurring. I don’t want to say those girls have been on a rampage – but it does have all the signs of a rampage.

And we have to assume, Brent, that this rampage is connected to this “knitting group” quote unquote.

No. Not yet Brent. There’s no solid evidence yet – so I cannot take you in just yet. But I am sure it is only a matter of time and it will not pleasant.

We only have the recordings of Fiona – so she’s our only suspect at the moment. But what we need, Brent, are the names of the other members of your group.

What do you mean you don’t think Fiona’s a dragon? She’s part of this group, isn’t she?

Ally, how?

Like you, how?

No, I know you’re not a dragon, Brent. That’s obvious.

Okay. Like support them. Help them out. Maybe with a Free the Dragon campaign. I see. And you’re saying she’s like you – just a friend to the dragons, not an actual dragon.

How do you know?

A vibe? Really. A vibe. Oh lord.

Like what? What did she say that makes you think she’s not a dragon?

Okay. What DIDN’T she say then?

What does apologizing have to do with anything?

Okay.

But if we take her in, we’ll know pretty quickly, won’t we?

Doesn’t matter. We want the whole ring, not just their leader.

She’s not?

Oh. Spokeswoman, then.

Just tell me who else is in the group, Brent. I don’t want to come back here with charges for you.

What do you mean, you don’t know? You hung out with those ladies all that time and you don’t know anyone’s name? Come on.

What are they doing, using code names?

Well – what were those?

What do you mean you don’t know? Brent. Come on.

I know you’re a man, Brent. I have been paying attention.

Careful, how?

But careful, how?

I mean, they must have trusted you enough to have you around.

Useful how.

Like a block? Like you’re running interference?

Listen. I don’t trust men either but I do tell them my name.

No I’m not a dragon.

Do you think every woman you meet is a dragon, Brent?

I’m plenty paranoid. I do not need to start assuming every woman I meet is a dragon.

We’re losing the thread here, Brent. I have a dragon rampage on my hands and I want answers.

You went to a convention. I don’t know, how you can expect me to believe you didn’t learn anyone’s name. Don’t these people use name tags like everyone at a convention?

I don’t understand why they would avoid names even with each other? That makes no sense. What power does a name have if you can breathe fire?

Granted. I see that. Yes. I want a name – therefore it has power. Yes. I see. But they’re not worried about me.

Doxing. That was the – uh…?

Sure. Oh yeah. That’s just having your cover blown. If you’re not doing bad stuff – or working for the government then it’s not really a big deal.

The most interesting stuff does not happen on the internet, believe it or not.

I understand power in numbers.

A million dragon hating dudes? But what would they do?

But are they credible threats?

Well, I can tell the difference very well.

I’m sure we have a cyber crime unit in operation.

No, we don’t protect dragons.

I see.

And that is why they don’t use each other’s names and you don’t know any of them.

I see. Sure.

You’re telling me you don’t know anyone’s name but Fiona’s, which is the only name any of you knows. So even if I tracked down Brenda or someone, she’d probably only know Fiona’s name, too?

Good god. This is going to be a really difficult crime syndicate to track down if what you’re saying is true.

I’ve got a nameless group of nice normal looking women out on these streets ready to terrorize any man they see.

Oh good lord, this is bad. This is very bad. And we can’t even blame this one on foreigners. Eep.

But we can blame you. Local dragon-o-phile convinces Dragon Coven to let loose and come out fighting.

What would you call it then?

Group? That’s not very evocative.

No – I know a coven is a group of witches. It’s hyperbole. Group of women witches, group of women dragons. Seems logical to me. They’re both magical creatures or whatever.

They’re not magical?

Okay mythical. Sure.

You don’t call that magic?

Okay. I’ll grant you that. Maybe magic is just science we don’t understand yet.

Anyway – I can take you in. I can hold you responsible if I can’t get my hands on the dragons. Maybe they’ll come for you.

You don’t think so? Some friends.

What sort of better things?

Revolution? I mean. Now you’re really talking trouble. Revolution! Like, they want to overthrow the government?

What do you mean order of things?

You’re making no sense, Brent. And you don’t seem too worried about getting taken in. Why is that, Brent? You think all your new fans will start a hashtag? Free the Dragon’s Boyfriend campaign? I don’t think that strategy will work twice.

Well, if that’s not it, what is it? If I were you, I’d be shaking in my boots about getting taken in for conspiracy.

No, I don’t suppose there would be anything you could do about it.

Yes, we do have the recordings. Plain as day – you suggesting the dragons stop drinking their anti-dragon juice. I think that’s pretty incriminating, Brent.

What do you mean?

Why wouldn’t they listen to you?

Well, you’ve run a pretty successful free the dragon campaign, I’d say that maybe earned you the right to be listened to.

Sure. Yes. You’re a man. So what?

Why wouldn’t they listen to a man?

I know they’re dragons, Brent. That’s why we’re having this conversation.

I’m not sure I understand what you mean by power.

Sure – I can handle a metaphor.

Okay – the dragons are sharks. Got it.

Okay. And you’re a minnow.

I don’t know what happens when a minnow tries to tell a group of sharks what to do.

Ha ha. Depends on how annoying the minnow is indeed. Very funny. How annoying are you, Brent?

Okay. Not annoying enough to get eaten. Sure.

You’re saying they wouldn’t pay you any mind – because you’re a minnow and they’re sharks.

That’s not really going to hold up in a court of law, Brent.

Oh I plan on asking them if I can find them. That’s why I’m still sitting here talking to you instead of hauling you in.

I think you do matter, Brent. I think a famous dragon’s boyfriend suggests to a group of dragons they stop drugging themselves, I think they might stop drugging themselves – which means you are directly responsible for the assumed deaths of quite a few men, Brent.

What do you mean, what did they do? It doesn’t matter what they did. They didn’t deserve to be eaten or burned to death.

Are you asking what they were wearing, Brent? If they were asking for it? I don’t care if they walked right up to those dragons and told them to eat them, they shouldn’t have been eaten.

There are not.

There are?

I don’t think these guys are those kind of guys, Brent. But again – it does not matter.

Well, I’m thinking accessory to murder or conspiracy.

Are you a lawyer, Brent?

No – just talking to someone isn’t a crime, you’re right about that. But I think if that someone is a dragon -

Fine. If that someone is a spokesperson for dragons, then it’s a different situation.

I mean. From your conversation with her, I might think she’s gone off the grid. Certainly, her phone is dead and she is nowhere to be found.

She’s a person of interest, for sure. And if we find she was at any of these immolations or consumptions, she will be in really big trouble. Or if she did it herself. Not that she’s a dragon, I know. The vibe.

You weren’t at any of these immolations or consumptions, were you, Brent?

Didn’t go along for a little dragon joy ride, did you?

No. I guess you don’t have a death wish, do you?

You never know what people are into.

A year ago you didn’t know you’d be into dragons, did you?

No one had dragons on their minds a year ago. Things change quickly, I guess.

Sure. You can ask me whatever. I may not answer – but you can ask.

Never really thought about it, honestly and I’m not sure we’ll have a choice about whether or not we want to live in this dragoning world. This is becoming the world whether we like it or not.

I think it would be so bad. I like a world with order in it. I like a world where people mostly behave themselves and the ones that don’t, get locked up.

That’s a world that makes sense to me. A world where animals decide who lives and dies? That’s not for me.

What are you talking about, justice? Sure – justice is complicated and the wheels of it grind slowly but we can’t solve our problems with teeth and fire, Brent. That’s no solution.

Tip the balance. Tip the balance. Come on. You are one weird dude.

No I cannot take you in for being a weird dude. Unfortunately.

If I had dragon powers? Like if I could breathe fire and eat people? I think I’d just sit around smugly thinking about all the people I could eat but wasn’t.

The real benefit of power is not having to use it.

That’s what they teach you in martial arts anyway. Because you CAN karate chop a man’s arm means you don’t. Because you can take a man down to the ground in a single move, you don’t. That’s the power of power.

Well that’s very clever, Brent. Very clever indeed. Because I can take you down to the station, I won’t.

Okay. But mostly because it would actually be of no benefit to anyone. I’m pretty sure you don’t know any more than I know. You don’t have names I don’t have. You haven’t had many conversations I haven’t heard. I take you in, I scare you a little bit but I generate paper work for me and very possibly another PR nightmare.

So you’re right. I don’t really want to take you in. But I reserve my right to. When The Dragoning starts in earnest and someone wants to blame me, I may just shift that blame right over to you. I mean, you will always be linked to our patient zero, as it were, so that will be easy enough. But no. I won’t take you in now. Not yet.

If you have information that can help us stave off that inevitable day, speak now.

I figured as much. Had to ask. Well, when this whole society grinds to a halt from fear of these things, I won’t thank you.

You’re right. We do have eyes on you. And Ashley. So do a lot of people.

Be careful, Brent. Be careful.

Sure I can smell something.

Yeah, so you’re scared, so what?

You think I’m smelling your fear, Brent? Don’t be ridiculous.

But dragons smell fear.

What do you mean I’m not nice enough to be a dragon? That’s not a nice thing to say.

I don’t fit the pattern because I’m not a dragon, Brent.

And you’re an expert all of a sudden?

I don’t know – sort of a savory marshmallowy sort of thing?

I’m not eating your fear, Brent. I’d know it if I was.

Why would I investigate myself?

I’m telling you to be careful, Brent. You don’t tell me.

You really think I might be a dragon, huh?

Well, that would be a real kick in the pants, wouldn’t it?

But I’d know, wouldn’t I?

You’re telling me there are dragons walking around who don’t know they’re dragons?

How could you eat someone and not know it?

No, I know you haven’t eaten anyone. And I haven’t either.

Right. To my knowledge. Ha.

Like – a split consciousness?

I would imagine it would be a lot for a brain to process – the transformation, the reptile brain, the change in the body.

Like getting black out drunk. Sure.

Man, that smell is getting stronger.  You don’t smell that?

Kind of a savory burnt marshmallow? No?

That’s your fear?

And you think I’m eating it.

I’m not, though. I don’t have a knife and fork.

No, I guess I do feel full.

No, I was starving half an hour ago.

Oh.

Oh.

No. Certainly you should run if you see a dragon. Certainly.

Okay. I accept your request. If I start to feel dragony, I will tell you to run.

You know, I don’t actually need you to explain this process to me. If I’m a dragon and I don’t accept that I am one – I can figure it out without your help, you know.

You wanna give me some advice? Some tips?

Actually – run!

(The sound of Alice pushing back her chair and transforming into a dragon. Footsteps running away. Mayhem in the office building.)

*

(Dragoning theme credit music begins. Strings. Bells. It’s a little creepy but also fun. Like mischievous creatures sneaking around after midnight.)

EMILY:

The Dragoning is produced by Messenger Theatre Company and written by Emily Rainbow Davis

The Dragoning Theme was composed by Scott Ethier

Sound design by Matt Powell

This episode featured Clare Stevenson as Alice.

Messenger Theatre Company is a not-for-profit organization and we are entirely reliant on your support.

This was our final episode. Join our mailing list to get up to date with future shows.

Stay safe out there everyone. And watch out for dragons.

(Music resolves.)

Season Two - Episode Nine - Transcript

Messenger Theatre Company presents Season Two of The Dragoning

Episode Nine: Fiona and Ashley

(The first few notes of the piano sound nice and theatre-y but then they start to deconstruct, a bit like a music box going awry. Strings come in. Men droning. Are they monks?)

EMILY:

Messenger Theatre Company presents

Season Two of The Dragoning

(lots of voices saying The Dragoning. The beat drops. There are some distorted strings or cries in rhythm.)

EMILY:

Episode Nine: Fiona and Ashley

(The music sputters out.)

(Door chime of a yarn shop)

Episode 9

FIONA

Thanks for meeting me here, Brent. I thought you might want to branch out on your yarn textures, too – now that you’re so good at crochet.

Oh yeah. Those are the super expensive ones. That is high end wool right there. You have good taste.

So – listen – the group was really not into the idea of you going public about your dragon girlfriend but the response in the public has been so good, even the naysayers have come around. I don’t think it’s going to do us anything but good.

Really? Why?

Sure – yeah – we all get a lot of kook calls. I’m sure they get them all the time.

What did they offer you?

I guess that’s something.

Where are you leaning?

I mean – I think they’re running scared. They wouldn’t bother trying to shake you down if there weren’t some value in you doing it.

Like, if it weren’t working – if it weren’t having an impact – they would not bother.

No. True. I bet they don’t mind about calls at all. But politicians do. And the ones in office will make the kinds of calls they can’t ignore as easily. I would take the temperature of the politicians in your district and feel out who might be in your corner. We’ll do some research, too.

I mean. We know some dragons in office. They may not be the best advocates for us – and you, though. They have too much to lose and they may not fight as hard as they could for dragons so as not to get outed. Sometimes it’s more important for us allies to do that kind of work.

I mean. Before there is any change, there has to be acceptance. The law follows the culture. No, seriously. A TV show is a great idea. Like – a really great idea. It doesn’t have to be a reality show.

Like, it doesn’t need to be real to make a change. A sitcom about life with a dragon might do just as well.

No. No. This campaign you’re on…it’s really going to help us, in the end, I think. Free one dragon, free them all. I mean the news from Dragon City is so dystopian for a lot of people here. We just hear about death and destruction. It’s so – like – yeah, what we needed was a love story out of Dragon City. Well done. I mean. You sold me. #FreeTheDragon, you know. I’ll buy a bumper sticker.

And previously, I’ve had to be relatively quiet about my support of the dragons.

I’ve had to be. Around here, until now, dragon support has been like…I don’t know. It would get you harassment and attacks. Now, I don’t know…like, I could wear a dragon t-shirt and I might get a thumbs up or an “I like your shirt” where before I’d just get glares and catcalls. That shift has happened so fast. I would never have imagined. It.

No, yeah, I do have a dragon t-shirt. Had it for years, long before the dragons emerged. I just liked dragons – I had no idea some of my best friends would become them. I used to wear that shirt all the time but I’d had to stop. So I’m grateful, you know. If only to put my favorite t-shirt back in rotation.

Yeah, it’s really soft and it hangs well. It’s just a really good shirt. You know how it is.

Yeah – so. We’re here for you if you need anything. And if you have to stop because of pressure from the government, let us know. Like, I say – it’s the politicians we need to appeal to at the moment. And there are allies there, for sure. You’re not alone in this. You don’t have to bear up under that pressure alone. Just…know that.

It probably feels like it’s just for Ashley and maybe you’re wondering if it’s worth it for a single girl/dragon that you don’t even know that well – but you should know it’s our community you’re fighting for, too. She’s not the only dragon here – even if the public only knows about a couple. There are a lot of us. I mean, I gave you some of those numbers. We do have bargaining power.

Yeah. I just thought you should know that. I know if it were me, I’d be tempted by someone offering me the choice between a big dream and possible trouble. Like. No one wants to be on the government’s shit list. I know. But you know – it’s not so bad. I speak from experience.

Oh yeah – well. I’m the public face of the Dragon Support Movement.

I’m a target.

No, it’s fine. We chose me on purpose for that.

We just knew my past was pretty clean and that the attacks would probably bounce off me in way that they might not the others. And I grew up living off the grid so I can always slip back into that life if I have to.

No? Move out into the woods and disappear for a while? It’s not that hard. And it’s kind of nice.

I don’t know. Just you and the wilderness, living close to nature in all its wildness and wonder. If you have a taste for it, it can give you a little sense of security to know you can always choose that way.

Honestly, I think you’re a little too into people to be able to handle the solitude. But I do know of a couple communities that fly under the radar. They might be right up your street.

Sure, I could take you there tomorrow if things got squirrely for you here.

No. I would. You’ve done so much for the movement already.

But listen, no, I’d rather you were here, making change the way you already are.

But just, as you roll along, if the government pressure gets too hot and you need to make an escape, you just let me know and we’re off. I’ll fetch you. And Ashley, if we can get her out.

I don’t know about the communities. I was there before the dragons manifested so I don’t know how that’s landed there. In my experience, they’re accepting of just about everyone so I imagine they’d be okay with her. You may just need to keep your distance, or she will – but that shouldn’t be too difficult. If there’s anyone who knows how to leave a person alone it’s the folks who’ve chosen to live off the grid. You say you don’t want to talk, they’ll nod and walk away. Most of them.

If I have to take you there, I’ll point out the ones that might be triggers for Ashley and you’ll just keep ‘em at a distance.

No, well, I’ve thought about it for a member of our community. I’ve got a lot of exit plans in case we end up with a Dragoning here and it doesn’t go well.

I can’t say whether the Dragoning in Dragon City went well or not. I mean – it went the only way it could have gone, you know? It was the first and nobody knew what was happening, not even the dragons.

It started here just a little bit later so our dragons knew what was happening and took quick steps to gain a little bit of control and anonymity.

Yeah – the smoothies were key.

Well – we have someone among us who suspected that this berry that’s been used in peace ceremonies for generations might quiet a dragon’s need to manifest.

Nah, it’s nothing magic, I don’t think. It’s just a bit like smoking a whole lot of weed, I suspect, so that the things that might fill you with the kind of rage or annoyance or whatever, just sort of cease to matter. It’s just like, getting a really big distance on someone or something.

Well, you know how it is from a plane – how the world below just looks tiny and inconsequential. You know there are problems down there but what do they have to with you?

Yeah, there are a lot of dragons who self medicate with weed, it’s true. The problem is that it’s hard to not seem stoned all the time. And if you’re a lawyer or whatever, you need to still be quick on the draw – you can’t be wading through the day like you’re at Woodstock.

Yeah – the berry just seems to target the rage response more than anything. I think of it as a perspective provider.

I hear you – I have mixed feelings about dampening the rage responses, too. Sometimes it’s called for. But how do you decide?

It’s very political. Of course.

Yep. You guessed it. There are deep divisions in the community on this topic for sure.

Most people drink the smoothies, really. It’s just – no one wants to be the dragon on the news who slaughtered the whole footie team or whatever. It’s just safer at the moment.

What an interesting perspective! Yeah – maybe we’ve been approaching this backwards. Certainly I like the idea of others having to worry about their safety instead of us. But look at what’s happened so far. The first public sighting of a dragon led to her imprisonment. It doesn’t feel very empowering, you know. These girls let loose just a little bit and the consequences could be catastrophic.

Yeah. No one’s afraid but us right now. It’s – a sort of funny contradiction. Here these ladies are – the most dangerous creatures on the planet - and they walk around afraid of discovery.

Starving? Oh, from the lack of fear.

Huh. Yeah. They probably are.

That’s true. Everyone did seem a bit more…peaceful after they spent some time with you. Thank you for feeding the dragons!

We’re lucky we found you.

No you did not. A bar? Get out of here. People actually still meet in bars? And what was she doing in a bar without one of our smoothies?

Control how?

Just like  – regular control control? Wow. That’s risky. You’re lucky you’re alive to tell the tale.

What do you mean? What’s the other half of it?

Oh. No. You can’t say, I know. But I’d wager she almost got you? Am I close?

Fear, huh? That explains why you give off so much of it, I guess.

No. It’s good. It’s so good. I mean like you say, our dragons are starving. I hadn’t thought of it like that.

I mean we’ve just been trying to keep the peace. That’s all. Peace and control. But maybe that’s not all it’s cracked up to be. Maybe we release the dragons.

I mean your one single dragon in lock up stops being so dang significant to the authorities if the streets are full of them. Am I right?

No. No. It’s something to think about, for sure. Something to think about.

We’ve all got something to think about I guess.

Those are your yarns of choice? Nice. Some of my favorites. That green is so soft, too. Let’s go up front and ask her which hooks you need. 

*

(Dragon roars)

(Sound of street traffic and a door opening.)

ASHLEY

You did it. You actually did it. Unreal. I am the luckiest dragon in the land. In all the land.

Ha. As far as they know I’m the only dragon in the land!

No. Sure, except for those other two they know about.

I can’t wait to see the country.

No sure. Yes. We do have to be under constant surveillance. Sure. Yes. That’s not ideal. For sure. But I’m Free! I can touch you! I can hug you! This is the best in the whole world.

Thank you. The dragon is free.

Well, the girl is. And the dragon may be underground for some time.

I’ll have to – um…get a smoothie asap.

I’ve missed – um – smoothies so much. I should probably have them lined up in the fridge.

No, really? You already got me some? That’s so sweet.

Oh! I’ll have to thank them. Who would have thought a knitting group would be so thoughtful!

What do you mean? Why would they slow down on drinking their smoothies?

Ohhhh. Yeah. To be…yeah. Free to just drink whatever you like. You have to take a little break from smoothies to know how they feel.

I mean. Right. Right.

Sorry. Had to hug you again. I can’t believe how much I have wanted to do that. I mean – the absence of touch. It’s – rough.

Those guys in there behaved like dragons were contagious. Like if they touched me, they’d turn dragon – or burst into flames.

I mean. I suppose if one of them touched me they might have burst into flames, true. Maybe not spontaneous combustion flames but flames, none the less.

Sorry. I’m a hugging monster now. No more dragon – I am now a hugging monster. Watch out!

She strikes again!

And again!

Oh, you don’t even want to know what will happen to you when the hugging monster gets you alone in a private space.

Oh, the destruction is going to be severe. You better believe it.

And she strikes again!

I can’t believe you got me out! I mean. You did it!

No – the hashtag did not get me out you did.

Oh. With the hashtag. Who knew that publicity would be the answer?

Sure. Yeah the publicity people would, for sure know.

Or at least they’d hope, I guess. They hoped publicity could save me – and it did! The dragon is free! Ish! Free-ish is better than no amount of free, that is all I can say for sure. To be even just a tiny bit free is better than no amount of free.

Argh! Here comes the hug monster!

No, no. I haven’t seen any of the shows I bet you were amazing. I mean – the results speak for themselves. You were amazing.

No really. I am so very lucky to have you. And grateful.

Good thing I didn’t eat you, huh? Boy would I be in trouble now if I’d done that!

No, no. My self control is OUT OF SIGHT now. My practice in there was so good, man. So good. I’m not even worried about the guys with the fire extinguisher and cattle prods who will be following us everywhere from now on. They will have no reason to use any of their tools.

Yeah, they’re behind us to the left.

God, don’t look at them! Goodness gracious. We’re going to have to work on your self-control as well, it would seem.

Well, they’re probably not much to look at. I haven’t looked at them myself.

Oh – uh – I

Yeah (sniff)

Guys like that are very distinctive.

Might be tasty on the inside but that’s a lot of gear to chew through and most dragons wouldn’t bother with all that.

Oh no – they’re very torchable. Very very torchable.

Oh, probably they do have fireproof gear. It’s not likely to save them, though.

No, they tried that back home – but – it’s a little bit ugly. I don’t really like to think about it. Let’s talk about something nicer! Is our friend from the Silver Pitcher still here? How is he doing?

I’d like to get a drink with him sometime, if it doesn’t compromise his position.

I imagine it might be risky. And not everybody can handle Smokey and the Bandit back there.

No. I have no idea what the references either. It’s something my brother used to call any shady looking characters back in the day.

I mean – have you ever seen a more likely Smokey and the Bandit than those two?

I mean, you saw them, I didn’t. But I can imagine.

Let’s get on out of here.

This hug monster needs to get all her hugs out on you, stat. Let Smokey and the Bandit roll how they may.

(Dragon Roar)

*

(Dragoning theme credit music begins. Strings. Bells. It’s a little creepy but also fun. Like mischievous creatures sneaking around after midnight.)

EMILY:

The Dragoning is produced by Messenger Theatre Company and written by Emily Rainbow Davis

The Dragoning Theme was composed by Scott Ethier

Sound design by Matt Powell

This episode featured Mischa Ipp as Fiona and Emily Hartford as Ashley.

Messenger Theatre Company is a not-for-profit organization and we are entirely reliant on your support.

Thank you in advance for making our next episode possible.

Stay safe out there everyone. And watch out for dragons.

(Music resolves.)

Season Two - Episode Eight - Transcript

Messenger Theatre Company presents Season Two of The Dragoning

Episode Eight: Amanda, Paul and Alice

(The first few notes of the piano sound nice and theatre-y but then they start to deconstruct, a bit like a music box going awry. Strings come in. Men droning. Are they monks?)

EMILY:

Messenger Theatre Company presents

Season Two of The Dragoning

(lots of voices saying The Dragoning. The beat drops. There are some distorted strings or cries in rhythm.)

EMILY:

Episode Eight: Amanda, Paul and Alice

(The music sputters out.)

(Sound of a TV studio in full bustle)

Episode 8

AMANDA

Brent! You were amazing. You were built for TV. My office has already texted me twenty times raving about you and expressing their total jealousy that I snapped you up as my client before they could.

We are going to get Ashley out, I fully believe it. You’ve got the magic touch.

Oh, yeah. I will be getting a promotion at my office, no doubt. They love a self starter over there. But I have a dream client so…

No. Really. It’s impossible to kick off something this ambitious without someone who’s really onboard and has the skill to work the media. And you can work the media, Brent. Are you sure you’ve never done this before?

Do you need anything? How’re you doing after all that? You feel good?

You absolutely should.

Good. So We’re going to hit a few more shows while we’re here in this building.

They’ll space out their airing of course – and we’ll want it to seem like different days, which is why I had you bring those changes of clothes. We can’t have you making the rounds in the same shirt – that is a big faux pas.

No, no. You’re doing so well. You’ve got our three points down and you’re a natural. I do not want to tell you even one more thing. You’ve just got to let your instinct be your guide out there.

Listen buddy, you’re charming and all you gotta do is charm whomever you’re talking to and slide in some stories about your charming girlfriend and let them know what a sweetheart she is.

That’s what you’re already doing and literally all we need to do is give you the space to keep doing that.

Oh don’t worry about telling the same stories. These shows all have different audiences and even if someone were to see all of them, they’re going to be used to hearing similar stories in all those different spots.

Do you WATCH TV Brent? Ever see a celebrity make the talk show rounds? They’re telling the same stories over and over, too. But listen – if you’ve got more in you – by all means share them. There’s nothing that would help us more than having one of those stories catch fire on the internet. If you happen to hit on one that strikes the public…all the better. Can we guarantee such a thing? Nope. But if we expand out – sure – we get more chances you’ll hit on one that’ll fly. Wait -  can dragons fly?

No, right. Of course not.

Flying might be scary for the people in the end anyway.

So yeah. Just – let your instincts guide you. Instinct. Instinct. Instinct.

No – you know what’s nuts, Brent? The more you seem like the World’s Greatest Boyfriend, the more ladies will like you and want you to be their boyfriend – even though it’s obvious you’re taken. It is the gloriously weird boyfriend’s law.

Oh, yes. Boyfriend’s law. Make your client the perfect boyfriend then all the ladies will want him for a boyfriend. It’s a thing. A weird thing. But a thing.

I mean – didn’t you ever find someone more attractive when they were taken? Like, you weren’t into them and then they started going out with someone else and you were like…hmmmm. How did I miss that before?

It’s a little bit that – and also – so many men are such junk that when ladies see one who treats his lady well, they cannot help but find him immensely attractive.

It’s a great selling point for us. Because part of our story here is you and how you’ve got this great girlfriend who just happens to be a dragon and the more charming you are, the more charming they’re bound to find her. I mean, you chose her – so she must be great.

No. No. Honestly – no. It almost never works like that with women. Men will be jealous like that – women are unlikely to want to pursue vengeance against woman because they like her man. It’s not usually how this dynamic works.

And listen – don’t worry about that brunch with your ex. Paul explained that he set you guys up to do that for him so he could get closer to me. So I know what was going on there – so I don’t think you’re a bad boyfriend or anything.

No, yeah, he’s sweet. I appreciate the lengths he went to.

Good. Good. So. We’re headed up to the 11th floor now. We’ll have you change when we get to their dressing room for you. And just do as you did for this last one. You’ll be amazing. Again. 11th floor, here we come!

*

(Dragon roars)

(Bar stool being pulled out. Drinks set down. Sports bar sound)

*

PAUL

That was you – on the TV. You got yourself on TV! Or, I guess, technically, my new girlfriend got you on the TV

She’s great, huh? What a dazzler. Thanks for being her client, man. It’s really helping her out. And she’s on a real high – which benefits me, too, you know. So. #FreeTheDragon all the way.

But why didn’t you tell me you were still seeing the dragon?

Sorry – Ashley.

No – I get it. I get it. Gotta keep the girlfriend safe. Makes sense.

I’m glad to know now, though. Along with everyone else in the country. Maybe even the world.

No, man. It’s just that my new girlfriend, who we BOTH just met, knew your business before I did. Like – long before.

No. No. I know. I know. Sorry man.

I think I like this girl now and it’s making me very sensitive, you know?

Wait, what? Keeping me safe? Why would I need to be kept safe?

From your girlfriend?

Oh, because she’s a dragon, right.

I’m not afraid.

What do you mean that’s why you have to protect me?

Because what?

Oh, because I’m not afraid.

And I should be. I see.

Well man, I don’t really know what fear is – at least not since I was a little kid and afraid of the dark. I mean – that’s why I do all those stunts – like the sky diving and bungee jumping and everything – so I can really feel some classic fear.

I’m not, like, afraid of those things, though, I just get an amazing dose of adrenaline.

You’re saying that’s a liability with the dragons.

A big one? How?

Having no fear makes a dragon hungry. Huh. Okay. Very weird – but okay.

I mean – you should know. You’ve been to Dragon City. You’ve got yourself a dragon girlfriend. You’re the expert here.

No. No. It’s fine, man. You do the traveling, you get the info – that’s how it works. But this fear idea sounds a little cuckoo to me.

What do they do, smell fear?

Like a dog?

No. It smells good to them?

What other ways?

What sort of vibe?

Like a sixth sense or some shit?

Right. Okay.

What do you mean?

Like – okay. Late at night. I’m behind some chick.

I guess? Like – why would she be scared of me? I’m a nice guy.

She’s gotta give me a chance.

Don’t Oh Paul Me.

Boy – fresh converts are always the worst, aren’t they?

Just – so zealous.

No, dude. I don’t know why you said, “Oh, Paul.” Clue me in, O wise one.

Man. I don’t want feminism 101.

That’s not for me. Just tell me what you meant.

That’s funny because you know I really do like sharks.

No – they won’t all eat you. Most of them wouldn’t, actually.

No man, I’d paddle away, stat. Get in the water with a shark? Not without an extensive evaluation of risks – until I knew EXACTLY what kind of shark it was.

Men are like sharks to women? Huh?

Some women do like sharks. Not a lot – but some do.

I know what a metaphor is. I’m not an idiot.

Okay. Okay. A woman sees me coming up behind her on a dark street, she just has to assume I’m a shark.

Right. And she won’t know I’m not a man eating shark without extensive evaluation – which she absolutely has no time or interest in late at night.

I guess that makes sense, in a way, but most men aren’t sharks, dude, you know that.

Well yeah – not to us. Not to anyone. They’re not sharks. I’m not a shark. You’re not a shark.

Metaphor. Metaphor. Okay. Right. All men are sharks but not all men are the man-eating kind but women can’t tell the difference from the outset – so they have to assume we’re all man-eaters.

Now don’t go introducing a complication – what do you mean some of them develop an instinct?

Oh, lord. Yes, of course – my buddy Steve – my women friends are always telling me to leave him at home. He’s perfectly nice but they’re always like, “I don’t know, Paul, I just get a bad feeling about him.”

Well, he’s never done anything to me.

No, I guess you’re right. He wouldn’t, would he? Sharks only eat women.

Fine. Fine. I get it. Can we talk about the footie now?

No, I didn’t see that game either. Hell – what’s happened to us, Brent? Who have we become?

Nah. Nah. I’m cool. We’re cool. It’s all cool, dude.

Let’s hit that ping pong table downstairs.

(Dragon Roar)

(Sound of car in motion. A  computer voice says “Incoming call from Alice Dwyer”)

ALICE

Well, Brent – you’re really in it now, huh? Just jumping into the ocean with all your feet.

There’s no law against the sort of thing you’re up to. Not yet anyway. You can say what you like, go where you like.

No. You’re right. My bosses do not like it. We like to keep things quiet and what you’re up to is not very quiet Brent.

And they’re not too keen on you trying to free the prisoner – but it’s not against the law.

We can’t stop you, Brent. We might like to. We might want to. You’re making things sticky for us and it’s not easy for anyone now. The phone calls we’re getting, Brent. The phone calls. I don’t know if you’ve ever been the target for a PR campaign but it’s not pleasant, Brent. We get a lot of cuckoos who somehow find our numbers. And cuckoos who want to free dragons are a whole new brand of cuckoo that we’re seeing.

Is there any way we could convince you to leave off this campaign?

You know we can’t do that, Brent.

There are a lot of reasons.

Number one would be the international incident that would surely happen.

You don’t think so?

You think a dragon can just walk around free in this country without causing an international incident?

You’re right. Granted. We have already had an international incident. We’re just trying to avoid another one, Brent. One was plenty and this is a damn mess already. But she gets released? Oh we’ve got an even bigger one.

Listen. We can make things go well for you or we can make them go badly.

No. Not a threat. Just a statement of fact. You want a TV show? Is that what this is about? We have a lot of people who would like a recommendation from us, you know.

So if a TV show is what you’re after here…we can do that.

I appreciate you want to free your girlfriend. I’m sure I’d feel the same if I were in your shoes. But – you have to know that this is going to fail either way and it can either fail now and you can get something you want or it can fail later after you’ve been chewed up and digested by the media. It’s really up to you what you prefer.

You think we don’t get a lot of calls from kooks in other circumstances? We get calls from kooks every day all day no matter what the season. This sort of thing just sort of changes the context.

You could. You could see this conversation as evidence your little campaign is working. Or you could see it as a friendly hand to a drowning man.

I mean. Did you think we wouldn’t notice? We are watching you, Brent. We’ve been watching you. We decided not to prosecute you but we could change our minds. We’ve got heat, Brent, and we could turn it up. I’m just keeping you up to date.

No. We don’t love the media, Brent. Not most of the time. On occasion, they can help us out with this or that – but for the most part it’s a real nuisance.

You know, the extra phone calls and such.

No, you’re right. I personally never hear those calls. Our screener plays us recordings of the kookiest – just for fun – but I don’t personally answer the phone.

No, like I say, we’re not lacking for kook calls any time of year. It’s not heat on us. I personally do not care what you do.

Well, you may find that there are politicians who DO care what you do – because they DO care what the kooks say when they call their offices. And those folks – well…let’s say their ethics are not always in line with ours. You know?

Nope. Just the facts. Just the facts. I don’t want to see you get hurt just because you want to get your girlfriend out of confinement. I’ve taken a little shine to you, sure. You’ve helped us out. You gave us some perspective on what may be coming for us here. I want what’s best for you. I sympathize. And I worry.

Right. So. Have a think about it. You know how to reach me if you need a hand in extracting yourself.

(Dragon Roar)

*

(Dragoning theme credit music begins. Strings. Bells. It’s a little creepy but also fun. Like mischievous creatures sneaking around after midnight.)

EMILY:

The Dragoning is produced by Messenger Theatre Company and written by Emily Rainbow Davis

The Dragoning Theme was composed by Scott Ethier

Sound design by Matt Powell

This episode featured Rhiannon Moushall as Amanda, Conrad Le Bron as Paul and Clare Stevenson as Alice.

Messenger Theatre Company is a not-for-profit organization and we are entirely reliant on your support.

Thank you in advance for making our next episode possible.

Stay safe out there everyone. And watch out for dragons.

(Music resolves.)

Season Two - Episode Seven - Transcript

Messenger Theatre Company presents Season Two of The Dragoning

Episode Seven: Ashley and Fiona

(The first few notes of the piano sound nice and theatre-y but then they start to deconstruct, a bit like a music box going awry. Strings come in. Men droning. Are they monks?)

EMILY:

Messenger Theatre Company presents

Season Two of The Dragoning

(lots of voices saying The Dragoning. The beat drops. There are some distorted strings or cries in rhythm.)

EMILY:

Episode Seven: Ashley and Fiona

(The music sputters out.)

(Prison cell buzzes open)

Episode 7

ASHLEY

Wow. Hi. This is becoming, like, a regular thing. How nice to see you.

Okay. News. Great. Hit me with the news.

Wait. What?

So she’s saying if we hire her, she can get a publicity campaign going that might get me out of this place?

Sure. Yeah. Of course – there’d be no guarantees. I could just walk around out there free? Gosh.

I mean. Yeah. Public pressure is a powerful force.

But it could backfire, couldn’t it?

Like, I don’t know, some dragon hate groups could form up and start pushing for execution or something.

Right. I guess this is why this is not an obvious solution.

Really? Back home, too? Right. So if we’re both already known, it might actually make sense to take control of the narrative.

I mean – until the hashtag works and the dragon is actually free, you’d have to be out there on your own. How do you feel about that?

Me? I trust you with my life. I mean. I already have trusted you with my life – so I have actual evidence that you have my back in a big way.

Well – at the moment, I can’t get out to speak for myself – so you speaking for me is the next best thing.

I think that the fact that you’re a man will help us, actually.

Well – just that they’ll trust you more.

I mean – The Dragoning hasn’t even happened here – not like back home. I mean – there’s a dragon in the country. C’est moi. And they told me two others let loose with some fire recently so they know dragons are coming.  And – uh….if the rumors are true then there’s a whole bunch of hometown dragons here already but just super chilled out. But that’s not really The Dragoning, is it? That’s just some dragons in a place.

Until folks really take on board that any woman they see might be a dragon, The Dragoning is still to come.

Yeah, to me, The Dragoning wasn’t so much the moment when women became dragons, it was the moment when we all realized we were living in a world where any woman could be a dragon that the whole city turned upside down. It’s when men stopped going out at night. It’s when they started buying their groceries from all male delivery services. It’s when women started going running late at night. It’s when the fear tipped from the hearts of women into men. That’s The Dragoning. Not ladies who spit fire occasionally.

Right. Sorry. That’s what I was trying to explain. It’s that even before The Dragoning, people believed men more than women. They thought they were more trustworthy.

So you go on TV and explain that I’m actually a human person and not an indiscriminate beast, and people will believe you. Whereas if I went on – they’d think I was a liar – even if I wasn’t a dragon.

No, yeah. Women, too. We’ve all been drinking the same Kool-Aid our whole lives – men, women. Women trust women just as little as men do.

No, no, obviously not all women.

I don’t know. We talked about it in my DA meetings but it’s like…I guess all of us learn to be skeptical about what women say and just tend to assume men know what they’re talking about.

Like, well, there was some statistic, some study, where people trusted a news reading man more than a news reading woman by some weirdly huge margin. Some women make it past the exception bar – but – when given a choice – the majority will trust the information out of the man’s mouth first.

I mean. I don’t know. How will dragonhood impact that? Will we be believed any more now that we can roast our enemies? I wouldn’t think so. But maybe it will matter less because the fear is so extreme.

Like – women have generally feared men all this time but that didn’t stop the majority from trusting them anyway. So I’m thinking there may be some weird push/pull relationship between fear and trust.

Like, do we trust our fear and therefore trust that which we fear?

Ha! Ha! Yeah, that’s me – Ashley the Philosopher. Just give me a PhD now.

Just hanging out behind glass thinking great thoughts. That’s me. It’s a hard job but someone had to do it.

Yeah. I think we should. Yes. I’ll sign whatever paperwork if they’ll let it through – though I’m skeptical that they’d let it through. I mean – they really want to control the narrative themselves – they just can’t decide what they want that to be.

Maybe what we need to do is have you go out solo – do your magic – and I can sign whatever and join you once your magic has done its thing.

Ha. Yeah. They probably will think you’re actually magic.

Yes. Because you ARE! Shhhhh. We can’t reveal your secret magic powers in here, they’ll seize you, too!

No – you’re right. These people are so credulous, they will probably take you in just on the off chance that we weren’t joking around.

I guess once you have to accept the existence of dragons, it all becomes possible.

No – you’re right. Dragons aren’t magic. There’s a science to it, we just don’t understand it yet.

But yeah. I wish there were magic, too – and that you had some of it. What would you do with magic if you had it?

Awww. Thanks. I’d free you, too. Oh wait. That’s silly. You’re not locked up! But if you were and I had magic, I would free you.

And what else?

You can use your magic for whatever you want. Isn’t that the point of it?

Oh yeah. I mean – sure – would you use it for yourself or for the greater good? That’s a good question.

Oh, me? I’d want to use it for the greater good but I’d actually just use it for myself and feel really guilty about it.

See – we do have stuff in common! So what magic would you do for yourself?

Flying is always a fun choice. I’d like to fly, too.

No – I’m not a flying dragon. None of us are.

Yeah but you’ve seen those wings; they’re not really flight worthy. They’re sort of like, decorative. And they’re expressive.

No, actually. They do do more than that, you’re right.

They act like a sort of ventilation system.

Well, you put a lot of fire in a place, there’s going to be smoke and the way smoke is, it pretty much goes wherever it wants – so if you don’t want a face full of smoke, you flap those wings and it’ll tend to waft in the other direction.

I know from experience, yes.

Is that weird to hear? I’m sorry. It’s just – you’re curious, I like to share and my defenses are down with you so I sometimes don’t stop to think how some facts might impact you.

Right. And then I immediately DO think about how it might impact you and then I worry. That’s the cycle.

Okay good. Good. That’s good to know.

Right. You WANT to know things. You get a kick out of new information.

Is that why you like to travel so much, do you think?

Yeah. It is hard to know why any of us like the stuff we like. I couldn’t even begin to explain to you why I like Busby Berkely musicals so much, I just do.

No, there’s nothing I’m really afraid to tell you.

Sure – just, like, stuff I protect you from.

I would. But I don’t really want to share with our overlords if you know what I mean. Eventually, we’ll get all the secrets out and there’ll be nothing left to be curious about!

No, no, of course I am endlessly fascinating. Of course. I am a font of fascination.

Really? Who?

The doorman at your hotel…oh! Wow. I did not even put that together! I still think of him as the guy who worked in the missing person’s department. I didn’t even, for a second, think about his current day job.

Former! Really.

What’s he doing now? Did he quit school? What’s happening?

Oh. I see. Right – sure. A private gig related to his school work. Cool. Cool.

That’s awesome. Man – dreams can come true, I guess. Not mine, obviously – but some do!

No. No. I will not mope. My dreams were likely tanked before I ever set foot in this place so I cannot fall into a hole of despair.

No. I do have to work really hard not to sink into total discouragement in here, it’s true. It’s not, like…uplifting in here, you know?

Well – the good news is that I get a lot of practice at not dragoning out.

Because it is NOT dragon friendly in here. If I dragon up – I end up pressed into walls and furniture and it is not comfortable.

Not at all. So I try to control it and I’m successful a lot of the time.

No, what’s funny is – a lot of the guys they bring in here… they WANT them to trigger me but when they try to trigger me, I just find it hilarious. It’s the unintentional asshole-ness that can trip me up. But otherwise – I’m getting good.

It’s not how I would have chosen to practice but I’m trying to look on the bright side.

Right! Like those guys in prisons who get super jacked up and strong because they’ve got nothing to do but work out. I’m, like, dragon jacked up. I guess.

No – because ultimately I would like to be able to control it. Like – dragoning out in a café is not a great way to win friends and influence people. Though certainly, I quickly influence them to be afraid of me – which is sort of fun in a weird way – but we’re not going to hang out after that. After that, they’re going to run and while I might enjoy getting to drink my coffee without some asshole horning in on my space, I’m not sure my favorite cafes would stay open if I ate one of their customers.

No, no, entirely hypothetically, of course, of course.

I’m just saying – if I could figure out how to check the transformation before it starts, I’d be back in the driver’s seat in a way that I would appreciate. For a lot of reasons.

Honestly, it’s probably more dangerous in places that aren’t Dragon City.

Exactly. Because of the fear.

Right. They’ve learned to be afraid there – whereas here – the balance has not yet shifted and all the douchebags all still think they’re somehow immune because they’ve been immune to all previous challenges – if they were even aware of the challenges in the first place.

I don’t know. I think of this sort of shitty event that happened in my home state a few years ago. All these guys were like, “I’d like to see them try that here.” As if they would be parading the streets with baseball bats or something.

And when The Dragoning first started – there was a lot of posturing. Just, like, so much. “I’d like to see some dragon try and eat me.” Sort of stuff. And this may be uncouth to say – but most of those guys got their wish. They did see some dragon try to eat them. And succeeded, too. And that’s the thing they saw. Anyway – I thinks this country is still in the “I’d like to see them try to eat me” mode.

Right. Guys in Dragon City know better than to tempt the fates like that.

But. Even so. I’m getting so much control now – I think I could go to a mall and not cause another international incident.

If only they would let me out to try.

Well – it’s good news for us, too. You and me.

Yeah. Because the more control I have, the safer you are with me. So these guys are doing me a favor. A shitty favor. A favor I’d prefer another way of receiving – like at a class or something instead…but still. A favor.

Or maybe it’s just a freaking silver lining.

Positive Thinking Dragon! Pollyanna Dragon! Blue Skies Dragon!

I try. I try. I really do try.

I mean, yeah, that sort of thing does come naturally to me but I also have to work at it in circumstances like this, you know? It’s not like I actually think being locked up is great.

But – it is better than being dead – which I might have been at home – were it not for some very heroic people.

See? I can do it. I can stay cheerful. No problem.

Bright Side Dragon. Always Sunny Ashley.

(Sound of cell opening)

No. You’re right. It does suck in here. I wish I were out. And maybe I will be soon.

Go forth with my blessings. Hashtag Free the Dragon.

Thank you.

(Banging)

No, he’s going. Thank you, officer. We see you.

Thank you.

And thank you.

*

(Dragon roars)

(Sound of ice in a glass. The patio.)

FIONA

Thank you again for your help at the convention. It ended up being a real lark of a night and you really managed those sales group guys in the lobby.

Well – we were worried at first when they started off making fun of you. Like, would that put  you off your game, your task…but, it was like judo what you did. You took the way they were making fun of you and turned it around on them. And you got them to try knitting! I swear, if we hadn’t had important things to figure out, we could have watched you distracting those guys all night.

No, yeah, we did. Thank you. We’re going to roll out our plan very soon. Now what do you want to talk to me about?

Oh. Interesting. Self reporting? To the government? It seems risky.

Okay. Right. Just a couple of locations. Un-confirmed data, no identity.

Sure – yeah. The thing is – and I can see why this might be useful to explore – a lot of the dragons are having to work a little harder to keep things in check, as it were. So – like, preventing discrimination against us and preventing a lot of needless death would be pretty good.

I guess we’re wondering, can we have a dragoning without the loss of so much life? So far, we’re doing pretty well and before they start locking local dragons up, they should know that we’re actually managing things pretty well.

Sure – yeah. I’ll take it to the council – see what they say.

Sure – what else?

Oh huh. Interesting.

Free the dragon campaign.

I mean. We did discuss having a PR person ourselves. It is, essentially, a PR problem, I suppose. How to ready the public for the dragons’ presence.

If we can turn things around for Ashley – who everyone already knows is a man-eating liability, the rest of the dragons are in a much more secure position. She’ll be like our advance man.

Right – I guess technically you’re the advance man for her and that ultimately might help the rest. Or it could backfire. We don’t know.

Well, it’s tricky – because we don’t want a mess like Dragon City ended up with – but at the same time, we’re not uninterested in some of the changes in circumstances they have there.

I mean – they turned the world upside down. There are a lot of us who are very interested in that upside down world. Could dragons rule this city? Could women? How about this country? I don’t know if we stand a chance if we don’t set a lot of things on fire first. So one of the big debates among the dragons here is – can we have a peaceful hand-off? A smooth change. A frictionless transition. A lot of the dragons say no – that nothing will really change without a fight while the others want to control themselves and adapt the world slowly.

It’s the age old feminist struggle, really – you’ve got the radicals and the liberals. They both want change but some want it fast and some want it slow.

No? Well it’s not always clear. I always thought of myself as a slow change liberal feminist, happy to make incremental shifts – but then I woke up one day ready to burn it all down. Life takes you to funny places. I guess you know that better than a lot of people.

Yeah – so. I’ll talk to the committee and see what they say. But just – you know – we know you’re not beholden to us. You’re a friend of the dragons, like me – but your strategy has to serve you first. And if we don’t agree – we – well – it’s just a thing where we don’t all agree all the time.

I just feel like it’s important that you know that, that you recognize your own agency in this situation, because you are one person. Or maybe one person and one dragon, depending  -  and we are a lot more than that. You’re nimble in a way that an organization like ours can never be. I wouldn’t want you to not take advantage of that nimbleness. Yeah. You don’t need our approval. Remember that – in case you don’t get it.

I mean, even Ashley is not part of our organization. She’s our guest. We welcome her with us as an honorary member – but ultimately if she’s part of any group, it isn’t us. So you two need to do what you have to do to look after the two of you. I’m not saying we don’t have your best interests at heart – but we do have competing strategies and competing ideologies. So…I just think it may be important for you to keep that in mind.

Yeah. Sure. It’s my pleasure.

And thank you again for your help with the conference. It made a big difference. And it is good for a lot of the dragons to see a man being helpful and supportive of our cause.

No, because there are many in the group who see no point in men whatsoever. Some don’t see why anyone ever bothered. Some were metaphorically burned by some man or two or three or four. Some are just tired. But they’re all part of a subgroup that really doesn’t see the point of men.

Oh, they joke – you know, “I’ve got one of those sticky pads that open jars for me. Why would I keep a man around?”

You don’t know those? They give them out at conferences and that – just, like a rubbery thing about the size of a cocktail napkin that you put over a jar lid to help you open it.

Oh because they print stuff on them – like the name of your company or organization. You could put a hashtag on it, I’d guess, yes. You can print whatever you like.

#FreeTheDragon jar openers. I’m into it. Sell ‘em or give ‘em away at events.

It’d cost you, I’m sure. It’s not cheap to have stuff made. But it might help, who knows.

Oh and the Knitting Orchids – the arm of it that does a lot of actual knitting, are meeting at a bar this weekend. They asked me to let you know you’re invited. Could be a little bit of a lark.

No, it’s not in an official capacity. I mean, of course it couldn’t hurt – but they thought you were getting the hang of it so you might enjoy a knitting gathering – especially knowing that you’ve taught all those guys.

Yeah, I’ll send you the details. We’ll check back in about PR and everything – but I think we’re all clear.

Thanks, Brent. See you soon.

(Dragon Roar)

*

(Dragoning theme credit music begins. Strings. Bells. It’s a little creepy but also fun. Like mischievous creatures sneaking around after midnight.)

EMILY:

The Dragoning is produced by Messenger Theatre Company and written by Emily Rainbow Davis

The Dragoning Theme was composed by Scott Ethier

Sound design by Matt Powell

This episode featured Emily Hartford as Ashley and Mischa Ipp as Fiona.

Messenger Theatre Company is a not-for-profit organization and we are entirely reliant on your support.

Thank you in advance for making our next episode possible.

Stay safe out there everyone. And watch out for dragons.

(Music resolves.)

Season Two - Episode Six - Transcript

Messenger Theatre Company presents Season Two of The Dragoning

Episode Six: Amanda and Willie

(The first few notes of the piano sound nice and theatre-y but then they start to deconstruct, a bit like a music box going awry. Strings come in. Men droning. Are they monks?)

EMILY:

Messenger Theatre Company presents

Season Two of The Dragoning

(lots of voices saying The Dragoning. The beat drops. There are some distorted strings or cries in rhythm.)

EMILY:

Episode Six: Amanda and Willie

(The music sputters out.)

(Sound of a wine bar. Some atmospheric jazz in the background. A wine glass on the table.)

Episode 6

AMANDA

I was delighted to get your call. And also a little bit surprised. You seemed pretty dead set against the idea before. What changed your mind?

Ah. Yes – I suppose it might be possible it would help get Ashley released if we get you guys the right sort of publicity.

No, no, I understand. Just informational. Just investigation. I think that’s very wise. One has to get all the information before one can make any kind of sensible decision. I agree wholeheartedly.

Right. So, yes. I’ve spoken with my bosses. Usually we take on people like yourselves separately. We’d want to take you on with a separate contract for Ashley, even if your interests are exactly the same.

It is a bit tricky with her in custody. If she were in regular prison, it’d be no trouble – we have mechanisms in place to address that – but this is a little stickier because no one knows where she is.

Oh! You do. You’ve been in touch with her, I see. That’s why you’re re-thinking this, I see. You guys are exploring how you might build a career out of this mess. I get it entirely.

Right. So here’s what I think might be a strategy for you guys. We take you on the circuit. We get you talking about what a sweetheart she is, how she never meant to hurt anyone and maybe we get a Free the Dragon campaign going. I mean, - no one’s capturing the dragons in Dragon City, right?

They live free and happy, right?

Okay, most of them. But – yeah. I think if we can somehow set up a sort of competitive thing – and you know Free the Dragon just lends itself so beautifully to a hashtag. I think it would be VERY popular. Well - my hope is that I can negotiate with my agency that if I bring you guys on, with a whole campaign already in place, they’ll let me represent you. That’s good for you because you two would be my only clients so I would give you everything and good for me to start spreading my wings there.

No, it’s just a percentage of whatever you bring in. It’s like a commission on whatever gigs I can find you. It’s not the normal way we do things there but my agency is up for experimenting with this sort of agent/PR model.

Well, you know I’m hungry for the gig. There’s a lot of juice in that and you’d have the benefit of all the support of more experienced agents, who’d be advising me the whole time.

You wouldn’t have to do anything you did not explicitly want to do. There may be things that I would advise you to do that you might find distasteful at first and I may try to talk you into them but it’s always up to you what you are willing to do, what will suit your needs.

Yeah? Well. I’m tickled. Truly. You talk to Ashley.

I’ll talk to my agency and if you can make a deal – let’s do it!

(Wine glasses cheersing)

(Dragon roars)

(Coffee shop sounds)

WILLIE

This is surreal, man. Surreal. Last time I saw you, you were rolling your suitcase out the front door of the hotel and now here we are at the world’s quaintest coffee shop in your native country. I would never have predicted it.

Life is funny that way, isn’t it?

Oh, it’s going pretty well, actually. And thank you again for getting me the hook up on this gig. It’s better than I could have possibly imagined. I mean, I’m still in school.

They’re supportive, actually. I think they recognize what an opportunity this is and also that the rules tend to get shaky when disaster looms.

They might, yeah. I think we all wish we’d been more prepared when The Dragoning hit us. If our experience can help others – that’s a good thing.

And look at you, right at the center of The Dragoning happening here! How did you manage that?

Sure. Yeah. I get it. Better to keep your cards close to your chest in this situation.

Oh. Right. You were traveling with a dragon. You got a thing for dragons? I mean – I saw you after your first dragon attack – you were in rough shape.

But. Ashley. I couldn’t believe when they showed her picture on the news, sweet little Ashley! My friend Ashley! A dragon!

Wait. I’m just putting this together. Was she the dragon who got you that first night?

Right. You don’t want to say. I got it. You didn’t tell me and I don’t know anything.

Man. Now I realize – Ashley…

But if I’m right – and I know you can’t tell me – but if I’m right, you went home with her, she dragoned up and you went out with her again the next night!  You got guts, man. Guts.

I mean. I get it. If I’m right. Of course. She’s the sweetest. If she asked me to risk my life, I might do it, too. She’s like that. I get it.

Right. Right. You didn’t know she was a dragon when you got on that plane with her. I understand. There can be no wavering on that point – because you’d be under fire for knowingly bringing a dangerous element in the country.

Right. And you want to make sure you don’t get those conspiracy charges, my man.

Don’t you worry. I’ll keep my little theories to myself. Especially around government types.

Nah, man. They haven’t asked and I haven’t felt the need to give them a list of my friends. But I would love to get a word of support to her if you know how.

Really? They let you visit her?

For real? Wow. Well – just tell her I wish her well. I mean – in whatever safe way there is to do that. It would probably do none of us any good to make the connection obvious to the authorities.

I mean. Ashley. Who would have thought, you know?

But that’s what’s so tricky about this, isn’t it. It’s ALWAYS the ones you least suspect. Always. And yet your brain can’t suspect them – even though by virtue of being the last ones to suspect, they should be suspicious. Sometimes it feels like my brain’s turning inside out.

No. Not even once did I think to suspect her.

Sure – there was a little personality change around the first phase of The Dragoning – but the entire city changed at that point so it surely was not cause for suspicion. My personality changed, too, and I wasn’t turning into a dragon. You know? It’s like, when everything changes, it’s hard to track the change in one solitary person.

Well – she got a little bolder, I’d say. She got less inclined to defer to everybody. I was proud of her, honestly – even when she stopped deferring to me.

Well, she seemed to stop hanging around with some of those egomaniacs at her theatre, too.

Oh god. You don’t think she ate them, do you? Oh lord. I hope not. Although there were some douchebags over there. I’m sure I wouldn’t miss them. But still. Still. I hope that’s not what happened.

No, man, it’s good to talk about this stuff. A lot of the folks over at the Silver Pitcher, they just sort of glossed over it.

Oh, there was a lot of “We just barely survived! We came so close to death and we didn’t even know it” sort of stuff.

But that’s – that’s just like a narrow miss when you drive by a car accident. That’s about the bystanders.

I don’t think anyone wants to, like, actually deal with the contradiction of a real human person that we like and the monster she could become. This must be like being friends with the Incredible Hulk or something. Like – oh, man, like a little bit of pride and a lot of confusion.

I don’t know, man, I was fairly inclined to dismiss the dragons as monsters – but that was before I knew one, you know? Now that it’s Ashley…

I  don’t know, man. We’ve been friends ever since she moved to the city. Not close friends, obviously – but bar friends you know. We had a lot of late night heart to hearts over there at the Pitcher. She’s helped me through some heartbreaks.

Yeah, I did. You’re right. Some of these douchebags over there at that theatre…my god. And not just heartbreaks either. I mean – she helped me through this career transition as well. She’s been there for me, you know?

Oh man. I guess I hadn’t really dealt with how I feel about all this before, huh? Sorry. I imagine you might have some complicated feelings about all this, too.

Yes, yes, you do have a rather unusual relationship – that’s the truth. It’d make a good reality show.

You were? Well – great minds, my man. Maybe you should do it.

No way. There’s, like, a strategy for these sorts of things?

Yeah. Free the Dragon. I like that. You gonna do it?

Right. Yeah – that’s definitely a thing you have to discuss. Well, man, if there’s anything I can do to help you guys out, just let me know.

I owe you one after you helped jump start my new career. I mean, never in my wildest dreams did I think I’d be getting a government contract before I was even done with school. Never in my wildest dreams.

Yeah, good point. Extraordinary times. Extraordinary circumstances.

I mean – Ashley’s never going to have a normal life again and probably you won’t either. There’s not a lot either of you guys are going to be able to do without people noticing – so you may as well go all the way with it, I’d guess.

Oh, yeah, man. Back home, her face was on everything. Everyone was talking about you guys.

Well – because it’s an international incident now. And it’s triggered all these conversations of shutting down the city’s borders and quarantining women and it’s all quite a hullabaloo right now.

Oh sure – they got a bunch of people to make statements about the both of you. You know – anyone you ever talked to got a call from the press.

Of course they did! The whole staff at the Davina got calls. I mean, I just told them I had no comment but those folks can always find someone to talk.

Sure – yeah. One would prefer to have a choice about what one gets famous for.

Like – right now – you’re famous for getting on a plane – that’s probably not what you were aiming at.

But I mean – you’re not going to be the only people this happens to. The Dragoning is going to take hold all around the world, I’m almost certain of it – and your little moment of fame is bound to pass.

I think it’s going to get complicated and confusing and I’m just guessing – but I don’t think it’s going to be as small potatoes as eating up a couple of douchebags in an airport. There are much more spectacular stories coming. And when that happens – no one’s going to be worried about a guy who just got on a plane with a dragon.

No – I suppose that’s right. This is your moment. If you want it – now’s the time.

Sure, man. I mean – obviously I can’t actually tell the future. I just run the numbers and I pay attention.

That’s it.

You’re right. I’m not supposed to talk about it. But yeah – we’re just using the predictive models I’ve created to compare cities to try and work out what’s going to happen here.

Yeah – where and when is the question.

What do you mean?

Oh wow. Like – you’re saying that dragons have their own numbers?

I mean. That would add an extremely important column in my calculations. But would dragons self-report?

Right. Data is pretty impersonal.

Well – how would I go about getting this impersonal data?

Man. You’ve got your hands in everything, don’t you mean? Amazing.

Well – right now we’re calculating based on the missing and the dead. That doesn’t necessarily have to correlate with how many dragons are in a place. It could be just one extremely pissed off volatile dragon in that place. It’s not a one to one situation.

Right. It could look like a city is overrun with dragons when it’s just one with a real bee in her bonnet. Meanwhile, there could be a place with a whole crew of blissed out happy dragons, we don’t know. This country might be that place.

Anyway – that’s all to say that if you did get some numbers from the local dragons, I would be way ahead of the game.

Thank you, man. I appreciate all your help so far. And just having a familiar face to see is very helpful, too. I’ve never really been away from home like this before. Just traveled around the country a bit to see family really – so I’m experiencing a little culture shock, I think.

It’s nothing serious. I mean everyone here speaks my language so it can’t get too scary but you know – it’s an adjustment.

Yeah, you know. Just the little stuff that you didn’t know was adjustment until it changed. Like – where the sky is, you know?

You think you have a sense of where the sky is and then you look up and see that in this place, it’s somewhere else entirely.

It feels closer? Maybe? Or farther away? I don’t know. It’s just different. I didn’t know that was a thing that could be different. And, like, the rhythm of the place. It’s just, like, a whole different genre of music over here, metaphorically speaking, and I never heard this kind of music before.

I don’t know if I like it or don’t like it – but it’s just like a whole different radio station. A whole vibe, you know?

I mean – you travel a lot. You know what I mean?

Yeah. Yeah. Exactly.

Yeah. You don’t know what you’re taking for granted until it’s different.  My brain is kind of turning inside out and it was already turned inside out once with the Dragoning!

Yeah – it would be cool if it was just returning back to normal – but there are apparently many insides of this inside out.

Yeah – like – I guess a brain isn’t like a shirt, where there’s a right way and a wrong way. It’s just, like – a pile of cookie dough and you turn it inside out twice, it’ll be one way but then you turn it outside again and it’s like, a whole new inside out.

Yeah, yeah cookie dough brains.

It’s not like they’re not good brains. It just feels disorienting. Like, all mixed up, you know? I don’t know. It’s going to take me a while to adjust.

Yeah. A fixed point. I like that. It’s good to have some fixed points. Thank you. Yeah. You’re right. You’re sort of a fixed point for me – since I met you back at the hotel at home and then you’re here, too. I guess whenever I travel next, I’ll have to find you there, too.

Yeah. You do that. Give me your itinerary.

Alright, man. Well – thank you. It’s been great to see you and I look forward to hearing any extra info you can track down.

And thanks, Mr. Fixed Point.

No. You’re right. That’s not a nickname that will stick. You take care, Brent. See you soon.

(Dragon Roar)

*

(Dragoning theme credit music begins. Strings. Bells. It’s a little creepy but also fun. Like mischievous creatures sneaking around after midnight.)

EMILY:

The Dragoning is produced by Messenger Theatre Company and written by Emily Rainbow Davis

The Dragoning Theme was composed by Scott Ethier

Sound design by Matt Powell

This episode featured Rhiannon Moushall as Amanda and Julian Rozzell Jr as Willie.

Messenger Theatre Company is a not-for-profit organization and we are entirely reliant on your support.

Thank you in advance for making our next episode possible.

Stay safe out there everyone. And watch out for dragons.

(Music resolves.)

Season Two - Episode Five - Transcript

Messenger Theatre Company presents Season Two of The Dragoning

Episode Five: Ashley and Alice

(The first few notes of the piano sound nice and theatre-y but then they start to deconstruct, a bit like a music box going awry. Strings come in. Men droning. Are they monks?)

EMILY:

Messenger Theatre Company presents

Season Two of The Dragoning

(lots of voices saying The Dragoning. The beat drops. There are some distorted strings or cries in rhythm.)

EMILY:

Episode Five: Ashley and Alice

(The music sputters out.)

(Sound prison intercom)

Episode 5

ASHLEY

No? Your ex? Your friend made you sit through a brunch with your ex so he could get together with a girl who really likes you. Wow. And I thought my life was dramatic.

Okay. You’re right. I forgot about the dragon part. That bit probably is a lot more dramatic, you’re right. But if we exclude any dragon drama, you would win.

It’s great to see you. Thank you for coming.

All’s more or less the same – though I have become a little bit of a political football. And now that there are native dragons here it’s hard to make the case for how dangerous it would be to keep me here so the authorities are tussling -  so here I remain.

Well. I would love to see this country actually. I mean, I flew all the way here. It’d be a shame to go back without seeing a little of it, at least. Maybe I can negotiate a little bus tour or something. They keep me way from the public: I get a little taste of the landscape.

I don’t know. Surely they have some female officers who would take me.

Blerf. I’m sorry I ruined your homecoming. And my vacation! Such a drag.

No. But I am not going to let myself get sorry for myself. That spells trouble.

Famous how?

Front page of the paper? Have you seen it?

Can you get one? I’m curious, actually. I’ve never been in the paper really.

I mean, once as a child. They had photos of my dance team and I was among them but not as an adult. And on the news! I should get a copy for my parents.

No. They don’t know. Or they didn’t. Do you think this news made it back home?

Eeek. Well. I’ll have some explaining to do at Christmas if I ever get out of here.

No, good point. Not much to explain. “Mom. Dad. I’m a dragon.”

No. I did not choose it, it came to me. There’s some thought that it might be in my genes.

Oh good point. That might freak them out even more. They’ll think it’s going to happen to them, too.

Well – I guess it’s good the paper’s outed me, then – as I would clearly make a mess of talking to them about this.

Damn. It’s so hard to just have a normal conversation in here.

I mean – not just because of the glass and the intercoms and all – but just – I don’t know, I’m a very, like, tactile person and I feel like I’m operating without my prime senses.

I guess I mean tactile like kinesthetic. Because yeah. I figure things out from touch and moving and stuff and here – it’s just like the same surfaces in the same order all day.

I mean – it does make me a little bit, um, touchy. I try to keep it in check, you know – but they do keep sending the most triggering men possible in here and I think they might be running a study.

Which I definitely did not give my permission for, no sir. But who would I complain to?

Why, thank you, my kind man. I appreciate the thought. I’m not sure it’s my top top priority but I definitely appreciate it.

Oh, that’s to get the hell out of here.

Well, about the only advantage of being in here is that everyone knows my secret. So – that’s a weird kind of freedom – though very much not the freedom I’d prefer.

I prefer actual freedom. I don’t know that I really appreciated what a gift actual freedom is until it was gone.

I’d rather have no one ever know my secret than be locked up in here.

Anyway – sorry about all that. Tell me something about life out there. There was the brunch you mentioned. What did you eat?

Oh yum. That sounds so good.

Well.

He must be a good friend if you were willing to sit through all that for him.

How long have you known each other?

Oh wow. Yeah. I lost touch with all my childhood friends when I moved away.

I’m not sure. It could have been me. Or it could have been them. It’s not clear. I wonder what they think now.

Sorry. I’m a little down. Not feeling particularly hopeful about getting out of here. And there’s just no room!

I try to do as much of my dance training as I can but this is not a space to stretch out in. And it is worse when…

Yeah. Then. So I’m going to lose all my chops.

Do you think Hollywood will have a dancer with no more chops and a tendency to turn dragon every once in a while?

Ha! Reality Show? That’s insane.

No. Yeah. I can see how that would sell. It’s not quite the dream, though.

I suppose I would watch a show about a dancer trying to make it while fighting the urge to dragon out. You’re right. I would watch the hell out of that show. Somebody get me an agent, stat!

No. What?! The PR assistant wants to sign you? To do what?

This world is bonkers. Do you want to do that?

She said her boss could get you an agent to do whatever you wanted? That’s quite an offer. Do you want to take it?

Yes. It is a lot to think about. But let’s dream. I mean. I’ve got nothing else to do in here. If you had a show? What would you do on it?

Oh my god. Of course you’d travel. Shit. I would absolutely watch a travel show you were on. Especially if it was your travel show. I am already sold. What would you call it?

I don’t know. It’s pretty basic but I think Travels with Brent would be pretty to the point.

Or, or, Meeting the Locals with Brent. Brent Meets the Locals. This show is going to be so good.

Mine? Oh – I don’t know. Ashley Keeps it Together?

No you’re right. That’s not a title that will sell.

Dragoning Out with Ashley?

Yeah, alright. I’m glad you like it. We should have our shows back to back and do a whole thing where one throws to the other one.

I think your show should go first…then wherever you are you can go, “And now, let’s check back in with Ashley.” And I can start with, “Thanks, Brent, from wherever you are. Don’t forget to call!”

Yes, yes! We COULD do some crossover. Great idea. I could travel with you sometimes and you could come visit me sometimes.

I’m just trying to picture us in Hollywood. I mean obviously a lot of it takes place in a car because so much of life there is just driving from one place to another. Do you drive?

Same.

I mean. I don’t know really. I don’t think so.

Because dragons tend not transform if it might be a dangerous moment. No one’s turned while they were driving, or like, while on a trapeze or whatever. It’s some self-preservational instinct we think.

No – I don’t think I’d have to drive all the time.

Same reasons, really.

Well – if you were driving and I dragoned out, what do you think would happen to the car?

Mais oui. I’d have to wait until we were parked or at the very least stopped at a light.

Good point. Who knows what a foot will do when approached by a dragon?

Oh. I’m sorry.

Well. I scared you a little bit there. I’m sorry.

It’s faint but yeah. I can still smell fear from in here. They gotta keep me fed somehow!

No. But I am sorry I scared you there. It’s hard to know how far to push these kinds of jokes.

Good. Okay. Anyway. I won’t eat you in a car.

I’m joking! I wouldn’t eat you at all. I like you!

Gee whiz. I am not helping this situation.

No, listen – I don’t mind scaring government officials and military men. It’s actually really satisfying. They come in here all bluster and think they’re intimidating but meanwhile they’re feeding me a three course fear meal.

I don’t mind if they hear me on that subject.

Well, because the harder they try to control their fear – because they don’t want to feed me – the more it increases. It’s really funny. Some of their faces turn quite red.

Yes and the funnier I find them, the angrier they get and the fear they’re trying to suppress just geysers out all over the place.

It’s like – the awareness that I’m on to them makes it even more pronounced.

I don’t tell them about it when they’re here – it’s not what they want to talk about. But I am definitely being surveilled in here which I know may come as a big shock to you – so…I’m just imagining what will happen when they watch this surveillance footage.

I pretended not to notice the surveillance before – but I don’t quite see the point anymore. I’m under surveillance. They want truths out of me, they’ll get them. One of those Truths is that I am being surveilled.

Ha. Do you think they’d give up those tapes for that?

I mean…it would be a good intro to our reality shows, that’s for sure. Maybe I should ask for some make-up – so I can look good just in case.

Aww, thanks. You look good, too. And you also don’t need any make-up. Though, I am told it’s a good idea when dealing with a camera.

Yes, you should absolutely put your face on before you come here. You never know what these cameras are doing to your skin tones. I mean – with the right lighting most people are alright but this is absolutely not the right lighting.

I think it’s called ghostly white.

Buzzing Beige.

Fetching Flourescence.

Flickering Face.

Oh – that’s our next career. Cosmetic naming. Maybe that’s part of our shows – where we pitch our make-up line for surveillance rooms. For when you want to look your best for government officials. Oh look. Here comes one now. Hello Officer Reynolds.

That’s his super polite way of saying they want you to leave now. Thank you for coming, Brent. You’ve cheered me right up.

Alright, Officer Reynolds, he’s going.

See ya, Brent.

(Dragon roars)

(Sound of Alice coming in to Brent’s living room. Sharon’s voice in the background. Is she saying “Deny everything”?))

ALICE

Thank you for putting me in touch with Willie.

He’s coming out to help us sort through our predictive models. I think it will make a big difference. If nothing else it will help us get a head start on this thing. So thank you for helping us get that going. I just wanted to come and give you this certificate of thanks from the government.

It is literally the least we could do. But it is presented to you with our thanks.

Also – and this is a little delicate – but we’re starting to think you may know more about all this dragon stuff than you’re letting on.

Well – you just seem to be at the center of a lot of things. You re-entered the country with a dragon. You have knowledge of quite a bit of dragon facts from Dragon City. You’ve been seen with a known dragon advocate.

I believe her name is Fiona. And she has some ties to the dragons that were recently discovered here.

Certainly, I can see that you’ve been a bit of a magnet for the dragon affiliated. It is logical.

You’re a curiosity for many people. We just have to ask if you’re aware of any plans or knowledge that we should, say, prepare with.

Well, yes, of course, we’re keeping our eyes on you. You’re at the center of a very odd hub. It would be irresponsible to not keep you in our sights. I just want to make It clear that our ears are open if you ever want to share anything.

We know you’re still involved with the dragon in custody.

Yes, Ashley.

Yes, I know she has a name.

Like, I said, you seem to be, um, invested, in each other in some way.

Yes. You’re right.

No, I haven’t personally seen any surveillance tapes.

We’re just finding it hard to believe you didn’t know her better before you brought her here.

You were awfully quick to forgive her.

I’m not sure it would matter if she didn’t mean to. A shark might not mean to eat a man’s leg off but you bring him to a place with blood in the water, he’s going to bite you.

I know she’s not a shark. She’s a dragon. They are very different animals.

I’m just saying – if I brought a shark onto a plane of bleeding people, I would be more to blame than the shark for that disaster.

Sure. Sure.

I’m sorry. This is all new for us and you’re one of the few people in this country for whom it is not quite as new and we’re just trying to figure out why and what to do about it. Do you think there were other dragons on that plane?

I’m not here to interrogate you. I’m here to give you that certificate of appreciation, that’s it. I apologize. We are just at a bit of a loss and your place at the center of the wheel just makes you a titch irresistible for the team.

Yes. We are keeping an eye out. But that’s not terrible for you. If anyone were to come after you, we’d be ready to act.

No. I know. I understand.

Well, I always assume I’m being watched. Comes with the territory. I’m sorry it bothers you.

Sorry what?

It’s not my jurisdiction or my decision to make, unfortunately but I will pass on your request.

No, you’re not wrong. From what I understand, there are those who are trying to work out how to harness dragon power to be of help in the military.

From what I’ve seen, that is a fool’s errand.

Well, you know a dragon. Do you think she’d be useful to the military?

Exactly.

And, they don’t seem likely to want to follow orders – which is sort of the whole point. Honestly, it would be more of a risk or threat to the military to have dragons around. I don’t think they can be controlled.

Do you think they can be controlled?

See? We see eye to eye on this one.

Well – I’m not a military woman, I don’t quite see the advantage but I do work with quite a few from the military and they are largely in agreement with me but there are always a few outliers.

Oh, you know – they’re worried there will be a sort of dragon arms race and whomever harnesses their power first will decimate the rest of us.

Yes – it is a bit dark, isn’t it? What an extraordinary world we live in now, wouldn’t you say?

I mean, did you ever imagine a world with dragons in it? Or imagine that you’d know one?

Anyway – it is our world now. It was all over there but it’s our turn now and if our research is correct, it’s been here for some time already and just invisible to us. So. What do we know, you know?

Wow. I should not have gotten all chatty like that, sorry. You’re enormously easy to talk to – has anyone ever told you that?

I would imagine. It’s really quite remarkable. Did you ever think of going into law enforcement?

Well, your skills would come in very handy when trying to get information out of criminals or witnesses or accomplices or whatever.

Just pointing it out. This is not a recruitment. Though the benefits are sizeable.

No. No. I’m really not. It just occurred to me. I have no power to recruit. That’s not my area.

Anyway – you’ve got the certificate. I’ll be off.

(Dragon Roar)

*

(Dragoning theme credit music begins. Strings. Bells. It’s a little creepy but also fun. Like mischievous creatures sneaking around after midnight.)

EMILY:

The Dragoning is produced by Messenger Theatre Company and written by Emily Rainbow Davis

The Dragoning Theme was composed by Scott Ethier

Sound design by Matt Powell

This episode featured Emily Hartford as Ashley and Clare Stevenson as Alice.

Messenger Theatre Company is a not-for-profit organization and we are entirely reliant on your support.

Thank you in advance for making our next episode possible.

Stay safe out there everyone. And watch out for dragons.

(Music resolves.)

Season Two - Episode Four - Transcript

Messenger Theatre Company presents Season Two of The Dragoning

Episode Four: Fiona and Paul

(The first few notes of the piano sound nice and theatre-y but then they start to deconstruct, a bit like a music box going awry. Strings come in. Men droning. Are they monks?)

EMILY:

Messenger Theatre Company presents

Season Two of The Dragoning

(lots of voices saying The Dragoning. The beat drops. There are some distorted strings or cries in rhythm.)

EMILY:

Episode Four: Fiona and Paul

(The music sputters out.)

(Sound of a park)

Episode 4

FIONA

So you saw the news.

Yeah, I suppose it would be hard to miss.

Well, we wanted to get in touch now that one of our own has been exposed to just make sure we could still count on you.

Good.

Well – I suppose we made a miscalculation is what happened.

We thought that preparing the government for our eventual exposure would mean a more measured response. We thought it would go more smoothly. What we didn’t count on was how the rest of the country would react to the news.

Well, Brent. I don’t want to offend you but – the douchebags got douchier is what happened. And all the magic smoothies in the world aren’t enough to deal with douchebags who’ve turned their douchieness up to eleven. I mean….

I’m glad you understand, Brent. I really am glad. And actually, I’m hoping you can help us a bit. Because, and again, I really don’t want you to take this the wrong way, Brent – but I think you might be able to speak douchebag.

Like, you can talk to these guys, yes? You understand what they’re saying underneath the assholedry?

Excellent. Good. So – here’s the situation. We’re due to have a little conference of dragons and dragon supporters….

Well, it’s officially a knitting and crochet conference and while there will certainly be some needlework happening, we are also discussing some dragon business.

What we’re worried about, Brent, is the hotel lobby. We are only a small portion of the guests there for the weekend and you know, sometimes small groups of guys hang out in such places – salesmen or I’m not sure what and with the atmosphere in the country being what it is, we just might need you to run some interference.

No, no, we don’t want you to fight them or anything, just distract them long enough to get our girls by. Have a chat, listen to their dumb jokes or whatever they need to just ignore our contingent for a bit. It’s not a risk-free gig as you probably understand. I mean, one stray comment from them in this atmosphere….

We’re advising everyone to increase their smoothie consumption so that should keep everyone from being too reactive – but we need some extra insurance, you know?

Sorry – what?

No, I hadn’t heard about the scented candles – how funny.

Pine and Geranium. Wow.

Well, I’m not sure the hotel will let us bring a bunch of candles in but we can ask.

Maybe an atomizer would work?

You don’t happen to know, do you?

No. Of course. No.

We’ll have to run some experiments. And I’ll have our contact ask Ashley, too. Maybe if she doesn’t know, she’ll put us in touch with someone who could have a sense.

See there, you’ve come in a bit handy already. I’ll tell the girls who were on the fence about you. That should help convince them.

And are you on board to help us with this conference?

Great. Good.

I mean, yeah, we’re all a little more easily triggered than usual and the douchebags are also more triggering than usual.

It’s like we’re all popcorn kernels in a pan and the heat has been turned on and one pop leads to another, you know.

Yeah. Okay. So. Thank you.

I’ll be in touch with the details.

Sorry, what?

Oh, sure. Yeah. It might be useful to learn to knit or crochet. It would give you a good cover for being there. And would probably get you a lot of attention from the douchebags. You could try teaching them to knit, once you know how. That’d be very distracting for them.

Well. Knitting is two needles. Crochet is one hook. And people tend to prefer one or the other.

I don’t know. Knitters tend to be slightly more controlled than crocheters. Crocheters can get a little loosey goosey. Knitters like order. But that’s a wild generalization. Take your pick of one needle or two!

Me? Oh. knitter. I mean, I can do both but I definitely prefer to knit.

Do I have any knitting with me? Ha. Of course I do. What do you think?

Sure. It’s not a secret.

This is on its way to becoming a hat.

About half way.

I had this idea inspired by those pink hats from a few years ago.

Like, what if we made green ones? And maybe we could put little scales or something on them, make them dragon hats.

We’re not planning a march or anything, no. But maybe it would be a way to raise support when/if things get messy. I don’t know. I feel like, it can’t hurt to be prepared.

Yeah, so I’m experimenting a little bit. Trying out different patterns. Putting them together. Crochet may be the answer after all. I don’t know yet.

Believe it or not, there are a lot of instructional videos out there and one of the benefits is that you can always pause them so you can learn at your own pace. Get yourself some yarn and some needles or a hook and off you go.

Maybe your mum has some?

Ah. No. Okay. Just stop by a yarn shop. They’ll fall all over themselves to help you.

Are you kidding? A man in a women’s space like that? They’ll welcome you like their only son come home from the wars.

Lord no. The reverse is not true.

Have you ever been to a guitar shop?

Of course you have. And did you see any women there?

Yeah, come to think of it, you did not.

Well. I played a little guitar a while back and there is no condescension quite like the condescension of a guitar guy when a woman comes into the shop.

Oh, he’ll sell you the strings, yes – but are you sure those are the ones you want? They’re a little heavy, those ones. You probably want something a little lighter. Oh, those strings? They have a coating on them. Are you sure you want that? I mean, I thought I did when I came in here but now I’m not so sure. I’m not sure about anything anymore.

You’d think that, wouldn’t you? You’d think they’d want to make the sale and make the customer happy. But weirdly that seemed to be no one’s priority.

I don’t know. Something like, “Get the girl out of the clubhouse as soon as possible and make sure she never comes back!” A couple of times, I took men with me, when I went, just to have a less traumatic time.

No, Brent. It’s not just guitar shops. That’s just an example for the rest of world. There are endless spaces like that.

No. You’re right. Not dress shops.

Not usually any way. But you go into a dress shop, why don’t you and see how much they’ll love you.

Anyway – all I’m saying is, you’ll have a much different experience at a yarn shop, trust me. They’ll give you the right hook or needles for whichever yarn you choose.

Right. I have to run. There’s a lot to do with all this coming up. I’ll be in touch with more details and you get started on your knitting project!

(Dragon roars)

(Sound of Paul running upstairs and opening shades and windows.)

*

PAUL

Up, up, up, you bludger. Don’t tell me you’re still jet lagged. You’re No Jet Lag Brent! Isn’t that what we used to call you?

Streuth. You’re right. That is a terrible nickname. Why would we call you that?

Really. She nicknamed you “Drench?”

Why?

Drenched in the blood of your enemies? You? Come on.

Curious George. Now, that seems more like it. This girl knows how to nickname people. I should go meet her. I’ve never had good nicknames, either.

Dragon prison? Like where the dragons get locked up?

Why would dragons need to lock people up? Don’t they eat their enemies? Set fire to the ones who give ‘em trouble?

Dragon justice? Sounds crazy to me.

I mean. I wouldn’t trust a dragon to give me justice.

What are you talking about?

Wait. Wait. Dude. You’re saying they formed this, like, shadow justice system because they felt they never had justice even before..like, when they were women?

Come on.

I don’t know, man. You tell ME what happens when you report a sexual assault.

Don’t they investigate?

Well. They have to question them. What if they’re lying?

Is cross-examining so terrible?

I mean. No one should have to hear about my sexual exploits. That’s just for their benefit not to hear that.

I mean. Sorry for them that their rapists and abusers go free but that doesn’t mean they don’t have justice.

I don’t know man. That all sounds crazy to me – and all I know is I would not like to go to dragon prison.

Rehabilitation?

Re-education?

Huh. I think prisons are for punishment. Reconciliation seems like a bridge too far.

Anyway – we’re due at the brunch spot in twenty minutes, so let’s get a move on.

The PR girl, you remember? She said she’d go out with me if you came, too. And you agreed. You remember that?

Nope. Not a third wheel situation. Though given how much this girl is into you, if anyone would be a third wheel in this scenario, it would probably be me. But we got Erica to join us. So you’ll have the pleasure of arguing with your ex while I try to flirt with a PR girl who has the hots for your PR possibilities, if not you specifically.

Well, you know Erica. She enjoys a good caper. She loves to mess with unsuspecting people.

Right. She’s going to pretend to not be your ex but your current. So steel yourself for some performative PDA, my friend. She’s bound to turn it up for this. But come on, get a move on. This me waking you up thing has turned into a habit. You’re going to have to return the favor one day. And hey – as you’re getting dressed – do me a favor and try not to look your best, okay?

*

(Dragon Roar)

*

(Dragoning theme credit music begins. Strings. Bells. It’s a little creepy but also fun. Like mischievous creatures sneaking around after midnight.)

EMILY:

The Dragoning is produced by Messenger Theatre Company and written by Emily Rainbow Davis

The Dragoning Theme was composed by Scott Ethier

Sound design by Matt Powell

This episode featured Mischa Ipp as Fiona and Conrad Le Bron

Messenger Theatre Company is a not-for-profit organization and we are entirely reliant on your support.

Thank you in advance for making our next episode possible.

Stay safe out there everyone. And watch out for dragons.

(Music resolves.)

Season Two - Episode Three - Transcript

Messenger Theatre Company presents Season Two of The Dragoning

Episode Three: Ashley, Alice, Fiona and Willie

(The first few notes of the piano sound nice and theatre-y but then they start to deconstruct, a bit like a music box going awry. Strings come in. Men droning. Are they monks?)

EMILY:

Messenger Theatre Company presents

Season Two of The Dragoning

(lots of voices saying The Dragoning. The beat drops. There are some distorted strings or cries in rhythm.)

EMILY:

Episode Three: Ashley, Alice, Fiona and Willie

(The music sputters out.)

(The sound of a prison door closing, the sound of keys)

Episode 3

ASHLEY

Well.

Look at you.

Hi.

Yeah. Hi.

So – uh…surprise! I’m a dragon. Sorry about that. Sorry I – uh – surprised you. I just – though I had it under control, I guess. Sorry.

Ha! Yeah. Those guys were annoying enough to even turn a man into a dragon, I guess. That’s funny. And awfully kind of you to say.

Yeah- they’re keeping me fed and watered and they’ve even sent the librarian over with some books. Could be worse, I suppose.

Is your Dad okay? I’m so glad you guys ran.

Good. Please apologize to them for me. They seemed really great before…

Anyway – I’m sorry I didn’t get to talk with them.

None of the guys in here can believe how well you’re taking this surprise. They’re all like, “I don’t know if I’d be alright if my girlfriend turned dragon suddenly.” But I told them how easy going you are.

Right! And how a week in Dragon City will acclimate a person. That’s true, too.

Good point. Very good point.

So. Uh. I’m very sorry for putting you at risk. Please forgive me.

Thank you.

Yeah, we had a few visitors. I mean, obviously. I don’t know anyone in this country but you – so, it’s a little weird. But I guess I have created a little…teeny tiny….itsy bitsy international incident. So. We’ve had the FBI and the CIA stop by and of course your national law enforcement. And the librarian has been very kind to bring me a history of Busby Berkely musicals. I can’t imagine where she learned how much I’d like a book like that.

I don’t know what’s going to happen, really.

Your country wants to send me home and mine doesn’t want to take me. So – here I sit.

How are you doing being at home?

Are your parents okay?

Oh. Yeah. Okay. Good.

It’s really great to see you. And – it’s – like – I don’t know why but…it’s all a little déjà vu, isn’t it? This room. That one. Weirdly I feel like I’ve been in a place like this before.

Ha. Yes it does have a similar architecture as a Men’s Warehouse. That’s funny. Do they have those here?

Hey – you know I was just getting all nostalgic about my last night at home when I had all those people over. You remember that?

It was quite a little party we had.

Yeah. It was a hell of a night, with some wild people.

Hey, speaking of – have your heard from any of those people, by any chance? Just curious.

None of them. Hmmm. Well, that’s too bad. They were nice. If I ever get out of here, I look forward to seeing some of them again.

No, not Kala. No, you’re right. She wasn’t for me.

Well, if you do hear from any of those folks, let me know.

I certainly am sorry to have spoiled our trip. Like. Really. Sorry. I’m sure it’s a really great country out there and I’ll surely never see it.

(Door buzzing)

Oh, hell. That’s them to take you away. Well – I hope they let you come back soon, Brent, I really do. And thank you for forgiving me. I appreciate it a lot.

(Prison door opening)

Yeah, he’s going. He’s going.

Bye, Brent. I’m sorry. Hope I see you again. Someday.

(Dragon roars)

(office sounds)

Alice Dwyer

Thanks for coming in, Brent. We just were hoping you could help us with a little more information.

We just received some reliable intelligence that there are already dragons here. None have revealed themselves publicly but we feel it’s only a matter of time before we have a complete dragon manifestation on our hands. We’re hoping, having visited Dragon City, you can help us prepare.

We investigated your lead about scented candles and it checked out. That makes me inclined to trust you and whatever tidbits you might have collected while you were away that could help us predict what might be coming.

Wait, what?

What kind of software?

Like predictive models?

Based on missing persons.

That’s actually really smart. Would never have thought of that.

Does your contact have it up and running? Do you think he would sell it to us?

Please. Yes. Put us in touch. It would be a government contract so it would be worth his while.

I mean, I’m sure we could get one of our software guys on it but if their guy’s already done the preliminaries, I think that would save us a bunch of time. And time is of the essence here.

Everyone in the country would like to avoid being the next place to publicly have dragons.

We’re fairly confident that there are other places in a position like ours but we’re hoping we aren’t the first to be exposed, you know.

Right. So. Software. I’m going to check in with you about that the day after tomorrow, if you wouldn’t mind reaching out to your contact in the meantime and let him know I’ll be calling.

Now, let’s assume this dragoning is coming. How could we get a head start on it?

For example, are there things to put in place or are there structures we could/should start building now?

Sorry, what?

An apology pavilion? What’s that?

Sounds like it could also be used as a holding cell for dragons.

No, no. For apologies. Sure. Any law and order mechanisms in place? We’ve already been caught up short with the law here with Ashley’s arrival. And your role in bringing her here. So it would be helpful to know what they’re doing in Dragon City – and they’re not really talking to us.

Like a dragon task force?

Oh. Dragon justice. Huh.

No, no. We’re hoping for a just situation for everyone – our resident dragons included.

Anything else you can tell me, Brent?

No? Really?

Well. Fine. If you think of other things, please check in with me. And I’ll talk to you further about this software guy.

Thank you for your assistance, Brent. You’ve been very cooperative and we won’t forget it.

*

(Dragon Roar)

(Sound of Brent’s backyard patio)

FIONA

Thanks for reaching out to the Orchids, Brent. It’s a little dangerous, of course. But I understand you have something important to share.

Oh. Yes. We leaked that bit of information on purpose.

Well – not that it’s any of your business – but we felt we might be able to negotiate a release for Ashley if we clued them in about the dragons’ existence. How are they taking it?

Panic, huh? Oh sure. Of course. Moves them directly out of the abstract of – this might happen one day to “Oh. This has already happened. We’re already late.” I imagine they’re scrambling everywhere. What a lark!

Well – it’s not just for Ashley. We figure it might benefit us to have a dragon liaison in government on the early side. We’re In a much stronger position to negotiate while the public is unaware of the dragons among them.

We’re letting the government panic a bit – get all their ya-yas out and then we’ll make contact.

You didn’t say anything about us, did you, Brent?

Good. Good. Good.

That’s good. I’m glad.

Oh she did, did she?

Well – thank you for helping us make her imprisonment a little more pleasant. The actual library there is so wretched. It’s all thesauruses and test prep books.

Honestly, we just got lucky there. We already had a member in place in the library system. She just came in handy when this situation happened.

Well, thank you for letting us know about our outing in the government.

No, no, actually, it is actually good news to hear it come back to us.

That means it’s actually travelling through all the channels and didn’t just stop at our mark. It’s very good. Thank you. If you hear anything else, for sure do the same. And the Orchids will reach out to you before too long, I’m sure.

No, it is taking a little while – because there are members of the group who are reluctant to bring in a man no matter how helpful it might be. We’re negotiating some things at the moment.

Just hang on. We’ll be in touch when we’ve worked it out.

*

(Dragon Roar)

(Sound of a phone ringing under some covers. Sound of muffled voice on the other end. It resolves to Willie’s voice.))

WILLIE

Brent! Hey there, man. What a surprise it was when the front desk gave me your message.

Oh, they were like, “This foreign guy called for you and asked if we could give him your number.”

No, no, they didn’t tell me what it was – except you wanted to talk about software.

Oh, man. I’m sorry. What time is it there? I didn’t even think to check the time zones. I don’t do a lot of international calling. Should we do this another time?

Okay. Sure. Yeah. Get the light on and whatever you gotta do. I’m on one of those internet calling apps. It doesn’t charge me.

What do you mean safe?

Oh, like, are people listening? Am I alone? That sort of thing?

Yeah, man, I’m at home. No one’s here.

Okay.

Okay.

Wow.

The, like, actual government there?

A government contract.

They know I’m still a student, right?

Oh sure.

That makes sense to me.

Right.

Wow.

What do I have to do?

Okay. Sure. Great. Yeah.

Wow. Brent. Thank you. You’re getting me hooked up with a government contract before I even finish grad school. My teacher’s going to lose her mind.

No, really man. Thank you.

Oh, about the same. Pretty much like it was when you left. Just the very strange new normal.

Hotel’s doing fine.

Well – that’s funny you should ask – but yes, Ray did ask to look at my projections. I thought really all he wanted to know was which city I thought would get The Dragoning next. Wouldn’t have thought it would be yours! But, of course, I didn’t run those numbers.

You know. I haven’t seen him in a while. It sounded like he was planning on moving somewhere and starting a business. Asked me if I wanted to go in with him on it, in fact.

Oh, I turned that right down. He’s a nice guy but I wouldn’t trust him as far as I can throw him.

So I just wait to hear from your government people about the contract?

Alice Dwyer. Okay – yeah. I’ll look for her call.

Thanks again, Brent. This is, like, life-changing stuff for me.

Yeah, man. Get some sleep. Don’t be a stranger.

(Dragon Roar)

*

(Dragoning theme credit music begins. Strings. Bells. It’s a little creepy but also fun. Like mischievous creatures sneaking around after midnight.)

EMILY:

The Dragoning is produced by Messenger Theatre Company and written by Emily Rainbow Davis

The Dragoning Theme was composed by Scott Ethier

Sound design by Matt Powell

This episode featured Emily Hartford as Ashley, Clare Stevenson as Alice, Mischa Ipp as Fiona and Julian Rozzell, Jr as Willie.

Messenger Theatre Company is a not-for-profit organization and we are entirely reliant on your support.

Thank you in advance for making our next episode possible.

Stay safe out there everyone. And watch out for dragons.

(Music resolves.)

Season Two - Episode Two - Transcript

Messenger Theatre Company presents Season Two of The Dragoning

Episode Two: Fiona, Erica, Amanda and Paul

(The first few notes of the piano sound nice and theatre-y but then they start to deconstruct, a bit like a music box going awry. Strings come in. Men droning. Are they monks?)

EMILY:

Messenger Theatre Company presents

Season Two of The Dragoning

(lots of voices saying The Dragoning. The beat drops. There are some distorted strings or cries in rhythm.)

EMILY:

Episode Two: Fiona, Erica, Amanda and Paul

(The music sputters out.)

(Kitchen door closes, Kitchen noises behind it, Sharon listening to the radio in the background.

Episode 2

FIONA

Yeah, thanks for having me over. It’s not easy to find places to safely talk dragons in public so this was a great idea. And your mum seemed to really enjoy the challenge of sneaking me in here so that’s a lark.

Well, like I said in my message – I wanted to check in on you on Ashley’s behalf.

She’s okay. We’ve got someone inside with eyes on her and they’re treating her fine. Not great. But fine, you know. I’d rather be in lock up here than where she’s from, I know that.

Anyway – she’s worried about you so I just thought I’d reach out – touch base and get word back to her if I can.

You haven’t had any harassment or too much difficulty with the authorities?

Good. Good. I’m so glad.

And I hope this isn’t indelicate to ask – though it is kind of important  - have you – um – revealed any – um – prior knowledge of this situation?

Oh good. Thank you. That’s good to know. It’s best for both of you if no one knows you knew.

Is that what she called us? The welcoming committee? Funny. Well, I guess that’s what we were supposed to be.

We didn’t get to, of course. I regret that your parents found you guys before we did. I feel like if we had we wouldn’t be in this situation now.

Well, we were worried about what the effect so much flight time might have – so we’d prepared a sort of preventative for Ashley to get into her before being exposed to the chaos of the airport.

Oh – it’s a drink we’ve developed that helps keep women from dragoning out when they don’t want to. It’s like a super chill out smoothie.

You think I’m going to tell you what’s in it? Oh, sweetheart. Hell no.

But yes, it is one of the reasons why no one knows the dragons are here.

Yeah - we didn’t know what you or Ashley looked like so your parents spotted you guys first. We saw the whole thing. We weren’t so far away. If we could have intervened without exposing ourselves, we certainly would have – but we operate in total secrecy, as I’m sure you can understand.

Some of us are, some are just dragon support and in disclosing our existence to you, we are assuming a high level of trust, I hope you know.

Well – we heard about what happened with the dragon slayer over there and the Friends of the Dragons are very grateful for your service, so, their good opinion goes a long way and gives you a full raft of trust from us at the get go.

But that doesn’t mean we’re going to reveal our dragon status to you. The fewer people who know who’s who and what’s what, the safer it is for everyone.

Good. I’m glad that makes sense to you.

My question for you now, then, Brent, is – do you think you’d want to help us?

I can’t offer you to be part of the group – that’s out of the question – but if we could call upon you when we need you, it would be a big help.

That’s great. The thing is, sometimes, it would be useful to have a man and we’re not disclosing to men generally, so we don’t have any on our side…you’d be providing a real service. And all the dragons will take extra precautions when you’re around. Does that work for you?

I’m so glad. I’ll get word back to Ashley that you’re okay and I’ll be in touch about our – uh – welcome committee meetings very soon. Just FYI – to the public – we are the Knitting Orchids – so further communication will come from them.

Thanks again, Brent. We’re grateful to have your help. Everyone will be pleased to have you on board. Take care. And don’t let the press get to you. We’re here if you need us, too. We’ve got some press strategies should you decide you want to engage. But your current strategy of just abstaining is a good one.

You’ll hear from the Orchids soon.

(Dragon roars)

Erica (Brent’s Ex)

Thanks Sharon. I’ll come say “hi” again before I go.

(Sound of a screen door opening and closing)

Hey.

(Footsteps on the patio

Birds chirping throughout)

Yeah, your mum let me in. She said you were out here on the patio. I think she misses me.

(The sound of a chair being pulled out and pulled in.)

Got yourself in the paper, didn’t you? Well, well, well.

No – I didn’t come to talk about the newspaper. Sheesh. I came to make sure you were okay.

I mean, if I’d known it was dragons you were into – we could have tried some role play back in the good old days.

No, no, no, of course not. I’m mostly just surprised you let a girl travel with you. You were always like, “No, Erica, I’m a solo traveler. No offense. This is something I do on my own.” And here you were, on a plane from over the ocean, with a girl. And a girl who turned out to be a dragon, no less.

No. Good point. You weren’t traveling with her so much as coming home with her. That is….a good point. I feel less hurt now.

No – well, I guess I just didn’t understand. But – of course I could never come home with you since I already live here. I could have moved to Bangkok or something hung out there a few years, run into you on your travels and then flown home with you. That’s how that could have worked.

I don’t know. I was thinking of going to Bangkok for a holiday at one point. That’s probably why I thought of it.

Why? What happened to you in Bangkok?

Was the world your oyster? Did the tough guys tumble?

I can’t believe that song is true.

No, no, of course. Not really. I tease. You know I tease. It’s my favorite activity.

Listen – I’m sorry. I will tease you as much as I can get away with but I also am a little concerned about you. You could have been killed. And I know this isn’t about me – but I do not want my ex murdered by a dragon. That’s the kind of story that I do not want to be a part of. And I don’t want to go to your stupid funeral, you risky rebel. What if there were dragons there?

True. I guess as a woman I AM perfectly safe. But what if I wanted to bring my new boyfriend to your funeral? He wouldn’t be perfectly safe, would he?

Well, if that’s your plan, then, well played. Very well played.

But seriously – are you okay?

What did they do to you over there?

Well – you do seem different.

Like, actually, very different. You have a whole new vibe. I’m not sure what to make of it. Is that, like, trauma or something?

From watching two guys disappear into a dragon?

I don’t know. Different. Just like – I don’t want you to take this the wrong way but you usually have a sort of cocky vibe about you.

There it is. Yeah. Like that. But less obvious.

What do you mean “fear”? Like do I sense fear coming off you? Brent. That’s super weird.

Okay. Yeah. I suppose it could be.

Yeah, but I’m not a dragon. You know I’m not a dragon.

What?

They don’t?

What do you mean anyone could pop?

You’re saying I could be a dragon and not even know it.

Why unlikely?

I’m nice!

No, you’re right. I can be a real ball buster. No lie.

But you’re saying – now – having seen a woman you didn’t expect to turn dragon, turn dragon, you’re just a little base-line afraid.

That is so weird, Brent.

How do you mean, “Fear can save a life”? That’s weird, Brent.

No – that’s true. Fear will get you to run when it’s time. And apparently can keep a dragon from eating you. You’re saying if you’re afraid of it enough, it won’t bother to eat you.

Damn. You have had the weirdest holiday of anyone on earth.

And to have it, like, change your personality a little bit.

Sure. You’re the same. You’re the same old dumbass Brent who’ll stumble into any old kind of trouble and wonder what in the heck happened to get him there.

Yeah, I know you, you wally. Better than I know a lot of people. I’m sorry you’ve been scared out of your personality.

No, no, surely you must still have a personality.

It’s just not the personality I’m used to.

No, it’s fine. It’s weird but, fine.

No, I seriously just came to make sure you were okay.

And you are. You’re just sort of pussed out.

I joke. I kid.

Hey listen – there’s a party at Ken’s later tonight if you want to go. I promise I’ll come to your aid if you suffer any dragon attacks.

But. Wait. Dude. The only dragon we’ve got here is locked up. Why are you still afraid?

You think there’s going to be an outbreak here.

What do you mean you don’t see how there couldn’t be dragons here? There couldn’t be. Period. End of story.

Do you know something we don’t know?

A doorman? Brent. I don’t know much but I do know you don’t get your number projections from a doorman. That much I know.

Track the missing? Like the missing are secret dragon victims? Boy oh boy.

Well, I can’t wait to see know this exciting version of you goes down at Ken’s this evening. You’re coming, right?

Good. See you there.

*

(Dragon Roar)

AMANDA

(Party sounds)

Oh, I heard about you. You’re Dragon Boy!

The guy who flew with the dragon girl!

Ken! You didn’t tell me you were having a celebrity at your party.

You were on the front page. Of course you’re a celebrity.

No, it’s like a security camera photo – image – still – I don’t know. It’s from the security footage. You haven’t seen it?

No, not the footage. The paper. The photo in the paper. Front page!

If I were in the paper, I’d get every copy and keep them all for a scrapbook.

My grandma had one. It’s like – little bits of personal history. And if I got in the paper…well. You did, so congratulations.

Oh, it is, though. And you were traveling with that dragon, so that’s very interesting and cool. Like, how many people are famous for traveling with dragons? I can’t think of any but you – so that means you are very special. You’re the first dragon traveler in history. Also – you saw her transform? That’s so cool. So wild.

So – are you going to, like, go on TV and do the talk shows now?

I mean – it would be great for your brand, whatever that is. You gotta capitalize on this moment. It’s going to fly by so fast.

Yeah. Well- I work at a PR firm. I know these things. Do you have a publicist?

I’m just an assistant. I don’t have authority yet. But I do keep my eyes open and I think I might want to move up in the agency, you know?

No, yeah, I do. I totally think you should have a publicist. I mean, that’s often how my bosses get clients. Heck, they may be trying to track your number down right now!

No – it’s just that it’s such a fun story!

They might!

Well. Uh duh. Dragon! And not just, like, oh, hey, surprise everyone, there are dragons, but here’s one that moments ago that was a human and uh, also, that human was with her was her boyfriend? I mean…the headlines just write themselves, don’t they?

Well. I’m not a journalist. I’m just a PR assistant. Headlines are our bread and butter.

Oh, sure, yeah, mostly people just read headlines anyway these days. A whole article? Who has the time? Headlines, headlines, baby. Nothing but headlines.

So are you still with the dragon girl or what?

Who says you’re not supposed to talk about it? Come on. Be free! You should be able to say what you want to. Who’s stopping you?

Oh, officials. What do they know? Boring old officials. Snoozeville. Look, here’s my card. If you decide you want to do the talk shows or, like, I don’t know, just talk over the possibilities, call me and I can refer you to the best ones in my office – or just, you know, troubleshoot or whatever.

You can call me for whatever.

Yeah. Yeah. Sure. Yeah. Hit that bar! Ken’s making mojitos. They’re really good. Yeah, okay. Yeah. No, I’d love one. Thank you. Appreciate it.

*

(Party music increases and then decreases a little)

PAUL

Can’t believe you escaped! Your mum let you out, huh? You made a break for it?

Is there still a bunch of press at your house?

How are you getting past them?

Oh, classic. Classic. Jacket over the head. Much respect. Old standard for many a rock star and tabloid girl. Do it up right. No one wants a picture of your jacket. Especially that jacket.

I did notice a cute photographer in the passel. Is that what it’s called? A passel? Anyway – check out the photographer from The Sun.

I’d ask her for her number but it doesn’t seem like the right context does it?

“So – hey – I see you’re staking out my buddy’s house – but maybe you wanna get a steak with me later…” actually maybe that’s not a terrible line.

No. It is. It’s terrible. You’re right. But would it work?

There IS, in fact, only one way to find out.

What do you mean?

How’m I doing?

I’m fine, dude. Why wouldn’t I be? What happened to you over there, man? You’ve gotten so weird!

I don’t know. Weird! So weird. You’re weird.

Nah. I’m normal. I mean, sure, normally weird – but normal. You’re newly weird.

It’s like, a whole vibe.

Yeah – a vibe. Sure weird vibe.

She did? Yeah, I mean, I get that I guess it could be called personality change. But it’s not like you had a brain tumor and came out weird. Wait, you didn’t do that, did you?

I just – yeah, I don’t know where you go. You said you were going to Dragon City but maybe you were just going to the hospital. I don’t know.

Good. That’s good to know. I’d tell you, too, man. If it were me.

Sure. Hypotheticals are always the best promises. I could make ‘em all day.

Oh say – speaking of hypotheticals. What’s up with that girl you were just talking to?

You mind if I move in on that?

Oh, what?

Sure, I’ll take her that mojito. That’s big of you, my friend.

I guess you might – a dragon girlfriend in lock up here and a dragon slayer in lock up there.

You got the magic touch.

You’re right. No one likes a mojito with melted ice. I’ll take this over. Check you later.

(Dragon Roar)

*

(Dragoning theme credit music begins. Strings. Bells. It’s a little creepy but also fun. Like mischievous creatures sneaking around after midnight.)

EMILY:

The Dragoning is produced by Messenger Theatre Company and written by Emily Rainbow Davis

The Dragoning Theme was composed by Scott Ethier

Sound design by Matt Powell

This episode featured Mischa Ipp as Fiona, Sara Lynam as Erica, Rhiannon Moushall as Amanda and Conrad Le Bron as Paul.

Messenger Theatre Company is a not-for-profit organization and we are entirely reliant on your support.

Thank you in advance for making our next episode possible.

Stay safe out there everyone. And watch out for dragons.

(Music resolves.)

Season Two - Episode One - Transcript

Messenger Theatre Company presents Season Two of The Dragoning

Episode One: Sharon, Paul and Alice

(The first few notes of the piano sound nice and theatre-y but then they start to deconstruct, a bit like a music box going awry. Strings come in. Men droning. Are they monks?)

EMILY:

Messenger Theatre Company presents

Season Two of The Dragoning

(lots of voices saying The Dragoning. The beat drops. There are some distorted strings or cries in rhythm.)

EMILY:

Episode One. Sharon, Paul and Alice

(The music sputters out. Sound of a man’s voice, muffled, words indistinguishable.)

Brent’s Mom: Sharon

Thank you for getting us home safely, officer. Have a good night.

(Sound throughout of kitchen noises, drawers, dishes)

You don’t think you could have warned us before you brought your dragon girlfriend home, then? That maybe your father and I might have wanted to take precautions maybe? Maybe been a little bit prepared, Brent? You don’t think that would have been a considerate thing to do?

Sure. I can understand that she’d want to keep that information secret, sure. Sure. But her secret’s out now, isn’t it, sweetheart? Going full dragon in the middle of the airport like that? Causing an international incident. Her city is on total quarantine lockdown now, Brent. It’s a good thing you got out when you did because there are no more flights in or out of there, thanks to you. It’s all finished.

No you cannot see her. They’ve taken her into custody and you’re lucky they let you go.

I mean they’ll be back. They will be asking you a lot of questions in the coming days, I can guarantee you that. They let us know.

They’ve already questioned your father and I extensively – so you can be sure your time is coming again, sir. You can bet. That cursory investigation? That’s just the start. The only reason they have given you a little bit of breather right now is because they are trying to decide whether or not to prosecute you for bringing a known dragon into the country. Luckily, they have no leg to stand on in that department due to the fact that there are no laws on the books about dragons at this point. A fact I was happy to point out to them when they tried to take you into custody.

Your father could have been killed, you know. Can you imagine? How would you have felt  if your new girlfriend had eaten your father?

Not good, I should say.

Jet lag is no excuse. You, of all people should know that. Did you ever change into a dragon due to a time zone? No. You didn’t. You just slept for 12 hours when you got there like the rest of us. Like she should have done.

What do you mean? Oh, those boys on their way to a game? What did they say?

Well, that’s not every polite, is it?

They ought to be ashamed.

No you can’t see her! Not a chance!

She’s a dragon, she’s fine.

I can’t dream of what you were even thinking bringing her here.

That didn’t look like someone who has things under control to me.

Usually, usually. Ha!

You weren’t gone long enough to know how she usually is. You know how she was in love, that’s it.

Of course, she was in love. Look at you. You’re a dreamboat. But boy did you get her into trouble!

What do you mean she was already in trouble?

Oh. So there were people coming after her? What sort of people?

Eesh. I agree that’s not nice but she could have gone anywhere, why’d she have to come here?

I mean in the minute I had to give her a hug and welcome her, she seemed nice but an awful lot changed awfully quickly, wouldn’t you say, Brent? Awfully quickly.

I’ve never seen a dragon before. Neither has anyone else in this country.

there are already dragons here, we just haven’t seen them.

How do you know?

They were at the airport, too?

How do you know you can trust her?

She ate two people at the airport, Brent. I’m not sure I’d trust such a person.

But let’s assume she’s telling you the truth about this dragon welcome committee….that means

Discrete dragons? That seems unlikely. They’re not a particularly discrete species. I mean. You’d never miss one. We certainly didn’t miss your dragon girlfriend in the airport.

Fine. Sorry. Ashley.

Well – if they’ve been keeping themselves under wraps and your dragon – sorry, Ashley, - just outed herself, I doubt they’re going to be much help to her. It’s not like they’re going to want to go and visit.

Oh this is such a mess you’ve made. Such a mess. And the press is going to come calling, you know that, right? This is cat nip for them.

Just deny everything. You had no idea she was a dragon. You have no idea what’s going on. You’re an innocent in this whole thing.

It is the best thing for her, too.

It’s sweet that you’re so worried about her. I guess you really like her, huh?

I’d be thrilled if I weren’t horrified.

Yes, yes, of course you are. What time must your body think it is?

There are some new sheets on your bed and we got some blackout curtains - so you should get some good rest.

I am glad to have you home, my wandering boy.

Sleep well, darling. (kiss)

Oh come on, I’m still your mother.

*

(sound of dragon roar. Sound of a man running up stairs.)

PAUL

Good morning, Dragon Lover!

No – your mum called to tell me you were home – but I saw your news in the paper all on my own!

You’ve really gotten yourself into a mess, haven’t you?

I mean, you’ve gotten yourself into messes before. And I’ve gotten into a few with you.

But this a real big hot mess you’re in now, my friend. Just, like, a spaghetti casserole dropped on the floor sort of mess. But famous.

What are you going to do?

Oh sure. Yeah. Getting up and showering is a good start. You gotta wash that dragon flop sweat off you. Stat. I mean – whoooooo.

Sure, yes. Coffee is a good idea, too. I should have brought you one. I bet it’s hard to get a good coffee over there.

Well. We can go hit the Coffee Hut, if your mum will let you out of the house.

Well, she’s a little worried about the press that’s camped out on the lawn.

Well – they just can’t wait to talk to you, of course. They want to hear allllllll about it.

I mean, so do I, of course. But I’m not going to put stuff you say in a paper. And I am very patient.

Maybe if I convince your mum I can hustle you past the reporters, she’ll let us go. What do you think? I’m pretty sure I can lose them.

Right. You go wash off that dragon stank and I’ll convince your mother.

Kay Mate, Catch ya.

*

Sound of a dragon roar.

Sound of a phone ringing, Office noise. The occasional thump.

Alice Dwyer – Government Agent

I appreciate your coming in to chat with me, Brent. We’re all trying to figure out the best way forward and I can understand you might be a little bit dis-oriented, having flown so many hours, what with the jet lag and the dragons and what not.

Before we begin, I want you to know that no charges have been laid against you and as far as I know, there are none in the works. We are in foreign territory with this dragon situation and fortunately for you, there are no laws on the books that anyone could find to charge you with – try as they might.

I’m just hoping you can help me understand a little more about dragons since you have been among them. If you don’t mind, I’d like to start at the beginning. Did you have a particular interest in dragons before you went?

Walk me through your decision to take the trip.

I mean, yes, that is a very cheap flight. I went there once on holiday and it was quite a bit more than that. So. Sure. Cheap flight. Now’s as good a time as any to check the place out.

Did you understand you were taking a risk?

Sure, sure. Everything’s a risk. I understand that more than most. But I also know that some things are riskier than others. I walk into a room of drug dealers with a cache of weapons, I’m walking into a riskier situation than I would be walking into a restaurant.

Yeah sure. You’re not particularly risk averse we might say. It’s a useful asset in some professions. And you’re very well travelled – you figure dragons aren’t all that.

Sure. Yeah. I got it.

Sound of writing

Did you have particular agenda for your trip?

Like plans?

Or, like, desires? Like, to see a dragon for example.

Huh. Atmosphere, stories, vibe, okay. Okay. Interesting, okay. So what was the atmosphere like over there?

I would imagine!

What do you mean by Topsy Turvy?

Women do what there now?

And men are like what?

Huh. Okay. I agree that that sounds interesting.

Sounds like I should send my husband over there.

Right – it wouldn’t be safe right now.

So – tell me about what you did, where you went, what kind of contacts you made. It will help us a bit with contact tracing.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Interesting.

Okay.

Really? A shuttle service for men…

Okay.

Okay.

Is the medical system as bad over there as we hear?

Huh. Okay.

Okay.

And you didn’t know this girl was a dragon when you decided to bring her here to meet your parents?

Well, I don’t know why you’d bring a dragon into your own country. That’s one thing we’re trying to find out here. So did you? On purpose?

Fine. Can you tell us anything you learned about dragons while you were over there?

I don’t know. Anything that might help us prevent a dragon outbreak here.

Is there something that prevents people from turning dragon?

Scented candles? Really? Any particular scent?

Pine and geranium. Huh. How’d you come by that little tidbit?

In a bar?

Sure okay or somewhere.

Anything else you picked up about them in your trips to the bar?

Nice? How do you mean nice?

Don’t these women eat men? And burn them up? Doesn’t sound very nice to me.

Oh, I see. As humans – they tend to be nice. I understand. Well – I’ve only met one dragon now and I can concede that point. She is very nice. She mostly seems worried about you. There she is in quarantine and she’s worried about where you ended up. Did you two get very close while you were over there?

And she didn’t tell you she was a dragon.

I see your point. It is dangerous for her to self disclose. Right. Though, it is also very dangerous not to disclose. She could have killed you, too, you know.

You are very lucky you didn’t get eaten.

But you didn’t. Because you ran, and you got your dad to run. How did you know to do that, Brent?

What do you mean she told you to?

She said run and you ran?

Man, I wish my husband would be so quick to do what I asked him.

What do you mean a “look in the eyes”?

Pupils.

Like diamonds.

Maybe I would, you’re right. Maybe I would run too.

Okay. So. You learned most dragons are nice. They tend not to go dragon around pine and geranium scented candles. What else?

Good for tourism how?

Oh. Disaster tourism…yeah , I guess I have heard of such a thing.

Right. Good for big hotels and bus companies. Not so good for the little guys.

Souvenirs? Did you bring some back?

No, I don’t suppose they would let you bring one of those firestarters on a plane. Good point.

Anything else you can tell us about what’s going on over there?

Huh. All male businesses? Don’t we already have that – like everywhere?

Oh. I see. Like – they’re not safe with women so they self isolate. Right. Okay.

Like – dragon haters?

Like – a club?

What do they do?

That sounds like a boardgame or something.

Ah, yes, murder is certainly something we’d be worried about. They’re murder clubs? Did you go to one?

I don’t blame you. I wouldn’t want to go to one of those either.

I’m not sure why what happens to Ashley is any of your concern.

Sure – you care about her – but you know she’s a dragon, right?

I’m not sure dragons ARE people too – but I’ll accept your premise and it is sweet that you are concerned. So, I will tell you that our plan is to send her back to where she came from on a secure flight.

Dangerous how?

For her?

How?

She’s been doxed there.

I thought you said you didn’t know she was a dragon.

Okay. You know she’d been doxed but you didn’t know why. What did she tell you?

Death threats.

Credible death threats. And an attempt. I see. Well, we’ll see what there is to do. I’ll talk toher handlers.

You want to see her?

The woman that turned into a dragon in front of you at the airport.

I’ll see what I can do.

(Door opens to office environment noise)

Thank you so much for your assistance, Brent. I may reach out again if I find I have further questions.  

*

(Dragoning theme credit music begins. Strings. Bells. It’s a little creepy but also fun. Like mischievous creatures sneaking around after midnight.)

EMILY:

The Dragoning is produced by Messenger Theatre Company and written by Emily Rainbow Davis

The Dragoning Theme was composed by Scott Ethier

Sound design by Matt Powell

This episode featured Nina Nicolic as Sharon, Conrad Le Bron as Paul and Clare Stevenson as Alice.

Messenger Theatre Company is a not-for-profit organization and we are entirely reliant on your support.

Thank you in advance for making our next episode possible.

Stay safe out there everyone. And watch out for dragons.

(Music resolves.)